Bobble Tiki sees them on the coldest South Sound days, when the merciless wind takes the breath right out of his lungs and snot freezes in his soul patch: people without hats.

Hey, South Sounders, it's freakin’ cold out! Put a damn hat on!

Is your fauxhawk really all that important? Or maybe you feel silly in a toque. How attractive do you think you are with red ears, shivering like a cold idiot?

Now, not everyone owns a hat â€" it's a heartbreaking but true observation on the state of the social safety net. Even those who do might be prone to losing them; maybe that sniffling wretch has just left his on the Tacoma Link. But people with hoods who don't raise them have no excuse. A hood is the definitive hat â€" it even takes care of your neck and the sides of your face. Whenever Bobble Tiki sees a hood lying limp on the back of some freezing moron, it fills him with such rage that he can barely keep his gloved hands off the moron’s scarfless throat ... but, you know, it's just so cold out. â€" Bobble Tiki