RON SWARNER: TUDORING >>>

I’ve enjoyed HBO’s The Tudors, a sexed-up, color-splashed take on the tale of England’s King Henry VIII, with a Project Renaissance Runway flair for fashion.  Yes, you can quibble over The Tudors’ over-reliance on sleek exteriors and bodice-ripping soapiness while debating the series’ historical insight in depicting the story of King Henry VIII.  The show occasional sends me on a fact-checking trip to the history books, which is nice.

Tacoma Art Museum’s member-only preview of its new exhibit, Illuminating the Word: The Saint John's Bible, was preceded by an hour-long performance by The Tudor Choir from Seattle. Dressed in black, the small choir filled TAM’s foyer with the beautiful works by Renaissance composer Thomas Tallis, who was a Gentleman of the Chapel Royal in 1543, composing and performing for Henry VIII. In The Tudors, Tallis, played by Joe Van Moyland, looks like a young, creepy Johnny Wadd. Just saying.

My sunburn and I sped from the Old Town Blues Festival grabbing the last seat for last night’s Tudor Choir performance. TAM was strict on outside disturbances, shutting down the elevator and posting volunteers at all doors to prevent latecomers from disturbing the people in black.

The music was amazing. Truly. The Choir ran through such Tallis’ treats as Loquebantur varlis linguis, Sancte Deus, Puer natus est nobis Sarum chant and other hits. As the music swirled about my head I imagined myself milling about smartly in the HBO hit, mostly in the role as the King, of course.

Still, listening to church music, at least for me, is a task, especially after a long day in the sun (and beer garden). Studying my fellow TAM members, most older than me, many were in my court, too.  My mind wandered during the concert. A lot. Here is a glimpse:

(Why are they all wearing black?)

(Do the ladies in the balcony know you can almost see up their skirts from the foyer below?)

(That bass singer looks like one of the ZZ Top guys. He would look awesome in sunglasses right now.)

(I wondered if King Henry VIII’s court bathed every day?  What did they use for deodorant?)

(Their voices are amazing. I can hear each one if I concentrate. Nope, I can’t here that dude’s voice.)

(I should go to the YMCA tomorrow. I’ll work chest and legs.)

(How much longer? Should I grab my phone to check the time? OH MY GOD, did I switch to vibrate?)

(“Beth. Plorans ploravit in nocte” â€" It would be funny if Peter Criss was up their singing? Is he still alive?)

(No, I think I’ll work arms and back tomorrow.)

(Tallis-allis-bo-ballisâ€"tallisallis-fo-fallis-fe-fy-mo- mallis â€" Tallis.)

(Why is ultra tan skeleton guy just staring at his wife? Just. Staring.)

(Check out all the people outside waiting to get in during a break. One, two, three like nine.)

(Wow, that guy is really putting his whole head into his singing. He looks like he’s kissing the song.)

(Now skeleton guy is staring at his sleeping friend. Just. Staring. So weird.)

(Hey, maybe I should be writing this crap down. I could blog it tomorrow. No, that would be stupid).

By the way, the new exhibit is fascinating.  Check it out.

LINK: Tacoma Art Museum
LINK: Weekly Volcano's Exhibits calendar