If I see one more female order a Michelob Ultra or Smirnoff Ice I may consider a sex-change operation; that’s how embarrassed I am of my gender being duped by million-dollar ad campaigns. And it's not just the packs of striped-hair, Marlboro-voiced loudmouths ordering the stuff, either. I'm seeing otherwise intelligent, tough sisters paying $3.50 for Michelob’s Essence of Beer-Flavored Water, and countless others swigging the Smirnoff alcopop as though they had those 228 calories to waste. Not me.  I'm a Jäger girl through and through.  Except I want the phone number of the chaps slowly repairing the Engine House No. 9's Jäger machine.  I want it now. â€" Suzy Stump