Just talking about the incident brought Melissa Ann Shenefelt to tears.
A couple of months ago, Shenefelt believes elementary school officials mishandled a disciplinary incident involving her oldest son, Vinnie, a kindergartner who was diagnosed last year with Asperger's syndrome.

While her husband was in the midst of a 221-day deployment aboard the U.S.S. John C. Stennis out of Naval Base Kitsap in Bremerton, Shenefelt was left to deal with the emotional trauma brought on by the incident alone while also caring for her other child, Owen, a 4 year old who was recently diagnosed with autism.

"We've had a lot of struggles since he's left," said Shenefelt, a 28-year-old Silverdale native. "Vinny has not had an easy time. Since my husband has been gone, a lot of his (personality) quirks have popped up."

This is both children's first deployment, and Vinny has routinely woken up crying at night throughout the time his father has been gone.

"Every day he asks when daddy is coming home," said Shenefelt, whose husband, Sean, is scheduled to return home at the end of the month.

While Vinny's challenges have been mostly social, Owen has battled asthma and chronic lung disease.

But through her family's own challenges, the Navy spouse has made it a point to continue working to help improve the lives of other local military families with special needs children. She spends more than 20 hours a week helping with care for another special needs family and is on the board of a support group called the Military Special Needs Network. The local nonprofit (www.facebook.com/pages/Military-Special-Needs-Network/191690567535621) reaches more than 200 families in the Kitsap/Whidbey Island Navy community and strives to facilitate and coordinate community supports for military EFM families by providing information, education, support, social opportunities, referral and advocacy.

"The goal is to help this become a national network," Shenefelt said. "I help families navigate TRICARE and help them with any questions that they have. We want to help them learn to be advocates. If I can help one family with their struggle then it's worth it."

The group also helps parents get together and share strategies that help parents address some of the problems children with autism face.

"You definitely become more resilient," Shenefelt said of her experience raising her two boys.

She's also learned to become more structured, as children with autism do better in a structured environment, she said. Through it all, Shenefelt strives to not let anything stop her in her pursuit to expose her children to as many experiences as she can.

"I will never say they can't do this or that because they have autism," she said. "I'm my kids' biggest advocate. As much as it has been a struggle, it's worth the fight."

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