BOBBLE TIKI: CONFOUND IT >>>

There are signs Bobble Tiki may be getting old â€" although he likes to attribute them to things like global warming and international terrorism. Gray hairs pop up in odd places; Bobble Tiki spends as much time peeing as he does drinking beer; hangovers last at least 48 hours; and Bobble Tiki hasn't liked any new music since the late-70s.

Bobble Tiki, however, is not as old as the South Carolina Legislature. This nanny-government body has a bill on its floor that will make the use of profanity a criminal offense in their state. Apparently, it's all about the kids, you know, and protecting their so-called innocence.

It's true. The honest, hard-working, sexually terrified South Carolina elected officials are running around their offices with their hands to their heads, each thinking oh my freaking Jefferson Davis what if our beautiful wee one just so happens to walk by Homeless Hank on their way to Opie's Corner Store & Loans for a refreshing 36 ounces of Pepsi to wash down their kiddie Prozac, and they just so happen to hear Homeless Hank call his imaginary friend a shitdamnfuckface! Surely, their heads would explode.

Seriously? Seriously.

These elected officials need to quite wasting time and spend more time making sure their kids don't grow up to be serial killers or, worse, Christian conservatives.