MATT DRISCOLL: HELD HOSTAGE >>>

Pssst. Hey you!

Help!

The Weekly Volcano’s World Headquarters has been taken over by pirates. As I type this, hiding in the fetal position underneath my desk clutching a life-sized cardboard cutout of John Elway I keep for inspiration, pirates of all blimey shapes and sizes are pillaging and plundering everything in sight. I haven’t seen Suzy Stump in an hour, and in all honesty I’m worried about her. (I hope she didn't get nabbed by the dude in that photo!)

The reason for the pirate invasion, of course, is Tall Muthafuckin’ Ships Tacoma 2008. The hobbling and eye patched swabs stormed into our offices sometime yesterday, and we’ve all been held captive since. From what I gather (and it’s tough to see what’s going on while tucked like a coward in the fetal position), these pirates have taken it upon themselves to write and produce our entire Tall Ships Tacoma ’08 issue, which hits streets tomorrow.

So, if you like pirates, tomorrow’s issue of the Weekly Volcano will be for you. It’s written by pirates, for those who like pirates.

But if you like anyone who works for the Weekly Volcano, please send help.

Cardboard Elway can only protect me for so long.