STEPH DEROSA: MONDAY MADNESS >>>

Do the schools even give away “fair days” anymore? I heard all the Western Washington kids used to get a day off of school to go to the fair. Down in Texas we got a day off to go to the rodeo, but not before we had “western wear week” all week. It’s surprising how one 8-year-old can own so many plaid shirts and cowboy hats when you live in Houston. Who the hell cares about Washington school’s “fair day” regulations anyway?  I took my mini-me to the Puyallup Fair Monday, and it was well worth the call to CPS I’m sure her teacher made.*

Every parking spot in every lot is a fund-raiser. Whether it’s raising money to go to a church, a PTA, or some Puyallup alcoholic’s beer fund â€" your hard earned money is dropped into the hands of some dude waving a small orange flag. And you’ll pay, no matter how much it hurts. I thought it would be a good idea if Mr. DeRosa just dropped us off, but that served to be quite a challenge as well. Traffic was horrendous.

Remember, even though your kindergartener (or younger) may get a free fair ticket from school, 5-year-olds still get in for free. So it’s best you take your free ticket and scalp that shit. Soccer moms pay big bucks for that stuff. I kid, I kid â€" give it away like I did. Either way, I made a soccer mom very happy.

Inside those pearly farm gates lies Krusty Pups, scones, and household appliance demonstrations farther than the eye can see. All three of these things are a “must” if you’re going to do the Puyallup Fair right. Forget the Jenny Craig diet for just one day â€" that Krusty Pup is worth every calorie. Hell, I even heard somewhere that prisoners are willing to be somebody’s bitch for a day in order to score a Krusty Pup and scone. I know I would.

Another sizzling score for fairgoers yesterday was “Monday Madness.” Get this: All rides were just ONE ticket. That’s right, I said ONE ticket. So instead of sinking the normal four bucks on a sketchy ride, you are only spending ONE! Let the pukefest begin!

The best part of the Puyallup Fair (along with the cheap fair rides and unbelievably tasty fair food) was the sun. Dammit, it was hot, sunny, blue skies, and a perfect fair day. We had a blast, wore our shoes thin, and soaked up some rays. I may bitch and moan about prices and parking, but the Puyallup Fair is not something you can miss and still live with yourself, especially if you have a child. Make the Puyallup Fair a memory â€" not just for your kids, but also for your family as a whole.

*Just kidding, my daughter received a day off school to go to the fair. I’m not as terrible of a mom as most might think.

[Puyallup Fairgrounds, Through Sept. 21, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Sunday-Thursday, 10 a.m. to 11 p.m., $8-$10, Ninth and Meridian, Puyallup, 253.841.5045]