STEPH DEROSA: CHEF SALAD >>>

Price: $10.95
Rating: Two our of four croutons

Before heading into the Tacoma Dome’s Home and Garden Show last week, I met up with The KAke and Tacomachickadee for a quick lunch at Alfred’s Café and Bubble Room.  The spunky server took care of us knowing that we were three ladies (I use the term “ladies” very loosely) who had a very limited time and were anxious to head up the hill to get our hands dirty at the T-Dome.  Chickadee noshed on a BLT while I ordered Alfred’s Chef Salad.  Both KAke and Chickadee pointed and laughed as the server set down this humungo plate of lettuce and deli meat in front of me.  How in the hell was I supposed to eat all that?

Description: First off, let it be known that I specifically ordered this salad with no croutons, so the crouton amount is not a factor in this Tossing Salad review. The iceberg/romaine combination was for the most part fresh and crunchy, aside from the occasional brown romaine rib edge. But with ominous amounts of protein and dairy atop this large mound of greens, you’d really never noticed any foliage wrongdoing.  Bagged cheddar and mozzarella, thinly sliced turkey and ham deli meat, tomatoes, and one perfectly sliced hard boiled egg graced the height of my platter giving me ample opportunity to dig into whatever flavor my salad-lovin’ heart preferred.

Taste: It tasted exactly how you’d expect.  The meat and cheese ingredients were a typical salt- processed flavor, while what made every bite deliciously edgy was the Honey Mustard dressing.  All the chicks out there know what I’m talking about when I say it was the sweet/salty combo that hit my premenstrual cravings just right. 

Conclusion: I liked it.  For a quick and filling salad, it hit the spot just right.  This was a fucking big salad, which I could easily compare to Viafore’s Chef Salad.  They both carried lunch meat atop a mound of greens; it simply depends on how much you want to pay.  For twice the price you can get twice the salad toppings at Alfred’s AND not have to ware off the Po-Po as you punch the pedal past the whopping 25 mph Fircrest speed limit.  Bonus.

Dressing on the Side
Mr. DeRosa and I finally turned in our taxes.  Yipee!  Thankfully we had an assload of write-offs, which gave us a much-needed tax return.  Amongst the many questions that arose during our tax process, one sticks in my mind the most.  If a family can’t write off private school tuition (which is bogus), shouldn’t they be able to write off the school taxes paid for the public school their child is not attending?  There has to be some kind of break, wouldn’t you think?

[Alfred’s Café and Bubble Room, 402 Puyallup Ave., Tacoma, 253.627.5491]

RON SWARNER: TURNING TACOMA UPSIDE DOWN >>>

If you can't be in New Orleans for Mardi Gras, one good alternative is Kulture Lab’s Karnival, where a certain fashion element is always part of the festivities and is amped up even more for this occasion:

STEVE DUNKELBERGER: COMBINING MENUS >>>

Anyone who has been bar hopping around the South Sound as long as the scribes of the Weekly Volcano will know the peppered history of the bar at 7505 Steilacoom Blvd. The bar has changed names more often than George W. Bush changed speechwriters back when he was president. The bar has been known as the Tanglewood and Rudy's Pub and Grill. The change of the year brought another name, but this one has a much better chance of success because the names behind it know the business big time.

Names associated with the bar, newly christened the Lakewood Pub and Grill, have ties to The Schooner Pub and Eatery along Lakewood's 100th Street Southwest, the college bar The Haven, in Parkland, the 2121 Tavern and Blackstar Tavern.

Learning what works at those bars helped make the new place find solid footing quickly, owner Steve Kitchens says, noting that the pub will be finalizing its menu in a few weeks. But fear not, the Haven's signature pizza will be on the list, albeit a thin crust version, the Rudy-maker prime rib sandwich will remain as will the signature burgers.

The joint has switched from a restaurant and bar to being just a bar, so kids aren't allowed. But its casual sports bar vibe makes it a neighborhood hangout in the offing. It's location along one of the South Sound's main drags further makes it a place to gather folks from the four corners.

[Lakewood Pub and Grill, 7505 Steilacoom Blvd. S.W, Lakewood, 253.582.9195]

LINK: South Sound Restaurant Guide

MICHAEL SWAN: TACOMA ALL-AGES ROCK CLUB TO CLOSE >>>

Derek Smith, the man behind Club Impact, send this little announcement our way.

Oh, good lord!

MICHAEL SWAN: BIG BANK THROWS BLOWOUT PARTY >>>

As I write this, I am burning up under my Snoopy comforter. My entire body aches and I have a temperature that I believe is approaching 120 degrees. I suppose I asked for it. My mother always told me never to leave the house without a scarf. But when I ran out last night I did have a scarf. Maybe I should have been wearing a coat. And pants.

As I sit here, sweating, waiting for the Vicks Nyquil/PCP cocktail to kick in, I came across this crap:

When is this shit going to stop?

Oh well, Tomorrow I’ll probably feel much better and I can just get on with my life, doing average joe stuff like getting coffee, doing groceries, scrounging for money, and staring at my hand that’s morphing into a butterfly and … whoa, bingo!

CHUCK DULA: I'M GETTING LESS FAT >>>

Editor's note: As you may recall, Weekly Volcano scribe Chuck Dula recently struck a deal with a bisexual female friend of his. If he can lose 25 pounds by May 1, then said friend - and another female to be determined later - will have a three-way with Mr. Dula. That's what I call inspiration. Chuck will be chronicling his weight loss efforts every Tuesday here on Spew. Below you'll find the latest installment in Chuck's quest to be less fat and have sex with two women at the same time. Enjoy.

Due to the timing of the proposal of this article I will be writing the first couple of installments in two week intervals until I catch up with the present. Also, the purpose of this 16-week long piece isn’t to inflate my ego, brag about my rippling abs, or talk about how pretentious I can be. Instead, it is a possible reference to anybody who likes to party, eat, and drink as much as me. With that, let’s begin.

Week 1 and 2 Beginning Weight: 195

I have asked around and it seems that if you perform 30 minutes of cardio, twice a day, you can keep your metabolism working at an incredible rate for the entire day. Great. Easy. No problem. So, for the first two weeks I did this two times because working out twice a day is ridiculous. However, I did some decent cardio when I did workout. Here is what I did ad I how I improved. It sucked.

8 minutes on Stairmaster beginning of week one
15 minutes on Stairmaster end of week two

15 minutes on bike beginning of week one
20 minutes on bike end of week two

2000 meters in 9 minutes on rowing machine beginning of week one
2000 meters in 8:45 end of week two

Apparently, it also helps if you don’t eat junk food or drink hard liquor but we will wait a bit to cut out those necessities. More to come. Ending Weight: 190

STEVE DUNKELBERGER: MONDAY NIGHT AT CHARLEY'S PUB >>>

Charley's Pub is a mini United Nations of sights and sounds these days. There doesn't seem to be a race missing from the lineup of regular patrons sitting shoulder to shoulder either at the bar, in the pool room, the bathroom, sharing a few drags of their cigarettes outside the back door or playing cards at a table. Maybe this is a post-racial world.

Adding to the collection of skin tones is the array of music and entertainment options. Bob Miller runs the karaoke Sundays, Mondays and Tuesday. Rob Sparks spins the pop and metal disks Tuesdays, Wednesdays Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Brittney Johnson gets down home with country karaoke on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Yeah, it's confusing with all the overlaps. Beer helps.

Add to the confusion: Wet T-shirt Contest on Mondays.

Shamaurie Lewis and his sister, Tiah, do their karaoke thing at Charley's two or three days a week.

"We don't do anywhere else," Lewis says. "This is our Cheers."

[Charley's Pub, 6520 S. 19th St. W., Tacoma, across from Tacoma Community College]

Kristi Wilcox shoots stick.
Shamaurie and Tiah Lewis sing karaoke.
Jeremiah Newell shows off his tat sleeve to Nic Gebbers.