STEPH DEROSA: SUMMER CONCERT CHARACTERS >>>
Summer is almost over and the days of outdoor music festivals and amphitheater concerts are coming to an end. For dinner this week I will be inviting my favorite (and not-so-favorite) music fans that I have run into a few times this summer. You’ll recognize the habits of these certain people, I know you will.
Because I care so much about my dinner guests this week, I will only be serving the finest culinary cuisine. I’m talking about ice cream. More specifically, we’ll be having the ice cream that melted and landed on Bandito Betty’s toe yesterday at the Point Defiance Music Festival. Yummy!
Serving up some stiff drinks this DWD is bartender Tina of The
Cliffhouse at the Gorge Amphitheater. Actually, I have no idea what
her name was. I had forgotten what she told me a few drinks into my
pre-concert festivities. If you ever have the opportunity to acquire
Cliffhouse passes to a Gorge show, do it! Better than any VIP Lounge
pass, the Cliffhouse gives you and amazing cliff and side stage view,
outdoor seating, indoor air conditioned seating, a flat screen TV for
concert viewing, and REAL indoor restrooms. On top of that you have
yummy food, cold beer, and the only liquor serving bar at the Gorge.
Just steps away from our 12th row seats, the Cliffhouse came in very
handy. Plus, like I said, the drinks were stiff as all hell. Mango
vodka is my new friend.
It used to be that simply being a member of a band’s “fan club†gave
priority in venue seating arrangements. Not anymore. Since the
purchase of the Gorge Amphitheater by Live Nation, it’s the Live Nation
members who get seating priority. And by “Live Nation members†I mean
scalpers. Seeing as how I’m nothing over 5’4â€, concert viewing can
sometimes be a challenge and obstructions are common thus pushing us to
buy certain (expensive scalper) seats for better viewing. Specifically
I like floor seats, up close, and on the aisle. Being in an aisle seat
also means no one is standing in front of me. That is, until I met
this summer’s biggest concert asshole.
Mr. DeRosa is very gentleman-like when it comes to asking people to
move out of my way so his wife can see. Especially if they are
standing in the damn aisle, not in any specific seat, and clearly
obstructing my view. For the most part the people apologize and move.
Not this asshole. He simply turned to us and said, “I don’t care. I
work here.†Fuck you, asshole. Because you work at the Gorge
Amphitheater means you have the right to forget all common decency and
respect for others? I immediately threw my camera in his face and gave
him the Steph DeRosa “what for.†(I read him a verbally abusive riot
act.) As he turned and walked away we both gave each other our
respectful middle fingers. Apparently Live Nation not only has a
strong hold on its floor seat ticket sales, but it’s also cornered the
market on employing Washington state’s biggest asshats.
Next guest is a personal favorite of mine. She was obnoxiously drunk,
loud, and bitchy. She sat a few rows back and found herself creeping
up front quite a few times during the show. At one point she was
standing in front of me (blocking my view!) and I had had enough. I
told her to get the fuck back in her seat and out of my way. She
immediately did so, but the followed up with a bellowing, “Ok, I’m here
in my seat … what now, BITCH?!?†I immediately fell in love. Oh hell
yeah, she was my new best friend. Any girl with that kick ass attitude
is a girl that I can respect.
Unfortunately I got busted taking pictures before I could complete my
list of DWD concert guests. Sneaking in my camera ala bosom cleavage
is good for getting into the venue, but when you’re obnoxiously taking
pictures of creepy concertgoers, you’re bound to get busted.
Regardless, I had every intention of including the following people on this week’s dinner guest list:
Puker the party pooper: Yeah, getting wasted in the parking lot was a
ton of fun, I’m sure, but how does spending money on concert tickets to
a show you don’t remember seeing feel? It’s gotta hurt worse than my
foot up your ass. Thanks for ruining my shoes, douche bag.
Rick Dees: This isn’t a Top 40 radio request show; stop yelling out
songs. They have a set list and very rarely do they waver away from
it. Shut up already. Oh, wait, I did get a picture of this guy
yelling out, “Tom Sawyer!†at yesterday’s 2112 (Rush Tribute Band) show
at Point Defiance Music Festival.
Bobbie Brown: I love your dance moves, really I do, but unless you’ve
introduced yourself to me and made somewhat of a personal connection,
stop fucking hitting me with your flailing arms and hippie dancing.
Usually, I’ll dance right along with you and my body knows no limits,
but not when you present yourself as a pretentious ass that is too good
to make eye contact with me even though your elbow is in my appendix.
Mangiamo!
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