Friday, Feb. 12 >>>

1. Vicci Martinez, Jake Hemming of Big Sur and Morgan Christopher Geer of Drunker Prayer turn up the talent in Tacoma tonight at the Warehouse.  Plus they promise some poetry, live painting and special guests.  We really hope by "guests," they mean "Muppets," but most likely not. It's Tacoma Round #9. Suggested donation of $8, 8 p.m., 1114 Ct E, Tacoma

2. The Distinguished Writer Series along with a poetry open mic happens monthly on the second Friday of every month at King's Books.  Tonight the event features poet Amalio Madueño.  Open mic sign-up is at 6:30 p.m.; everything else begins at 7 p.m.  Free. 218 St Helens Ave, Tacoma.

3. Vixens House of Shoes & Apparel hosts a cocktail party set to include a lingerie fashion and art show this evening. (Isn't a lingerie fashion show considered art in itself?)   Bring items to donate to the Tacoma Rescue Mission and receive $5 off the $15 ticket price at the door.  8:00 p.m. $15 without clothing donation/$10 with clothing donation. 2502 Sixth Ave., Tacoma

4. Presenting a style of dance that pushes the artistic boundaries in street dance while maintaining the true essence of their hip-hop culture, Soul Street Dance Co. will take stage at Rialto Theater. 7:30 pm.  Tickets $19 - $29, 901 Broadway, Tacoma

5. A slightly intense, yet extremely fun, eight-week karaoke contest begins tonight at Point Bar and Grill in Tumwater.  Each week's winner is going on to compete in a final karaoke contest on Friday, March 5.  The winner receives a Target gift card for $300. Hopefully the Weekly Volcano's rendition of "Love Shack" will score us that sweet gift card.  We've had our eye on a certain Crock-Pot at Target for some time now.  Friday nights, $3 per entry, 6901 Capitol Blvd in Tumwater.

Saturday, Feb. 13 >>>

1. Jaime Kay Jones of Top of Tacoma said we could invite a few of our Weekly Volcano friends to her "Tacoma is My Valentine" party, so we're inviting you.  But only you.  Don't tell anyone else.  (You know how sensitive they get.)  She tells us Pioneers West and Emerald Dollies Burlesque will be on, hand along with a few other special guests. Free. 3529 McKinley Ave., Tacoma 9 p.m. 21+1.

2. 54th St. Sports Bar hosts Pre-Valentine's Day Bash for "sexy singles" (That'd be us they're talking to.) to include Hip Hop, R&B, and comedy. 9 p.m. - 1a.m. 5415 South Tacoma Way, Tacoma $8 ($10 will include VIP access) 5415 S Tacoma Way, Tacoma - 21+

3. Northwest Sinfonietta presents Erwin Stein's arrangement of Mahler's 4^th Symphony - Romancing the Muse.  Rialto Theater 901 Broadway, Tacoma. 7:30 pm $19 - $49, www.nwsinfonietta.org

4. Encore! Youth Theater, in conjunction with The Academy of Performing Arts, performs the infamous musical The Magical Land of Oz written by Tim Kelly with music and lyrics by Bill Francoeur. 2 p.m. 615 38th Avenue Northwest, Gig Harbor, $7.00 and to be purchased at 6615 38th Avenue NW, Gig Harbor. For accurate directions, just follow the yellow brick road.

5. Arts Olympia 2010 is up and running today and tomorrow from approximately 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. at the State Capital Museum Coach House.  Check out paintings by Barbara Packard, fabric collage by book illustrator/textile artist Maitri Sojourner; and small works of metal artists Margo Westfall and Don Lovett. Free.  10-5. 211 21st Ave. SW., Olympia

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

We all knew it would come to this, didn't we? Of course.

Me, sitting here at some ungodly hour, some sad Saturday morning, at least 12 hours after the weekly Prefunk should have posted to the web - feverishly cursing whoever's idea this whole thing was in the first place.

The idea was mine, naturally. But it was destined for failure. Or at the very least occasional extreme tardiness. We all knew this going in.

That said, here are a few ways to kill brain cells this weekend. Better late than never.

SATURDAY, FEB. 20

Sinful Saturday at the Cedarwood Dome

Nothing says "sinful" like Milton and a dome made out of soft wood. Trust me. I've driven through Milton on a number of occasions, and "sinful" is always the impression I've left with. Or sad. Or some other "s" word that's definitely not "sexy."

Anyway, tonight is "Sinful Saturday" at the Cedarwood Dome in Milton. There'll be a DJ - and it's Milton. So Lord knows it'll be off the hook.

PREFUNK: As the saying goes, when in Rome - act like a muthafukin' Roman, yo.

The thing about being in Milton is: It's best to be on foot, maybe between buses or L & I disbursements, on your way to or from Federal Way - and dressed in absurdly oversized jeans. Also, you should have walked through a number of puddles, and your jeans should hang under your tennis shoes causing water to soak all the way up the back of your pant legs.

Also, those oversized jeans should have inexplicable bleach patterns.

So, before heading to Sinful Saturday at the Cedarwood Dome - ditch your car, borrow your obese uncles jeans, have a bleach accident, walk through some puddles - and you'll be right at home.

SUNDAY, FEB. 21

Ted Brown Drum Circle

Let's be honest. You don't have a significant other. You're reading The Prefunk. I appreciate you as is.

But, for the sake of conversation, let's say you DID have a significant other - or better yet a prospective significant other.

What's the best way to say, "I want this to be the first and last date we ever have"?

Ted Brown's weekly drum circle - that's what.

Plop off your Tevas, roll up those pant legs - and show the apple of your eye those mad bongo skills. Studies have shown: Ladies love hippies.

PREFUNK: Shower. It'll let Miss Right now this magical evening was about more than simply sick tribal beats and smoking weed in a late model hatchback. So much more...

Until next time.

Monday, Feb. 15 >>>

1. Stephen Prothero Speaks on America, religion and the danger of ignorance in Schneebeck Concert Hall at University of Puget Sound.  The lecture is titled "Religious Literacy in a Furiously Religious World" and begins at 7:30 p.m.  Free.  Contact UPS for tickets. 1500 N. Warner St. Tacoma, 253-756-3700, or 253-756-3419  

2. Bulls-Eye Indoor Range holds free shots for ladies every Monday - and active duty military the 1^st and 15^th of every month.  Furthermore, children under 12-years-old also shoot free when accompanied by an adult.  So basically, today is not a good day to be a non-military male who likes to practice shooting in a range.  9 a.m. - 9 p.m. 414 Puyallup Ave. Suite B (upstairs) Tacoma, 253.627.2855

3. Keep your kids in the dark for President's Day.  No school glow bowling at Proctor District's Chalet Bowl includes glow bowling, "those cool shoes," a small soda, and two pieces of pizza per person.  Reservations and pre-payment required.  $11 12-2 p.m. and 2:30 - 4:30 p.m.  3806 North 26^th, Tacoma, 253.752.5200

4. Free live blues night tonight (and every Monday night) at The Swiss.  Cold Shot, A Tribute to Stevie Ray Vaughan, will begin at 8 p.m.  1904 Jefferson Avenue, Tacoma 253.572.2821

5. President's Day with Apache Chief, Apache Chief, Collapsing Opposites, OK Vancouver OK, Role Mach and Womberang at the Den - starts at 7 p.m. and it'll cost you $5. Just another good reason to give kids the day off of school. 934 Pacific Avenue, Tacoma, 253.572.2280

Dateline Saturday, Feb. 13 >>>

You know what's lame? In multiple senses of the word? Lower back and hip pain. My point being that I wasn't able to stay at Hell's Kitchen as long as I ought Saturday night, and only managed to see Seattle's Otherwise. And that my brain is fairly disconnected this morning, so I feel it appropriate to subject you to disconnected writing.

As such, some thoughts on the evening...

I think I like the new Hell's Kitchen more than the old one, but I'm not sure yet. Seating and a bar in the same room as the stage is good. Fencing it off so the actual standing-room "pit" is about half as deep as it is wide is less so. Having played the old Hell's Kitchen a couple times over the years I'm pretty pleased to see bands able to store their gear next to the stage now, instead of the other end of the club. But with such clearly delineated walls and fences between bar-areas and show-areas, I wish they could have figured out how to make all-ages shows work at the new venue.

* * *

Stereotypes influence reality, which reinforces stereotypes, which... and so on. There is a pervasive view among rock musicians that women don't rock out hard enough to make interesting drummers and lead guitarists. This leads to fewer women picking up the guitar or drums, which leads to... you get the picture. It's crap. Some women rock like hell. Stephanie Smith of Otherwise f#*@ing wails.

* * *

Is it still funny to use any microphone availability as a potential chance to say "penis" at random? I thought we were over that.

* * *

Taking a look at the MySpace page of Otherwise, I came across this quote: "The music is very song oriented." And thank goodness. If their music were cheeseburger-oriented they'd have a pretty confused and/or bored audience sitting around while the band chewed vigorously into the microphones.

* * *

I don't know if it's because they are holding down a groove that puts them in the zone more than most, or what - but bass players always seem to be having more fun than everyone else. Singers are tied to microphones, and the harder they rock, the more drummers grimace. Bass players seem more inclined to bounce around like nuts. Nuts who are very happy to be there. Lane Patterson of Otherwise is no exception.

* * *

Back to Stephanie Smith: She's also an excellent lead singer, though it doesn't often show. She is, frankly, not terrifically suited to harmonizing with co-vocalist Forry, or to the high piercing siren notes that she tends to whip out on most leads. These things aren't bad, per se, but they didn't feel quite right. Why became apparent toward the end of the set. I wish I knew titles for specificity, but they hit one song and Smith just cut loose with this rattling, forceful vocal. Not soaring, or sweet, but something on par with her guitar: wailing. And it was awesome. Do more of that, Stephanie Smith of Otherwise.

* * *

Back in the days of This Shirt Is Pants, this one guy kept showing up at our Hell's Kitchen gigs. None of us knew him, but man did he love to air guitar. It's been three years or so, but I saw that guy again last night and it made me happy.

* * *

Otherwise is a solid band. They play good songs, with obvious energy, and definite skill. And sometimes, when the bass player breaks a string, the frontman sings "Mahna Mahna" to cover. And I cannot - in good conscience - argue with that.

I'm going to go lay down now - then come back in a couple weeks for something that makes more sense. Maybe.

Tuesday, Feb. 16 >>>

1. Lady Luck Cowgirl Up is the one of many establishments having a Fat Tuesday party tonight.  The big difference here is that the girls are better looking than most.  Drink specials, dancing, giveaways, and lots of cowgirl ass shakin'.  14114 Pacific Avenue South, Tacoma, 253.538.4996

2. This month's Banned Book Club selection is The Bookseller of Kabul by Åsne Seierstad.   Pick it up at King's Books, 218 St Helens Ave, Tacoma. Then head to the event, held at Tempest Lounge tonight. 913 MLK Way, Tacoma, 21+ or accompanied by an adult, 7 p.m., free.

3. Net proceeds of all Matador sales tonight will go to Haiti, helping those affected by the recent devastating earthquake.   Enjoy happy hour from 4-6 p.m. and 10 p.m. - 1 a.m. 721 Pacific Avenue, Tacoma, 253.627.7100 

4. Metaphysical Meeting of the Minds and The Council of Lightworker's is having their very first public healing clinic.  Receive, share, practice and experience all kinds of natural healing modalities. This event is being held upstairs above the German Bakery & Deli in Lakewood, and there is no elevator.  So if you have a bum leg that needs healing, looks like you're S.O.L.  6108 Mt. Tacoma Drive S.W., Lakewood 6-9 p.m., $10

5. Masa Comida Mexicana throws down and parties Fat Tuesday-style tonight.  Drink specials, beads, and DJ tunes.  Meet Captain Morgan (in the flesh!) along with his sexy pirate ladies.  We dare you to ask him if arthritis has kicked in yet from lifting his knee too much.  9:30 p.m., 2811 Sixth Ave., Tacoma, 253.254.0560

Wednesday, Feb. 17 >>>

1. China Davis and opener Jason Lille take the stage tonight at The Swiss beginning at 8 p.m. 1904 Jefferson, Tacoma 21+

2. The Biblical saga of Joseph and his coat of many colors comes to life at Olympia's Capital Playhouse for five added days.  Having been quickly sold out in its previous dates, they've decided to be generous and give us four more chances to catch Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.  February 17-21.  7:30 pm. Call 360.943.2744 for tickets. 612 Fourth Ave. East, Olympia

3. The New Frontier Lounge hosts a free show that includes the sounds of Tommy Dean.  8 p.m. This is just one of many great shows the New Frontier has almost every night of the week. 301 East 25th Street, Tacoma, 253.572.4020, 21+

4. Tacoma's Poet Laureate Antonio Edwards Jr. Presents " CIVIL RIGHTEOUSNESS" a focus on the unsung heroes of the civil rights movement. Antonio uses visual imagery and spoken word to entertain and inform audiences about the men and women who help shape the civil rights movement. 12:30-1:30 p.m.  Free.  UW Tacoma, 1900 Commerce Street, Tacoma, 253.692.4000‎

5. It's Rasta night tonight at Jazzbones with $5 Red Stripe beers all night.  Northwest Sons, After Zion, and DJ Jason Diamond begin at 9pm.  $5 21+ 2803 Sixth Avenue, Tacoma, 253.396.9169

Thursday, Feb. 18 >>>

1. Speakeasy Art Co-Op Grand Opening includes music performances by Voxxy Valejo, Steven Bucklew and Angela Jossy.  This event is interspersed with Speakeasy's monthly Art Walk Open Mic, featuring Daniel Blue.  Free refreshments will be served. 6 p.m. All ages, no cover. 746 Broadway, Tacoma.
 
2. Every Thursday at Station 56 a free pole dance class for Ladies Night is offered from 7:30 - 9:00 p.m.  And guess what?  Creepy men need not apply - these lessons are for the ladies only.  Although, you can join them afterwards for drink specials and hourly giveaways.  5602 South Washington Street, Tacoma 253.474.1189
 
3. The Tacoma Sister Cities International Film Festival Continues tonight at the Blue Mouse Theater.  Join everyone at 6:30 p.m. for Israeli songs and sing a long,  then at 7:30 p.m. for a film by Kiryat Motzkin(Israel) titled Noodle. $10, 2611 N. Proctor Street, Tacoma

4. Sub-Vinyl Jukebox hosts Thursday night Rock Jam every Thursday at Kamel Toes in Spanaway.  This Thursday's electrifying evening includes rockaraoke, a pole dancing competition (what's with all the pole dancing tonight?), and lots of music.  14422 Pacific Ave., Spanaway.

5. Artist Troy Gua's Monument exhibit holds itself as center of your attention for tonight's Third Thursday Art walk as Fulcrum Gallery hosts an artist talk and closing reception beginning at 6 p.m. 1308 Martin Luther King Dr., Tacoma

Friday, Feb. 19 >>>

1.Floater, Mom's Rocket and In Lunar Blue will be tearing up Hell's Kitchen starting at 9 p.m. tonight.  This show should defy silence on Pacific Avenue in epic proportions.  Don't say we didn't warn you.  $10, 9 p.m., 21+  928 Pacific Ave, Tacoma.

2. Where Sails Meet Rails holds theirEconomics of Love EP release party with friends The Colonies and Sordid Sentinels tonight at The New Frontier Lounge. 8 p.m. $5, 21+, 301 East 25th Street, Tacoma, 253.572.4020

3. 

Widmer Brewing is bringing five of their best beers to Vinum Wine Bar tonight. ("Best beers"?  We'll be the judge of that.) $5 for the tasting, as well as select appetizers for $5 or under. Get your cheap ass out there.  4 p.m. 21+ 1001 Pacific Ave S, Suite A, Tacoma

4. Opening today at the Grand Cinema is North Face, a film loosely based on the 1936 attempt by two mountain-climbing teams to be the first to summit the Swiss massif dubbed Eiger, the ogre.  North Face was also an official selection in the 2009 Tacoma Film Festival, so you know it's got to be worthy. Fri-Sun, Feb 19-21: (12:45), *(3:30), 6:15, 8:55, Mon-Thurs, Feb 22-25: (3:30), 6:15, 8:55 606 South Fawcett Ave., 
Tacoma 253.593.4474

5. Guest artists Awilda Verdjo, soprano; Hartwig Eichberg, piano; and Ron Welch, cello; in addition to the Adelphian Concert Choir will perform works inspired by the poetry of Langston Hughes in Schneebeck Concert Hall at UPS. (The university, not the shipping company.) The word is to expect anything from art songs to pop songs, blues/folk to Broadway - Hughes' poetry is supple enough for a broad variety of musical styles.  7:30 p.m., $12.50 general; $8.50 senior citizens, students, faculty/staff; admission free for Puget Sound students. 1500 N. Warner St. Tacoma, 253.879.3419

BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

A funny thing happened to me last week shortly after publishing the weekly Prefunk. Really, I'm surprised it took so long.

To surmise, it was a comment, and it went something like this:

"What the fuck is this column all about?"

It's a good question, and one I've asked myself on more than one occasion.

The nuts and bolts of it are somewhat elementary: You're probably familiar with the age old tradition of "Prefunking" - or the act of priming your mind, body and soul for an exciting event, party, concert or whatever. Usually, Prefunking involves drinks before a show, beers before inner-tubing, or a heater in my back yard before stepping inside to write drivel like "Prefunk."

Anyway, the idea of this column goes from there. Every Friday I choose two events happening this weekend, and then suggest unique and typically chemically dependent ways to prime yourself for them. That's all there is to it.

Oh, and I typically attach pictures of dogs drinking beers - because I'm strange, and the Internet is strangely full of them.

Now, there are bigger questions within: "What the fuck is this column all about?" Like, for instance, why I'd want to attach my name to something like recommending people take whip-its before seeing Kry at The Swiss.

Those are questions for another day.

Until then, you're weekly Prefunk.

SATURDAY, FEB. 20

Sweet Kiss Momma at The Silo in Sumner

The Silo in Sumner is the same fine establishment that brought us "The Sexiest Bra" competition. On Saturday the bar ups the ante by bringing back OG Puyallup band Sweet Kiss Mama - and the Southern Fried P-Town valley rock should fit right in. If you've got enough gas in the old pickup, Saturday night just might be right for a trip to Sumner. It's a SXSW send off party for Sweet Kiss Momma.

PREFUNK: How should one prepare for a trip to Sumner? It's tough to say, exactly, except that a roll of Copenhagen short cut is probably in the cards, and it'll probably require boots you don't mind getting chicken shit on. Before heading to the Silo, brush up with this year's Farmer's Almanac so as to be able to discuss the planting of crops, and be sure to adherer a sticker of Calvin pissing on something to your vehicle. In a pinch, bikini girl mud-flaps will do.

SUNDAY, FEB. 21

Barstool Bingo at Flying Boots Restaurant

Flying Boots Restaurant is a Tacoma icon. Back in the day, I remember trips to the quintessential Grit City greasy spoon for breakfast, where my dad always ordered the S.O.S. It looked like hell, but he loved it. Then again, he was raised on Depression Era inspired cuisine.

Plus, he could always get a beer. Even with breakfast.

Since bingo and barstools go together like Flying Boots and functional alcoholism, it's tough not to recommend this weekly get together for your Sunday evening.

PREFUNK: High octane booze. Plain and simple. I recommend something with a dog in the name or on the can.

The only problem is, of course, Flying Boots is located in one of Tacoma's Alcohol Impact areas - meaning city officials have made it next to impossible to obtain the cheap powerful stuff in the area's corner stores and mini-marts.

The only rationale thing to do, of course, is move your Prefunk public consumption of cheap, high alcohol content booze to a nicer neighborhood before heading to Flying Boots. It just makes sense, right? Move where the booze is. You won't be the first.

With that, I'll see you next week.