STAGE
Personal Ad
"Chubby, Smart, Blonde, SWF 5'4" seeks opportunity to fall in love, decide not to get married or have children, reveal all closeted skeletons, become truly intimate, build intense mutual appreciation, decide we need more than the other person can give, part amicably, and booty call each other for the next three years. Or not. What do you want?"
What you just read is professional storyteller Elizabeth Lord’s personal ad.
Hmmm.
Wait, it’s not what you and I think, I think. Lord will present a one-woman original storytelling show titled Personal Ad. She’ll discuss the ins and outs of love relationships in the modern world. Think Spalding Gray meets Margaret Cho.â€" Suzy Stump
[The Midnight Sun Performance Space, May 1-4, 8 p.m., $7-$15, 113 N. Columbia St., Olympia, 360.250.2721]

GRINDCORE
Skarp
Opportunity is everywhere, and you never really know when it will present itself.
For Skarp, a Seattle-based grindcore metal band, opening for Jello Biafra and the Melvins in ’04 and ’05 proved to be quite an opportunity. Not only did the band, which emerged in 2000, get to share the stage with legends in the world of punk and sludge, but they also got a chance to audition for Biafra’s record label â€" Alternative Tentacles â€" though at the time Skarp likely had no idea. After watching Skarp lace into a frenzied crowd with an original mix of anger, ska, crust and hardcore â€" an odd sounding brew that Skarp has mastered and made homogonous â€" Biafra offered the band a spot on his label. In ’05, that relationship produced Requiem, a well written and well conceived display of original metal that surely has fans desperate for more. â€" Matt Driscoll
[The Viaduct, 8 p.m., all ages, 5412 South Tacoma Way, Tacoma, www.myspace.com/ viaductvenue]

PSYCHEDELIC ROCK
Vampire Hands
Vampire Hands have won me over with their psychedelic rock done right. Vampire Hands will hit Le Voyeur in Olympia tonight, and it has all the makings of a show you don’t want to miss. They’ll be in town, on tour, from their cold and lake-filled home in Minnesota.
I first heard Vampire Hands on KEXP. The station chose “Paradise Knife Fights” as a song of the day in mid-January, and it was hard to deny the band had something special. Many acts have hopped on the psych rock bandwagon lately, but Vampire Hands is a cut above. It’s a minimal mix of ambience and rock that has the ability to make indie kids go gaga. â€" Matt Driscoll
[Le Voyeur, Vampire Hands, Daguerreotypes, Triclops, 10 p.m., no cover, 404 Fourth Ave E., Olympia, 360.943.5710]

LINK: Jonny Smokes and others in the clubs tonight.
LINK: The Advice Goddess solves two more problems.
LINK: Let’s eat at Dockside Bistro today.