MICHAEL SWAN: PAPPI SWARNER’S JUKEBOX >>>

Every Friday, around 4 p.m., when the sales staff is enjoy happy hour and the editorial staff, well, is also enjoying happy hour, Weekly Volcano Publisher Pappi Swarner cranks his computer speakers and plays ‘70s pop tunes off YouTube. It pisses off The Steno Pool because he says crap to them like, "Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I'm not surprised; your calves are almost comically muscular."

He drinks.

Today, he’s looping Carl Douglas’ “Kung Fu Fighting.” Lots of crash and bang noises behind his closed door.

Oh no. There he goes. He's headed toward The Steno Pool. Not good.