STEPH DEROSA: TOP TEN THINGS I�VE LEARNED IN THE FIRST HALF OF 2008 >>>
The drinks were flowing, the food was warm and tasty, and we were having fun inside the comforting confines of Crown Bar. I headed to the bathroom to take a break and found myself recollecting on things I've come across here in Tacoma. I've met some great people and had the opportunity to attend some ber-sensational events. I've also learned a lot as a high-priced Weekly Volcano columnist. Some things I probably shouldn't share with you, but there are a few things I will.
Around the end of 2007 I compiled a list on the Spew of Top 10 things I've Learned in the Year 2007. I think it's about time I did: Top 10 Things I've Learned in the First Half of 2008. Even though I've learned approximately 54 things in the first part of 2008, I will spare you the gory details and give you only 10. Plus I am trying not to piss off too many more people as my new Second Half of 2008 resolution. We'll see if I manage to stick to that.
1. Apparently the people who attend the Chalk Challenge at Frost Park every Friday at noon are not the target audience that understands what stay at home moms are. Yet they are the target audience for understanding toilet bowls, horses, Pinocchio, or anything created by RR Anderson.
2. Beer snobs really are snobs.
3. It is still possible at the age of 36 to get hormonal facial blemishes known as zits.
4. It is possible to get pulled over in Ellensburg not for speeding, but for just being so damn good looking.
5. After much debate and research, the right of passage for manhood is the time when a man gets his balls snipped.
6. There are still thousands of people in Tacoma with no sense of humor. Whether it's genetics or just plain pretentiousness with these unfortunate beings, I find it my calling to remedy this growing epidemic.
7. Pole dancing, whether for pure fitness or for stripping, is no laughing matter. It's serious business and how dare anyone acquire any information regarding this profession. Don't ask me how I know this.
8. Poles used in said pole dancing do indeed have a weight limit.
9. Hot-headed guys from Michigan have problems with reading comprehension.
10. After seeing them live twice, Death Cab for Cutie still sucks huge raging elephant testacles.
I guess I have a number 11: Crown Bar freakin rules.