KEN SWARNER: IT’S ALL ABOUT PIRATES THIS WEEK >>>
As lovingly played out in the Weekly Volcano this week, we were captured by pirates. Avast!
With Tall Ships in town, I esacped to converse with a few local lady pirates about their love of food and male pirates. Due to space constraints, the following is the complete transcripts of my conversation with members of The Marauding Mollys, a roller derby team in the Dockyard Derby Dames league:
KEN SWARNER: I understand that pirates have a ferocious appetite, however, on the high seas, the food, er, sucks. When on shore, where do you like to eat?
PSYCHOPATH CHICK: The Acme of course! They got the coldest beer in town, not to mention the stiffest drinks! And our Flag hangs there ... Arrrg! My diet consists of rum and PBR and an occasional taco.
SARATED EDGE: The Acme, of course. It's our home bar. The tomato sauce on the pizza keeps us from getting scurvy.
VICIOUS DIVALICIOUS: Well anywhere the ships are close for a fast getaway!
SWARNER: We’ve seen the tabloids, the reality shows, and the Geraldo Rivera specials, but really, honestly, what do lady pirates think of male pirates?
CHICK: I think Male Pirates are pretty cool ... when they're dead!
EDGE: Male pirates are so cute, especially when volunteering to help with our bouts. We make sure they get lots of views of short skirts and fishnet stockings. We feed them Murph's BBQ and cold PBR. It makes them happy.
DIVALICIOUS: Arrg fun to play with.
SWARNER: When not getting your fill, what do lady pirates do with the rest of their time?
EDGE: When not eating, I knock down weak vampire chicks, tiny little Irish girls, and slow homewrecking battle axes ... on wheels ... in fishnets.
DIVALICIOUS: Drink rum, pillage, and plunder. We really like hanging at the Acme!
Enough said … I guess.