May 10, 2010 at 12:27pm
In next week's Volcano, advice columnist Amy Alkon will discuss the pros and cons of wheat pasting your asshole
WE'D LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY >>>
Being the megalomaniacal a-hole that I am, sometimes in the shower I craft award acceptance speeches for prizes I haven't actually won. Usually, since even I have no illusions of my fantasy football or "Words with Friends" skills ever achieving greatness, these make-believe awards have to do with our work at the Weekly Volcano. Maybe the City Club of Tacoma will someday realize the brilliance of the Volcano's constant jokes about their age and socio-economic status, and honor our paper as the trailblazer it is? Who knows? Stranger things have happened.
Maybe.
The point is: If it does ever happen, I'll be prepared.
Like this morning.
While I had envisioned this moment being far grander, I feel a need to say thank you today - to the Volcano's friends, families, lovers, detractors, fans, fiends, foes and followers. Really, truly (glance over at my lovely wife, give her a knowing nod of recognition during this moment of triumph) - this wouldn't have been possible without you.
You see, Weekly Volcano World Headquarters was officially vandalized and wheat-pasted by self-ascribed Anarchists last night. We're pretty sure it had to do with this story, though it could have also had something to do with this story. The main point is, we arrived at work this morning to find most of the walls of our building plastered with poorly copy-edited "anarchist" prose and pink spray paint - at least the walls where an "anarchist" could crouch unnoticed and spray paint without the risk of being caught. Ballsy.
We'd like to take a moment to say thank you! Thank you. Thank you so much. On behalf of the Weekly Volcano I'd like to thank the academy, and all the little people we've stepped on during our accent to greatness. Every trudge was an honor.
Today I honestly feel like we've finally made it.
(Cue sappy music played by bemused Tacoma Symphony Orchestra. Presenter Rick Talbert tries to tug me off stage, but I hold firm for one more line. ...)
You love us! You really, really love us!
More visual proof:
News and entertainment from Joint Base Lewis-McChord’s most awesome weekly newspapers - The Ranger, Northwest Airlifter and Weekly Volcano.
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Comments for "MONUMENTAL OCCASION: We've been vandalized" (14)
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Erik Hanberg said on May. 10, 2010 at 12:53pm
"Maybe the City Club of Tacoma will someday realize the brilliance of the Volcano's constant jokes about their age and socio-economic status, and honor our paper as the trailblazer it is?"
I think we've found our next program ... come on down Matt Driscoll!
Matt Driscoll said on May. 10, 2010 at 12:58pm
Yes! Best day ever!
Now if I could only get a nice, tall Guinness!
RR Anderson said on May. 10, 2010 at 1:03pm
I like how they could only spray paint a small corner of the door step because it was the only dry spot.
CA said on May. 10, 2010 at 1:08pm
Bored middle-class kids cant find anything else to do?
Cali said on May. 10, 2010 at 5:11pm
To CA:
bored middle-class kids? i doubt it, let's be honest- vandalism is vandalism, and it's usually not the kids with money that do it.
Rev. Adam McKinney said on May. 10, 2010 at 5:51pm
Oh, sorry for the confusion. That's "A" for "Adam." I thought we were all familiar with my insignia. Just trying to liven up everyone's Monday morning.
--Rev.
inbloodyrise said on May. 10, 2010 at 8:05pm
are these probably the same kids posting pictures of grocery carts everywhere, warning me to "not buy (groceries)"?
RR Anderson said on May. 10, 2010 at 8:52pm
Personally, I'd like to see them take on the Clear Channel billboards and casinos... It's not fair to pick on the little volcano.
Rev. Adam McKinney said on May. 10, 2010 at 9:30pm
It's been a while since I've looked up the definition of "anarchy." It basically means making life shitty for everyone, right? Being a bully? That's a nice way to live your life.
--Adam.
CA said on May. 10, 2010 at 10:00pm
I bet most of these "anarchists" are in their late teens-early twenties, live at home with mom and dad, and pay no bills.
GHFDS said on May. 12, 2010 at 3:35pm
to CA:
Vandalism=lives with mom. Easy scapegoat but no quite pulling it out.
Yoma Amoi said on May. 12, 2010 at 3:38pm
to inbloody:
the kid or kids that do the grocery cart thing are not tied in with the anarchists. and they're not telling you not to buy groceries. obviously people have to eat.
CA said on May. 12, 2010 at 7:49pm
GHFDS: Do you know these "anarchists?" If so, please enlighten us.
MissMeg said on May. 13, 2010 at 10:45am
@inbloodyrise--I know exactly what the cart thing is about and sent an email to the Volcano. Hopefully they'll break the story soon.
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