SUZY STUMP: PAPPI SWARNER’S JUKEBOX >>>

Today our fearless leader Pappi Swarner announced he will now pattern his life after the CBS ‘70s television series The Waltons, plucky clan of Depression-era Virginians that didn't have much, but they always had one important thing: their dignity. In these troubling times, Pappi says we cannot afford to fall into the depths of depravity. It is every American's duty to pull up his or her socks, stand up straight, and face the future bravely.

Of course Pappi was loaded with eggnog when he made this announcement.

Anyway, it’s Friday afternoon at the Weekly Volcano World Headquarters and our profound and nostalgic leader Pappi has locked himself in his office blasting his ‘70s jukebox. This week he’s fired up Hot Chocolate’s “You Sexy Thing."

Good night Pappi.