December 31, 2013 at 12:36pm
It's the end of 2013, and by this point we've all been flooded with a deluge of year-end "best of" lists. How sick of them must you be? But fear not! At Judging by the Trailer, there is no best of. There is only Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones - one of the most laughably inept trailers I've seen in quite some time.
And why shouldn't it be laughable? As the fifth installment in that franchise of diminishing returns, Paranormal Activity, The Marked Ones is left to pick up the pieces of a broken genre (found-footage horror) and listlessly toss them out in that cinematic graveyard known as January.
We begin with the exploration of what historians may note as the most fearless amateur cameraman of all time. It's one thing to document every waking moment, as this gentleman seems to do, but when it comes to courageously filming gang violence, breaking and entering and (not to put too fine a point on it) horrifying fucking apparitions, this guy deserves some sort of Egon Spengler medal of bravery. He is an honorary Ghostbuster. He may as well have his own crystal skull-themed brand of vodka.
Things go from bad to worse to SPOOKY when two teenagers break into a murdered old lady's apartment to find it adorned with some variety of voodoo hocus pocus, after which one of the kids finds himself possessed (don't you hate it when that happens?). Gone are the modest days of strapping a video camera to an oscillating fan in the hopes that something might jump out and scare you - this ain't your grandma's found-footage horror. What we have now is essentially a standard narrative with bad cinematography and a mouthy camera operator.
The scariest thing about The Marked Ones, it seems to me, is that anyone with a functioning brain and a tongue they've yet to swallow might find themselves ordering a ticket for this nonsense. Happy New Year!
See Also
News and entertainment from Joint Base Lewis-McChord’s most awesome weekly newspapers - The Ranger, Northwest Airlifter and Weekly Volcano.
Thanks for posting! But I want say that Walkie Talkies are really required while organizing fun...
Really nice album. I have already purchased Vedder's Album. Listening to the song of this album,...
about Eddie Vedder’s "Ukulele Songs" available today - and I don’t hold a candle to that shit
Your post contains very beneficial content. Kindly keep sharing such post.
Vedder's album is really nice. I have heard attentively
about Eddie Vedder’s "Ukulele Songs" available today - and I don’t hold a candle to that shit
amazing information for getting the new ideas thanks for sharing a post
about 5 Things To Do Today: Art Chantry, DIY home improvement, "A Shot In The Dark" ...
446th Airlift Wing, 5 Things To Do, 62nd Airlift Wing, 7th Infantry Division, Air Force, All Ages, Army, Arts, Awards, Benefits, Best of Olympia, Best of TAcoma, Bobble Tiki, Books, Business, Camp Murray, Ceremony, Chainsuck, Classical Music, Comedy, Comment The The Day, Community, Concerts, Condemn or Allow?, Contest, Day Tripper, Deals, Defense Department, Deployment, DJ/Electronica, Events, Facebook, Fashion, Federal Way, Fife, Fircrest, Food & Drink, Future Things Are Coming, Games, Gay Rights, Genius, Gig Harbor, Green Crush, Happy Hour Hug, Health, History, Holidays, Honors, I Corps, In Their Words, Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Judging by the Trailer, Keeping Up With The Coffeehouses, Kids, Lacey, Lakewood, Legislature, Madigan Army Medical Center, Marines, McChord Field, Media, Memorial, Military, Milton, Morning Joe, Music, National Guard, Navy, Nerd Alert!, New Beer Column, News To Us, Night Moves, Not Cool, Olympia, Outdoor Addict, outdoors, Photo Hot Spot, Podcast, Pop Culture, Poster of the Day, Puyallup, Radio, Rangers, Retail, Rocket Science, ROTC, Ruston, Schools, Screens, Sex, Shout Out, South Sound Sidekick, Spanaway, Special Forces, Sports, Steilacoom, Strykers, Summer Tip, Sumner, Tacoma, Talking Shop, The Mouth, Theater, Tightwad, Tournament of Burgers, Tournament of Mac and Cheese, Training, Travel, Twitter, University Place, USO, Veterans, Video Hot Spot, Volunteer, Web/Tech, Word, Wounded Warrior
Read Comments