STEPH DEROSA: WHO DOES THAT? >>>

Look, I don't blame some of the folks at Jazzbones. I wouldn't want to clean a damn public bathroom- no matter how much you paid me. And let's just all come to terms with the fact that the ladies room at Jazzbones is always going to be one of the worst public restrooms in Tacoma. Hundreds of drunken idiots are using those facilites on any given weekend, so it's bound to be a torn-up mess by the time I step foot in there.

Guaranteed there's either going to be no toilet paper, or no hand soap, or a clogged toilet, or no paper towels, or a wet floor (not fun for flip-flops), or a toilet that you have to flush by lifting the back lid and pulling up the plug manually. And can I just mention that aside from the handicapped toilet, the only other stall is about as big as a shoebox? I'm not talkin' a big ol' Doc Martin's shoebox either, I'm talkin' 'bout my 5-year-old daughter's shoebox. Seriously, who has hundreds of people inside a venue for a packed live performance and only two girl's stalls? Who does that? Yeah, yeah, I know- there's another bathroom upstairs. But when you're tearin' up the dance floor in front of Bumma Stoge, who wants to haul their ass all the way up to those rooms?

While I waited in the inevitable girls' restroom pee-line, I started to ponder other unbelievable "Who does that?" situations.

Most recent example: Zoobilee last Friday. Steph DeRosa did not dress up as much as some of the other gals. I donned a simple black dress, but accessorized with some hot pink décor. (The small hot pink handbag was on sale, OK?) Well, a woman walked up to me, and this was the conversation:
Her: I have that same scarf!
Me: Oh cool!
Her: I got mine in Santa Cruz.
Me: Wow, nice.
Her: Where did you get yours?
Me: Macy's.
Her: Oh, well mine is just like yours but I got it in Santa Cruz. I probably paid too much for it.
Me: Yeah but you have a way better story to tell about where you got it! Unlike Macy's.
Her: Yeah, and I was staying in a twenty-million-dollar house, so...

Who does that? Who says stuff like that to a complete stranger, and out of nowhere? I just replied, "Oh, cool" and then walked away. What was she trying to prove? Was she threatened by me? Or my stupid Macy's scarf? Was she an insecure money-grubber, or what? Seriously, who says that?

Example number two: Pearly Whites Laser Dentistry on Ruston Way. I have extremely sensitive teeth, so I was looking for a less intrusive way to have my teeth cleaned. I personally went into their Ruston Way office, talked to the receptionist, asked my questions, etc., etc., etc. I made an appointment, but told them that I would be checking in with my dental insurance to make sure that they would cover some of the costs of laser dentistry.

The morning before the appointment at about 10 a.m., I still had not clarified things with my dental insurance, so I called Pearly Whites to reschedule my appointment. Now, just for clarification- my appointment wasn't until 1:30 p.m. the next day, so this was over 24 hours notice. Here's the conversation:

Me: I still haven't spoken with my insurance, so I need to reschedule my appointment I have tomorrow.
Them: Do you have a day yet that you want to reschedule?
Me: Let me look at my calendar.
Them: Make sure it's a day that you are sure you can make it.
Me: Excuse me?
Them: Make sure it's a day that you know you're not going to have to reschedule.
Me: What do you mean? (Disbelief)
Them: We don't like it when people reschedule their appointments. That's why we send out reminder cards.
Me: Then maybe I should just cancel my appointment altogether.
Them: Yeah, and then you can call back and make an appointment when you know you aren't going to cancel.

Who says that? Answer me! I'm appalled that this kind of shit comes out of people's mouths! Especially when they are a business like that-no one NEEDS laser dentistry, it is a luxury and they should come off as appealing and welcoming to the consumer. Am I right? Give me a fucking break.

I could go on and on with examples, mainly with ones about my mother-in-law. People say the dumbest shit to me. I think it's a brain disease that causes people not to think before they open their mouths. In the meantime, here's a video that cheers me up.

LINK: Toilet Tales archive