If you've waited this long to finish your holiday shopping, Spew will refrain from making you feel like the lowly lump of bulbous coal that you know you are. Because there’s only five shopping days before Christmas, we will instead think of our fellow man and lend you a helping hand. If you're looking to finish off the holiday shopping, please don't resort to scented candles just yet. We beg you. You can still find original gifts at tonight’s Third Thursday Art Walk, 5-8 p.m., in downtown Tacoma.

Paula Tutmarc-Johnson, owner of Two Vaults Gallery, encourages people to stop by her gallery at 602 S. Fawcett for some cookies, hot cider, hot chocolate and wine. “We want everyone to come in and party with us,” she says.  Currently on exhibit at the gallery are new paintings by Christopher Mathie emphasizing form and texture.

Tacoma’s Traver Gallery on East Dock Street has a new exhibit, which opens Dec. 15. It features the work of James Minson, an Australian who’s a graduate from Antioch University in Seattle. His glasswork is interesting and thought-provoking.

The Helm hosts local artists Zachary Marvick and Chris Sharp.  The show will feature a large scale ink and acrylic on plywood panel piece Marvick that measures 10' x 20'.  Chris Sharp will feature oil and acrylic paintings.

Tacoma Art Supply hosts professional and nationally published artist Heleodoro Heras who hangs at TAS from 7 to 8 p.m. Heras' work appears in many private and public collections, such as Mary Bridge Children's Hospital, Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Kaiser Permanente and Alaska Airlines.

The Lark Gallery opens tonight with "Pixelations: Beyond The Visible," new paintings by Danielle McClenahan. 

Oliver Doriss, aka DJ Broam, curates the new Fulcrum Art Gallery tonight at 1308 Martin Luther King Jr. Way.  Check out Joseph Miller’s multimedia installation “Lambscapes.” â€" Suzy Stump and Jamie Forsythe

THE CRAFT
Rockin’ Knit Night
Tacoma Art Place hosts Rockin’ Knit Night tonight where knitters â€" beginners to experts â€" drop stitch with master knitter Megan Peters and listen to CDs. Cable needles and “Crazy Train!” Nice! â€" Suzy Stump

[Tacoma Art Place, Thursdays, 5:30-8 p.m., no cover, 1116 S. 11th, Tacoma, 253.238.1006]

MORE EVENTS: Get out of the house today.

STAGE
“Operation Stardust”
Harlequin Productions is staging its own musical drama set at a radio station during the war years. “Operation Stardust” is a jiving sort of holiday show many folks around the South Sound see every year as the serial show spins through World War II. â€" Steve Dunkelberger

[State Theater, through Dec. 31, 8 p.m., Thursday-Saturday, 2 p.m. Sunday, 3 p.m. Dec. 15, 22, 7 p.m. Dec. 31, $12-$38, 202 Fourth Ave. E., Olympia, 360.786-.0151]

MORE THEATER: On local stages today.

BLUES
Maria Muldaur
Maria Muldaur has embraced everything from blues and jazz to country and gospel. Her brief flirtation with pop music in the 1970s resulted in a one-hit-wonder, but the gifted singer was never cut out for that plastic scene and she quickly discarded her disco attire and returned to her Americana roots. Her career got a second wind in 2001 with the release of Richland Woman Blues. The album paid tribute to female blues artists from the 1930s and 1940s. Her latest offering, 2007’s Naughty, Bawdy and Blue, is a continuation of Muldaur’s praise for the likes of Bessie Smith and Victoria Spivey. â€" Tony Engelhart

[Jazzbones, 7 p.m., all ages, $15-$17, 2803 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.396.9169]

MORE MUSIC: In local clubs tonight.

THE DAILY WORD
Learn it, use it, spell it

Doff \DOF\, transitive verb:
1. To take off, as an article of clothing.
2. To tip or remove (one's hat).
3. To put aside; to rid oneself of.

USAGE EXAMPLE: The whole house gasped as Santa, drunk on cheap bourbon, doffed his red suit and revealed the secret he’d hid for decades. There, in plane sight, Ma, Pa, Sis, and Little Jimmy saw that Santa was a hermaphrodite. Christmas would never be the same.

THE MORNING NEWS

TACOMA: Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?

TACOMA: Giant art to invade Tacoma.

OHIO: Dude has a gas problem.

PROVO: Merry Christmas Mary Christmas.

HUSTLER OF CULTURE
You can stand atop the mountain and scream your naked desires to the universe or shed that synapse epilepsy and hug the South Sound today with your fellow man:

MUSIC: Bobble Tiki loves a good Christmas party. There’s nothing quite like getting drunk and doing something embarrassing every year to make the boring months of January and February a little more interesting. Bobble Tiki knows from experience. Tonight at Cheers West, check out the “Heavy Metal Christmas Party” with I Dekay, All The Hellbound, Totalisti, I Borjan and HMP. If ever there was a Christmas party designed for everything Bobble Tiki holds dear about the holidays, this is it. There’ll be booze and there’ll be rock, just like the Good Lord would want.

MORE MUSIC: In the clubs tonight.

ART: Walk the Walk tonight.

BOBBLE TIKI’S THREATS AND PROMISES COLUMN
Return of the Bison, despite the peculiar name, is a band capable of sonic devastation. Think Jesus Lizard kicking it with At the Drive-In on their way to a party at Fugazi’s house. Then add a little young Puyallup flavor and you’ve got the picture. Check out Bobble Tiki’s interview with the band here.

Breakfast with Bobble Tiki runs Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Deal with it.

The Red Hot

I don’t give a crap if the name is “Moonpie,” to me it’s a cookie.  And I also don’t give a flying duck if they are not fresh made there at The Red Hot.  I am declaring the Moonpie a cookie worthy of Steph DeRosa recognition.  So there.

The Moonpie is simple, vanilla, and finishes your night of mechanically separated meat with just the right amount of sweetness.  To me, there is a concept that rolls at The Red Hot that I just can’t let go.  It’s the concept of my American childhood.  RC Cola, hot dogs, and moon pies.  What I wouldn’t give to be watching an episode of "Three’s Company" while consumed in the epitome of my childhood diet.

It's a thick graham cracker cookie with marshmallow filling and a sugary icing all over.  Eat one before you go, or take it with you for the ride home.  Either way, you should eat it before Mr. Furley finds out you’re really straight.  Janet and Crissy would be lost without you.

From this moment forward I shall refer to The Red Hot as the Regal Beagle.  And you’ll like it. â€" Steph DeRosa

MORE COOKIES: See what's already in our cookie jar.

Here's an update to the Third Thursday Art Walk story I posted very early this morning (stupid cat!):

The Middle Floor Merchants host Santa tonight.  His throne will be the original chair from the old Rhodes store that graced downtown Tacoma for decades. â€" Suzy Stump

STAGE
“The Sound of Music”
The English language is only so specific when it comes to describing greatness. There is no word to say how entertaining “The Sound of Music” is other than to say wow. Everything goes right with this show. The sets are simple and effective. The singing is energized and plucky. The costumes are movie-set quality, and the acting brings up images of golden statues and long-winded speeches. â€" Steve Dunkelberger

[Lakewood Playhouse, 8 p.m., $14-22, 5729 Lakewood Towne Center Blvd. in the Lakewood Towne Center, off I-5 at Exit 125, 253.588.0042, www.lakewoodplayhouse.org]

MORE THEATER: On local stages today.

GOSPEL
Blind Boys of Alabama
With an unprecedented career, The Blind Boys of Alabama have been wowing audiences with their powerful vocal harmonies for almost 60 years and are showing no signs of slowing down. With gospel as their canvas, the group has the ability to paint outside the lines while introducing different shades and textures until a vibrant palette begins to take shape.

Tonight, the group will perform a holiday-themed concert that will feature music from their 2003 album, Go Tell It On the Mountain. â€" Tony Engelhart

[Washington Center, Friday, Dec. 21, 7:30 p.m., all ages, $17.75-$35.50, 512 Washington Street SE, Olympia, 360.753.8585]

ROCK
Seaweed
There are many reasons the two Seaweed shows at Hell’s Kitchen this week will be cooler than their Bumbershoot gig. First off, it’ll be a hell of a lot cheaper. Tickets for Seaweed at the Kitchen are 15 bucks. You can’t park at Bumbershoot for 15 bucks. Second, with all due respect to the EMP Sky Church, Seaweed belongs on a stage like the Kitchen’s. There need to be some flames, some spilled beer, and maybe even some vomit on the floor. There needs to be less than a foot from Seaweed’s sneakers to the drunken hands of the masses. At Hell’s Kitchen, this will all be possible.

Perhaps the biggest reason the shows at Hell’s Kitchen will be better than Bumbershoot will be Seaweed’s set lists. While the band was limited by time constraints at the major festival in Seattle, at the Kitchen they’re free to do what they please. This being the case, Seaweed has different sets planned tonight and Saturday, both full of songs previously buried and thought dead in the Seaweed live catalog. Look for songs like “New Tools” and “Clean Slate,” and heavy doses of Four and Weak. â€" Matt Driscoll

[Hell’s Kitchen, with Helms Alee, The Valley and The Centre Cannot Hold, 8 p.m., $15, 3829 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.759.6003]

MORE MUSIC: In the clubs tonight.

Tempest Lounge

Put the kids to bed, get the dog to babysit, and head to the Tempest Lounge. I went in “really quick” to get a cookie.  Yeah, right.  That’s like me trying to take “just a sip” of beer.

The choices are: Sugar, Oatmeal Raisin, Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Chocolate Chip, or Peanut Butter.  This is NOT an easy decision.   It takes 10 minutes to bake these puppies fresh, so there was no “real quick” about the ordering and baking process.  This is the part where you belly up to the bar and order yourself a hot toddy.  That’s exactly what I found James Hume doing.

The smell of cookie goodness wafts through the Tempest, giving all patrons an instant cookie addiction.   They were ordering them simply from the smell, not even knowing what hit them.  And why not?  You can’t beat the price for what you’re getting.  Three fresh, large, warm, ewy-gooey cookies for $4.

Then I glanced over to the wall behind the pool table.  I saw the massacre remnants of what should have been a snowman coloring contest.  It was an adult playground of insanity is what it was.

Tempest patrons along with local artists such as Teddy Haggarty and Houston Wimberly crafted the abominable snowmen on display.  They paid $5 to enter the contest, and Tempest-ites can pay $1 per vote to push their favorite drawing to victory.  The winners will receive T-shirts, gift cards, and special surprise Tempest treats.  And by “surprise” I am led to believe they mean naked pictures of Diane. 

All money raised by the snowman coloring contest will benefit the St. Luke’s FISH Food Bank.  Although other donations are being accepted to send Michelle to art school where she will learn to make white trash disco balls out of plastic Dixie cups. â€" Steph DeRosa

MORE COOKIES: See what's already in our cookie jar.

By the time you’ve finished shopping, wrapping, and undergoing a nervous breakdown, you’ll no doubt be hungry. Most restaurants are shuttered tight Christmas Eve, but a few places will be open for your wassailing pleasure. Check it here. â€" Jake de Paul