If the race to determine who would be the next Sylvester Stallone hadn't already been decided in Vin Diesel's favor, that dubious honor would surely be awarded to him just on the basis of the trailer for Riddick.

Ah, yes, the third in what was surely always intended to be an epic trilogy. After the modest sci-fi flick Pitch Black, and after the bloated sci-fi embarrassment that was The Chronicles of Riddick, self-styled auteur of dumb stuff Vin Diesel is back with the stupidly succinct Riddick.

In a world where green screens have grown sentient and taken over the universe, there is only one chosen man with a voice gurgly enough to stand up against intergalactic tyranny: Sly Stallone! Er, I mean, Vin Diesel.

Diesel, looking like a big old hunk of meat in a slightly-too-small meat sack, returns as Riddick: Tough Guy of Space! Armed with the ability to see in the dark-a skill somehow not yet developed by other future-people-he must fend off bounty hunters on a desolate planet, with only his trusty space-dog at his side.

Fighting, gurgling, more fighting, still gurgling, and Riddick has been captured by the bounty hunters. How's he gonna get out of this scrape?!

Surprise of all surprises, it turns out this remote outpost on an alien planet is totally crawling with aliens! Better free up the meat sack so he can help defend the humans from those Prometheus penis-monster things.

One thing the trailer for Riddick really wants to get across is that seeing in the dark is basically the best super power you could ever have. Yeah, Wolverine has those adamantium claws and unstoppable regenerative ability but, like, what if it's super dark outside?

"You're not afraid of the dark, are you?" intones Vin Diesel's neck, once again pushing the issue, as the nonsense word Riddick flashes on the screen, practically begging me to make a "ridiculous" joke.

Not this time, Riddick. Not this time.