They didn't want me there, but I showed up anyway. I have no class. I will crash any party and not look back.
Swarner Communications had their annual Christmas party at Ruby Collection this year. For those of you who live under a rock, they are the ones who sign my paycheck. They are the ones I had the Italian mafia talk to in order to get me this space in the Spew. (By the way, Pappi Swarner should be regaining his eyesight within the next month, and he thanks everyone for all the nice get well soon cards.)
The food was great, the wine and beer were flowing, and everyone looked gorgeous. Especially Carmen Jones. You guys all recognize the name, I'm sure. She's the ultimate Tacoma socialite, so of course she HAD to be there. She�d never miss a party. Apparently she couldn't decide on which of the many, many guys at her heels to take to the Christmas party, because she showed up with Syd Vicious, a chick. This is the part where it turns scary. Put the kids to bed before you continue reading.
There was a gift exchange. You know the kind. Bring a gift, draw a number, pick a gift, it gets to be taken three times, people try and give away their ugly gifts, others hide the good gifts, you know the drill. In some parts of Tacoma (the DeRosa parts), fights break out, people are shot, and ultimately jail time is spent. Then there's Syd Vicious, Carmen's date.She beautiful, she's powerful, and she has the eyes of the devil. The entire evening leading up the incident was an effin blast. We had the crew huddled around a cocktail table. Me, Mojitomamma (Jessica Corey-Butler), Carmen, KAke, and Syd. We were laughing, hugging, and the world was our oyster. Syd had her eyes on a beautiful black purse that Angela Jossy had brought, yet Allison Swarner had her hands on it. Let me warn you, Allison is married to the nice Swarner brother, Ken. (Not Pappi Swarner.)
The fact that it was the boss's wife who held the immaculate purse Syd wanted had no effect on her. She didn't care. She took the purse from Allison. It was down to one more take. My turn was coming. At this point in the evening is when the horns came out of Syd's head, her eyes caught fire, and I was given my options:
Now, usually I am one tough bitch, but I got a little scared. Syd Vicious had some high heel boots on that would leave a scar on my forehead for the rest of my life. I took the purse. I had the final, third take.I got the glare from Allison Swarner. Ken then announced the end of any future Spew Toilet Tales. Pappi Swarner threw his green bean casserole in my face and called me a loser. I was done.
And all because of Carmen and her sidekick, Syd.
But just like the Grinch that stole Christmas, I had a revelation. (Actually KAke walked up to me and whispered in my ear.) I won't tell you what our grand plan is, but I will tell you that Syd is not getting the purse. I am going to keep the purse, and show it a good time before I retire it to a comfortable home. So from here on out, the purse will be highlighted in my Toilet Tales pictures.
Oh, and some pictures of the bathrooms in Ruby Collection. The pictures do not do it justice; you absolutely MUST see the detail. Best bathrooms by far to date.
Until next week¬" Steph DeRosa