SUZY STUMP: BOARD WITH HALLOWEEN >>>

I don’t want to spend Ghoul’s night going to the same dumb bar I go to every other Friday night, sitting on the same squishy lounge couch, drinking eight-dollar Mexican beer, listening to Blondie for the billionth time, surrounded by drunk boneheads dressed like Sarah Palin who all think their costume is really clever.   This year, I’m headed back to the real meaning of Halloween â€" beyond  the costumes and candy and kookiness to the horror and numinous magic.

Maybe I'll call my friends and we'll load up on Ho-Ho’s and Count Chocula cereal and spend most of the late hours Halloween night with our hands hovering over the Ouija board. OK, I don’t own an Ouija board so I’m using a wine glass (classy!) and this weekend I cut out letters and numbers and the words “yes” and “no” and placed them  accordingly. That part was fun because I got drunk while creating the board. In my stupor, I put my hands on the glass and asked, “if there will be a woman in my life?”  I waited a minute and then, slowly it started to move.  It spelled “MSRSSSSRSVSQSR.” Mrs. Srvqr? I’m going to date a Russian piano teacher?

Maybe I’ll go see a film.