MATT DRISCOLL: WHERE WILL SHE SPEND TIME IN TACOMA? >>>

Britney Spears is, in fact, in Tacoma today. She’ll be bringing her train wreck of silicone and broken dreams â€" known as the Circus Tour â€" to the Tacoma Dome tonight.

Knowing no paper in town â€" not even a rag with the righteous ethical standards of the Weekly Volcano â€" could pass up an opportunity to put Spears’ celebrity stained mug on its cover, we decided to seize the moment and offer you, our reader, a Britney Spears Issue like no other. This way, like the others, we can help you get your Britney Spears fill and, if we’re lucky, down the road serve as masturbatory fodder for 13-year-old boys.

It’s a win/win.

Since Spears is in Tacoma and surely needs something to occupy her time besides constant runs to Starbucks for 36-ounce iced coffee drinks, I asked the esteemed Weekly Volcano staff to offer the Southern Pop Meltdown Machine a few suggestions about ways she could spend her time while in the City of Destiny.

What should Spears do in Tacoma? How would it go down? We offer our thoughts on the subject on the Weekly Volcano’s Web site.