PAUL SCHRAG: FALL ON HARD TIMES >>>

Oh Tacoma. We know you’re probably broke. If you’re not, go buy some art. If you are â€" like most of us  â€" without funds to fuel a tour of local fine arts offerings, there is still hope.

If there’s one thing we know how to do around here, it’s get by on less. And nobody knows how to feed the hunger for art on the cheap like a Tacoma art enthusiast. Or a Weekly Volcano scribe. Sigh.

Being the benevolent and frugal beings that we are, we have released a sleeper cell of well-trained and terrifically glib monkeys into the Tacoma art scene. We use monkeys because we can pay them with a handful of Skittles. They have spent the last month tracking down soon-to-be opportunities to enjoy some art, with an emphasis on cheap and an emphasis on fall. Thing about monkeys is, they never quite behave the way you’d expect. Honestly, they’re a bunch of crafty little evil motherfuckersrs. So you may see some opportunities that simply appealed to our monkeys and their questionable tastes. If you got left out, it’s their fault. If you’re really upset, send an email to our calendar monkey at calendar@weekly volcano.com with your event info, and we’ll throw firecrackers at several of the other monkeys, and send you an email with pictures. Trust us, they’re demonic, ruthless little beings, and probably deserve it.

Speaking of demonic little beings, this fall will offer a whole pile of opportunities to check out work made by Tacoma artists, for free. The Fall Arts Guide is your guidebook to getting your art fix during what is certain to be a depressing holiday shopping season.

Pick up a copy of our Fall Arts Guide 2009 on the streets today.