MATT DRISCOLL: BONG HITS, BUILDING HEIGHTS AND DEAD RACCOONS >>>
What you are reading is something new â€" something fresh, like Taco Time or Bobble Tiki’s moves on the dance floor.
By the name you probably surmised the gist. Every Saturday morning, from now until I lose my fingers in a horrible garbage disposal accident or get so beaten down by the blogosphere that I lose all self dignity and start cutting myself and listening to My Chemical Romance, I will take a moment to sit at the computer and offer a very Volcano look at the past week’s events.
Sounds fun, right? Well, so did Ranked Choice Voting in the beginning.
But either way, here we go…
Monday, Feb. 2
Like most decent people, I spent my time on Monday searching for pictures of Michael Phelps taking bong rips â€" or at the very least taking one bong rip. Who wouldn’t want to see visual evidence that one of the most celebrated athletes of all time has a place in his gold medal covered heart for a little weed? I know I did. What kind of bong was it? Was the weed homegrown or something cultivated with hydroponics? Maybe B.C. bud? These were all questions I wanted answered. Unfortunately, after Googling everything there was to Google, I didn’t learn much.
However, while my Michael Phelps search yielded little more than one, over hyped picture and a lot of apologizing from Phelps â€" it did lead me in the direction of some other celebrities smoking dope. The Weekly Volcano research department tells me that putting pictures of celebrities smoking weed on the blog will be good for business. Who am I to doubt the research department?
Tuesday, Feb. 3
While the Tacoma City Council had so little on its plate that â€" just possibly â€" Tuesday’s meeting was shortest in history, to the south, in Olympia, they were busy debating the building height limit situation on the isthmus now that Thurston County State Sen. Karen Fraser (D) introduced a bill that, if passed, would once again reduce the building height limit on the isthmus to 35 feet, and make the land a shoreline of statewide significance in the state's Shoreline Management Act â€" which, of course, would make development there a huge pain in the ass for anyone so inclined.
(If you need a refresher on the building height wars of Olympia, check out last week’s Volcano cover story here.)
The problem for the Olympia City Council is, Fraser bill, basically, disrespects the body’s au-thor-it-tie. Not long ago the council voted to allow building of 60 and 90 feet on the isthmus in a move designed to spur downtown growth and development. It was a decision and vote that came after months of bickering and back and forth, and many in Olympia hate the council for it. Fraser’s bill seems to represent that sentiment.
However, while the Olympia City Council may strongly favor increasing building height limits on the isthmus â€" for whatever reason â€" one thing that’s certain about politicians is they always hate to be disrespected. Whether Fraser’s bill gains traction or not â€" safe to assume the Oly City Council is none too happy with it.
Wednesday, Feb. 4
Hump day, bitches!
Thursday, Feb. 5
The big news was the announcement of the axing of the ninth-grade WASL â€" as Superintendent Randy Dorn did today. Apparently, and stop me if you’ve heard this one already, there’s just no money for the ninth-grade WASL. Doing away with the test will reportedly save nearly $500,000 for Dorn and his reading, writing and arithmetic warriors.
And, of course, the kids love the decision.
I caught up with a fictional ninthgrader somewhere in Tacoma who told me “Fuck the WASL. I don’t have time for that shiznit, anyway. I’m trying to figure out how not to get boners in Algebra class and thinking about unmentionable things I’d like to do with Hillary Duff.â€
Well said.
More Thursday, Feb. 5
Nothing too horrible happened on Thursday, unless you’re a raccoon, that is.
The atrocities continued at Point Defiance.
On Monday, two raccoons were found shot with pellet guns at Point Defiance. The animals were so badly injured that they were later euthanized.
By Thursday, the total of dead raccoons was up to six â€" with two of those deaths believed to have gone down between 1 and 2 p.m. on Thursday.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Economic times are tough. Raccoons look meaty. I’d eat a raccoon. I wonder if that’s what’s going on here?
Since dead raccoon carcasses are being discovered, it seems safe to assume the raccoons are not being hunted for food â€" unless, that is, the huntin’ and eatin’ is so good at Point Defiance that the less meaty raccoon carcasses are simply being left for scavengers.
These are strange times we live in.
Friday, Feb. 6
The biggest news of the day came from the other Washington, where it was announced late in the afternoon that the Senate had finally reached a deal on the hotly contested stimulus package.
Is this good news or bad? Depends on who you ask â€" and whether you’re in line to receive any of the newly printed cash, I suppose.
Here at the Weekly Volcano we’re hoping the stimulus will finally pay for that breast augmentation we’ve been hoping for. We dream of someday fondling our own rack.
But, more importantly, what’s your take on the new stimulus bill? Is it what America needs â€" or are Democrats simply embarking on a pointless spending spree with no hope of sparking the economy with money that the country doesn’t actually have?
And how has Obama handled all of this? Would you have liked to see more from the man promising Change and Hope, or did he do as well as could be expected?
With that, please enjoy a dog with a beer. See you next week.
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