In writing about Battle of the Year, I find I have a battle of my own to fight: is it possible for me to review this trailer without simply spending 300 words talking about the most reprehensible man in existence - and star of this movie - Chris Brown?

This is a man whose entire nature has steadily morphed into utter repugnance and mystifying lack of self-awareness - oh he of Rihanna-beating fame and nonstop verbal diarrhea and neck tattoos. That his popularity remains unfazed by years of some of the most jaw-droppingly awful acts anyone can commit in public is a testament to how little of a shit the American public has decided to give when it comes to the morality of people who dance real good.

But back to Battle of the Year. In a terribly misguided (and woefully on-the-nose) attempt to combine the breakdance pyrotechnics of goofy fare like Step Up with the feel-good inspiration of sports movies like Remember the Titans and Hoosiers, Battle of the Year posits a world where a disgraced former basketball coach is brought in to reinvigorate the American team in what appears to be an international breakdancing competition after a 15 year losing streak.

To whip them into shape, Coach brings them to a prison (where Chris Brown should be, anyway) and shows them the value of hard work and stick-to-itiveness. Brown opines, "Dancing, for me, is like breathing," and breathing, for him, is like viciously beating women and homosexuals.

What follows is a flurry of team-building exercises and uncomfortable, rah-rah patriotism with Koreans as our sworn enemies.

In my time reviewing movies for the Volcano, my best experience at a screening was seeing Step Up 3D - an utterly goofy and enjoyable experience, bolstered by a completely frivolous plot and legitimately awe-inspiring dance sequences.

But, I mean, who wouldn't give all that up for a jingoistic Chris Brown vehicle?

QUESTION: Did you see Insidious: Chapter 2?