SUSY STUMP: LISTEN UP WITCHYPOO >>>

Do you long to be an “ordinary witch” by day who “transforms at night” into some sort of scary pink-robed glittery giggly perky blond pseudo-witch “magical enchantress” thing, perusing your “book of spells” with its plethora of “mysterious compartments” that “hold your secrets,” along with recipes for concocting real potions “you can actually drink”?

You do? Well Jesus with an orgasmic wolf howl and some heavy goth eyeliner, are you ever in luck.

Because just in time for Halloween season and just in time to make a few thousand hyper-Christian parental brows furrow with consternation and spiritual constipation, here comes the Fall Mystical Masquerade Ball and Food Drive. Presented by the Mahlorian Green Craft, those who worship The Green Goddess, this boodown offers cash prizes for the best costumes, music, dancing and a limited Rob Carlos original to the first 100 to float through the door.

Hurrah!

[Town Hall, Saturday, Oct. 18, 7-11 p.m., $18 plus two cans of food for Northwest Harvest, 3715 Bridgeport Way W., University Place]