>>> BEST PLACE TO BATTLE A HANGOVER

Dirty Oscar's

After a long night of partying, don your favorite hoodie and sunglasses, make it to the car without getting sick, and get yourself to Dirty Oscar's. The combination of few windows and dark paint make this an excellent place to shield your eyes from headache-inducing bright light, and the menu is the perfect remedy to get you back to standing on two feet. Choose from one of the best breakfasts in town and order a crispy pork breakfast burrito or chicken and bacon-waffles. Calories absorb alcohol, right? Don't forget a little hair of the dog with a moonshine bloody Mary and you'll be practically perky when you leave. 2309 Sixth Ave., Tacoma - Adrienne Kuehl

>>> BEST BROWN LIQUOR BLISS

The Social Bar and Grill's SBG Manhattan

I'm a bourbon girl. In my opinion not much can improve delicate oaky notes and vanilla or nutty undertones of good bourbon. Well, not counting The Social Bar and Grill's SBG Manhattan. The Dock Street restaurant and lounge has concocted a version of the classic cocktail that knocks my mother effin' socks off. The foundation of this delicious cocktail is Bulleit Bourbon, which is damn good all alone, but add Chef Borromeo's delicately sweet and herbal ginger thyme syrup and you have a dangerously drinkable brown liquor potion. The Social's outdoor fire tables and view doesn't hurt either. 1715 Dock St., Tacoma - Jackie Fender

>>> BEST PLACE TO PRETEND YOU'RE A BALLER

Maxwell's Speakeasy and Lounge

If your life is missing a certain level of swank and your wallet's feeling a little light, yet you still want to hang with the fancier set, there's no better place to head than Maxwell's. The classy décor, sexy ambiance and candlelit dining will momentarily make you forget your overdraft charges. Head to the lounge during their daily happy hour and get half off the already lower-priced select menu items, like smoked pulled pork sliders and mushroom bruschetta, as well as moderately-priced beer and cocktails.  At these prices, you can even bring a hot date and relish in your clever, money-saving ways. 454 St. Helens Ave. - AK

>>> BEST FRO YO FLAVA

Proctor Frozen Yogurt

We are living in the era of a frozen yogurt boomtown. Frozen yogurt joints are popping up along every street corner. And really what's not to like, you pick your flavor, your toppings and your serving size. There are plenty of flavor favorites to choose from but I'm admittedly a little giddy when Proctor Frozen Yogurt features the Salted Caramel Corn. Holy wow, it's creamy, salty and sweet, sweet fro yo heaven. 2510 N. Proctor St., Tacoma - JF

>>> BEST PLACE TO EAT YOUR FEELINGS

Corina Bakery

If you find yourself in a place of sorrow because, say, your pet rat ran away, or your trifflin' significant other hooked up with your neighbor, don't despair. Corina Bakery, Tacoma's best-loved source of quality baked goods, is there for you to gorge on majestic bars, homemade banana pudding with vanilla wafers and chocolate peanut butter cup cheesecake. Shed your tears over a cup of Valhalla coffee while you simultaneously shovel sausage quiche into your mouth. The dopamine will be flowing, temporarily causing you to forget about Ronnie the rat and your Casanova neighbor, at least while you finish off the last bite. 602 Fawcett Ave., Tacoma - AK

>>> BEST SLICE OF SURE SEX

Celebrity Cake's German Chocolate Cake

If you want to go from first-base XOXO kisses to rounding third and heading home, then give German chocolate from Celebrity Cake Studio. Giving flowers is like giving your dad a tie for Father's Day, except ties don't die like flowers do. So, when you give Celebrity's absolute moist through and through chocolate coconut pecan explosion of awesomeness you are telling your lover 1. You're delicious, 2. You're fresher than fresh, and 3. You're beautiful; you don't need to lose weight - like this cake, you're perfect. Who doesn't want to hear that? 314 E. 26th St., Tacoma - Ron Swarner

>>> BEST FINGER LICKIN' GOOD

Crockett's Public House's honey siracha wings

There's a little caveman in all carnivores. The idea of gnawing meaty goodness straight off of an animal's skeleton can be likened to a Pavlov's dog-like reaction. Drool. Well perhaps not when versed in such an archaic term but you catch what I'm saying. Anyhow, when making a best hot wings in the South Sound list, Crockett's Public House's honey siracha wings absolutely must be mentioned. They're cooked to meaty perfection and behold a spice with phenomenal flavor with some sweet to take the edge off. Hot wing heaven. 118 E. Stewart Ave., Puyallup - JF

>>> BEST PLACE TO HAVE A BEARD

Peterson Brothers 1111

Though a beard is optional at Peterson Brothers 1111, it wouldn't hurt to come long-haired and bushy-bearded to fit in with the staff and patrons of this the stellar bar/sandwich destination in Tacoma's Hilltop neighborhood. After all, it's the perfect place to stash a little nibble for later of their excellent hand-crafted meatball sandwich, French dip or Reuben. Don't worry if you drip a little au jus into your unmanicured facial hair, it's par for the course. 1111 S. 11th St., Tacoma - AK

>>> BEST GYROS NOT AT A FRIGHTENING INTERSECTION

It's Greek To Me

Here's where you'll find your big, fat Greek gyro. The generous portions of lamb shaved from a vertical meat cone(!), tomato, onions and tasty tzatzki yogurt sauce folded into a griddled pita are in a league of their own - and now ordered at a bigger location across the street. You can now wolf them down without fear of having your car smashed from someone trying to figure out the weird Sprague, Division and Sixth Avenue traffic triangle. 1702 Sixth Ave., Tacoma - RS

>>> BEST PUREE

Wasabi Avocado Puree

The Wasabi Avocado Puree that accompanies Maxwell's Speakeasy's ahi crudo is beyond tasty. Crisp crostinis and a cucumber apple relish just help this little appetizer take the cake. Even those a little shy about eating our fishy friends straight from the ocean's salty waters can appreciate the flavors that this appetizer brings. An ample wine selection with a service staff with plenty of vino knowledge in the ole' noggin will escalate the dining experience. 454 St. Helens Ave. - JF

>>> BEST SPICY LUNCH

Karma Indian Cuisine and Lounge

Some people like the standard burger or pizza during lunch break. Some people are standard dullards all through life, too. There's nothing at all dull about Karma's chicken tikka masala, lamb curry or freaking awesome naan. It's all very stylish, thoroughly delicious and refreshingly no-fuss. Oh, and this Indian restaurant has a cocktail lounge. And if that isn't enough to interest you out of your habitual lunch break, you might be interested to know that the turmeric in curry also helps keep the mind sharp. The bonuses just keep coming. 12623 Meridian Ave. E., Puyallup - RS

>>> BEST LATE NIGHT MUNCHIES

Top of Tacoma Bar and Café

Tacomans love to drink and carouse into the wee hours of the morning, but we have a noticeable lack of delectable late-night dining options. Sure, it's a little out of the way, but it's worth putting on some pants and wiping the Cheetos off your shirt to head to Top of Tacoma. Their full menu is available until midnight Sunday-Thursday and until 1 a.m. Friday and Saturday, and has endless options to combat the liquor in your system and feed your munchies. Order a gourmet grilled cheese, giant baking sheet full of loaded nachos (the best in town), or a jumbo gyro. This might be the only thing you don't regret the next morning. 3529 McKinley Ave. E., Tacoma - AK

>>> BEST RETRO REVIVAL

Tacoma Cabana

Do you dream of thatched huts and hula girls with grass skirts swaying in the breeze? Did you consider naming your children after complicated rum concoctions, such as Daiquiri, Vic or Donn? If so, you need to visit Tacoma Cabana, the South Sound's only tiki bar reminiscent of those popular in the mid-20th century. Don't let the kitsch of the era fool you: the craft cocktails feature fresh pineapple and mixers that go down all too easily. Lull yourself into another era while sipping Mai Tais and Zombies and nibbling on the pupu platter. It's like a mini vacation, but without enduring a frisky pat-down by the TSA. 728 Pacific Ave., Tacoma - AK

>>> BEST RESTAURANT PLACEMENT

Mikie Burger/Little Holland

Is it called Mikie Burger or Little Holland? Don't know, don't care, and you soon won't either. Before popping into this well-loved spot for some of the best burgers and milkshakes in town, stop and notice the genius placement of their neighbor, a newish green collective. An excellent new customer base for Mikie's, these surely hungry patrons merely need to step out of one door and into another for a reasonably priced $4.99 Double Mikie Burger, Butterfinger shake and natural-cut fries, if you can find your wallet at that point. A mutually symbiotic relationship made in heaven, if you ask me. 4915 Center St., Space C, Tacoma - AK

>>> BEST PLACE TO GO INTO A MEAT COMA

Palace BBQ

One does not merely fall into a Korean BBQ spot, one must train and mentally prepare for weeks prior to entering its hallowed meaty halls. Located in a strip mall on Lakewood's South Tacoma Way, sitting down to a tabletop grill at Palace BBQ seems innocuous, but be warned: the amount of grilled meat and banchan (various Korean side dishes) you are about to consume will baffle all science and logic. Order the all-you-can-eat special, if you dare, for less than $20, and prepare to test the limits of the zipper of your pants. It comes with ten kinds of meat and seafood, including short ribs, shrimp and pork belly served alongside firey kimchi, tofu soup and refreshing vegetable dishes. Come after the dinner rush and bring every unsuspecting friend you have. 8718 South Tacoma Way, #A-1, Lakewood - AK

>>> BEST PERKS

Fujiya Japanese Restaurant

"The answer may surprise you." Much as we love using that sentence, it simply doesn't apply here: obviously, no one does edible extras like Fujiya. For every few courses, it seems, there's a bonus round to ooh and aah over: pan-fired oysters; spicy tuna tempura, sunomono, udofu and on and on. Surprise, no; with a joke from the chefs, you bet. 1125 Court C, Tacoma - RS

>>> BEST REASON TO ILLEGALLY PARK

The Social Bar and Grill

Downtown Tacoma's Dock Street is a seemingly ideal location for a restaurant, with its awesome views of Thea Foss Waterway and all that the Museum of Glass has to offer. Do not be fooled. There is nowhere to park down there. I mean, what's a hungry lady to do when all she wants is her pitcher of happy hour sangria, chicken satay and grilled rockfish tacos? Park illegally, of course. There are plenty of places to dump your car in a hurry to get your fix, but be warned: your drawer full of parking tickets will only go unnoticed for so long. They have sangria in jail, right? 1715 Dock St., Tacoma - AK

>>> BEST PLACE TO FEEL LIKE A BIGGER DEAL THAN YOU ARE

El Gaucho

Giving El Gaucho the nod for anything is like ceding the Florida vote count to Bush: at this point, it's not as though this fine-dining treat needs some of?cial stamp of approval. But that's precisely because its popularity remains richly deserved - thanks not least to a waitstaff that's every bit as gifted in its bailiwick as the chefs are in theirs. From the hostesses to the bartenders to the servers, everyone strikes that crucial balance between fuss-free formality and agreeability rather than familiarity. And don't tell me you don't feel awesome just descending the grand staircase. 2119 Pacific Ave., Tacoma - RS

>>> BEST MOVE

Babblin' Babs Bistro

When I speak of "best move," I'm not referring to any action resulting from Babblin' Babs Bistro's battle with property managers, but rather the Proctor District restaurant's decision to put its Babs Bodacious Biscuits back on its menu. The biscuits are baked until crisp on the outside yet soft as a pillow on the inside, then loaded with creamy, cheesy ham and roasted chili pepper sauce. To finish things off it's topped with a custard egg and garden fresh green tomato salsa. Seriously good. So it's priced a tad higher than most breakfast dishes in the South sound. What has mass appeal ever brought us? Adam Sandler and Jay Leno, that's what. 2724 N. Proctor St., Tacoma - RS