MICHAEL SWAN: PAPPI SWARNER’S ‘70S JUKEBOX >>>

Pappi Swarner’s lack of sleep finally caught up with him. He nabbed the bug spreading throughout the South Sound. He’s sick. Yet, the idiot keeps coming to the office. Thanks a million, Pappi.

He’s holed up in his office right now blasting every version of Elton John’s “Rocket Man.” I think he’s hallucinating on cough medicine. I’ve never seen him so …. High!

Below are the three versions we’re being subjected to the most. I wish I was on a different planet.