STEPH DEROSA: IS AT THE MIX FOR TONIGHT'S ELECTION ACTION >>>

Below you'll find live blogging action from the Weekly Volcano's own Steph DeRosa. She'll be at the Mix all night tonight watching the electoral madness unfold â€" not to mention the drinks flow like, well, drinks.

Enjoy.

5:07 p.m. - After climbing up a dirt hill from South 7th Street, I finally made it to The Mix.  Out front I found a gaggle of men pondering the Broadway LID project.  One smartass had me convinced they were installing a kiddie pool on Market Street.  Jerk.

They've pulled out the balloons.  Yes, balloons.  This election party is no joke.  I'm a little dissapointed they won't let me play with any helium.

5:24 p.m. - Bandito Betty has arrived!  She says if this is another "too close to call" election she's going to have to shoot someone.  And she has a new tattoo.

5:30 p.m. - A funky smell has overtaken The Mix.  It's mysteriously close to my table.  I've asked Bandito Betty to close her legs as a precautionary measure.

5:36 p.m. - Thanks to my observant and keen senses, I have saved The Mix from burning down.  A gentleman's pea coat was smoking against a light bulb.  They've refused to pay me any reward money. 

5:45 p.m. - Erik Emery Hanberg is in the house!

5:50 p.m. - A lot of booing going on for the states of Virginia and West Virginia.  Are they going to boo every red state?  Not that it's right or wrong, but I may have to pop a balloon just to break up all the hub bub.

6:20 p.m. - I went outside to warn the smokers that they need to be standing 25 feet away from the building.  Thankfully Market Street is closed, so standing in the middle of it is the safest it's ever been.
 
Bandito and I are wondering what the politicians are doing right now.  Are they at a bar like we are?  Are they in a secret tunnel deep in the Poconos?  Or is McCain at home in his La-Z-Boy sippin' a tall one?
 
Jonathan and Brock are tearin' it up tonight.  Seriously.  These fake smiles say it all.

6:30 p.m. - Breaking News on the TV!  Some guy won something in Kentucky!  I'd love to say the Mix is going wild, but nobody noticed. It was McCain by the way.

6:34 p.m. - CNN has Obama with 194 electoral votes to McCain's 69.

6:35 p.m. - CNN projects Barack Obama the winner of the battleground state of Ohio. Drew Carey would be proud.

6:36 p.m. - WOW.  Obama won that red state.  You know what that is?  That's army wives not wanting their husbands to be deployed anymore.  Bandito filled me in on that one.
 
Commercial Break

We're headed to Maxwell's Speakeasy up the road to check out their action.  Not that there aren't enough gorgeous men here at The Mix, but I need some more eye candy.  Cute Maxwell's bartenders â€" here I come!

6:45 p.m. - MSNBC reports Obama now has 200 electoral votes to McCain's 90.

6:48 p.m. - I lied.  We haven't left yet.  This guy is yelling obnoxiously loud into his cell phone.  He's talking to his mom about something that's in the refrigerator.  It's almost as exciting as Obama taking hold of Ohio.
 
OK, now he's yelling about the microwave, "Did you take the plastic off the top?  It's been three minutes!"  Our country is reaching a historical milestone and his mom has something in the microwave.

7:03 p.m. - MSNBC reports Obama still with 200 electoral votes with McCain gaining with 124.

7:05 p.m. - It's now 207 to 129 Obama.

7:06 p.m. - By the way, I'm updating this thing through my phone now. There isn't any wireless at Maxwell's, but they do have 30 percent off wine!

7:14 p.m. - McCain now has 135 to Obama's 207. Is Driscoll pooping his pants?

7:15 p.m. - The conversation I'm eavesdropping on next to me in Maxwell's lounge is both nauseating and priceless.

7:23 p.m. - It's so dark in here I can't see my food. Bandito says it's on my shirt. Crap.

7:26 p.m. - Looks as if Florida, Virginia, North Carolina, Missouri, and Indiana are still too close to call.

7:27 p.m. - Looks as if my wine glass wasn't too close to call. Thanks to the fast bartender, it's now a McCain wine glass again.

7:33 p.m. - Fox News reports that California, Hawaii, Idaho and Washington are also too close to call. Nothing regarding the results of my wine glass level.

7:39 p.m. - The polls close in 20 minutes. I'm sure no one here at Maxwell's cares.

7:40 p.m. - NBC News reports that the marijuana decriminalization passes in Massachusetts, and Michigan OKs medical marijuana. 

Matt Driscoll: Ohio sealed the deal. We're literally witnessing history. This is by far the most important event I've seen in my life. The scene in Grant Park is something people will talk about as long as there's a United States of America. I'm so proud of my country right now.

7:42 p.m. - Driscoll must be in the Obama Zone not to have commented on my last post.

7:51 p.m. - The folks at The Mix predicted Maxwell's would be full of 80-year-old Republicans. They were wrong. It's full of 40-year-old Republican salad eaters. So there!

Matt Driscoll: I am in the Zone. And yes â€" in fact â€" I have pooped. I named it Sarah Palin, and now keep it in my room and refer to it fondly as one of the reasons Barack Obama is the next president of our great country.

7:56 p.m. - McCain has climbed to 142 electoral votes to Obama's 207.

Wait! Correction: Obama has 284 to McCain's 146!

8:03 p.m. - CNN and most of the other news networks report that Barack Obama is the new president of the United States. Obama has 297 electoral votes.

8:04 p.m. - Funny that the server had to inform some people here that Obama just won. Bandito reports that I will be having another glass of wine. Steph wins!

8:16 p.m. - People are on the phone as if they found out they were pregnant with Michael Douglas' child. And you know he's too old to have more kids, so ...

8:25 p.m. - Watching McCain congratulate Obama. Obama won Florida and has 333 electoral votes to McCain's 155.

8:26 p.m. - Bandito congratulates me for the ability to still stand.