SENIOR CITIZENS WORKOUT CLASS & DRUG SCORE

Their flesh slides from the bone, hanging and drooping at every joint and angle. Their hair is bluish-grey, and puffed out, as if they've been electrocuted. Or they have no hair at all, just liver spots or war scars. They moan and groan and creak and cry, their arms held out, their faces twisted into painful expressions. You want to run, but you can't, you've vowed to take your sweetheart on an �ber-scary date. So you stay. There are only 10 minutes left of this freaky as hell senior citizens workout class anyway.

When the elderly torture is over and you can take your date to the next creepy destination: The shadiest block in all of downtown. Here you and your lovely will seek out the seediest-looking, cracked-out dealer there is. One of you will ask for a nickel bag while the other keeps an eye out for cops. Once bag is in hand - don't pay, just RUN! Run like you've never run before, your adrenalin will keep you moving, and a good scare is guaranteed.

If you make it out of downtown alive, head home where you can snuggle and spend the rest of the evening googling images of mechanically separated meat and watching "Why to be Vegan" videos. Now that's scary.