What you first must understand about TW, AKA Thomas William Smith, owner and proprietor of Renegade Muscle, is that he's the true embodiment of a character. The man talks a mile a minute, has devoted his life to the restoration and customization of vintage bicycles, and seriously digs calendar girls. He really, really wants to talk to you about calendar girls.

The idea, then, that TW would star in his own reality television show is not that ludicrous. Everything else about it, however, is.

From talking with TW, I learn that the basic concept of the show is this: TW takes under his wing a group of at-risk youths. He will teach them the ways of building and customizing bicycles and, when they have done so, their work will be sold at auction for charity. Felony Flats, it'll be called.

How on Earth did this happen?

"I've sort of been trying to put this together for a while," TW informs me. "I was approached by Jim Charles(sic), who produced Northern Exposure, The X-Files, Nash Bridges. ... He said, ‘We pretty much want to do a reality TV show with you guys because there isn't nothin' out there even close to what you're doing.'"

That's how TW talks. According to him, Felony Flats is going to be a big old bowl of crazy-a loony mélange of everything that makes these kinds of reality shows so addictive. You've got your eccentric star, your children in need, your TLC/Discovery channel bait that is the bicycle shop, and, uh, probably calendar girls.

"Basically, we're going to show these kids that this is a trade that's viable," TW says of the at-risk youths. "You'll learn how to work on a bike and learn the processes of it, and it might take you through life. I mean, it's got me this far."

In addition to all of this, TW proposes that the pilot episode, which begins shooting June 20, will be filmed in Industrial Tacoma, at Calbag Metals. I actually worked at Calbag Metals through Labor Works. The job kicked my ass and lodged dirt into every one of my orifices.

This is appointment television.

Also on the June 20 will be the Cannon Ball Tricycle Downhill, a race downhill from Top of Tacoma to The New Frontier Lounge. Participants will be on tricycles, and among the racers will be the band Fun Police. Once at the bottom of the hill, racers will enter the New Frontier and enjoy some nice barbecue and performances from local bands.

Since the Tricycle Downhill corresponds with the first day of shooting for the show, TW says, "From what they tell us, there's gonna be six cameras out there."

Having been in an episode of True Life, I can tell you that there's nothing better than seeing a large group of nervous Tacoma people on television, as they anxiously clutch PBRs and try very hard not to look at the camera.

C'mon, Tacoma, let's get on the tee-vee!

Cannon Ball Tricycle Downhill

Sunday, June 20, 1 p.m.
Top of Tacoma Bar and Cafe, 3529 McKinley Ave., Tacoma
253.272.1502