TOO SHORT FOR BROADWAY >>>

(As the curtain opens, an elderly man in Tacoma calls his son in New York):

FATHER: I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.  Forty-five years of misery is enough.

SON: Pop, what are you talking about?!

FATHER: We can't stand the sight of each other any longer.  We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her. The elderly man slams the phone down.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

DAUGHTER: Like heck they're getting divorced.  I'll take care of this.

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father.

DAUGHTER: You are NOT getting divorced.  Don't do a single thing until I get there.  I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?

The man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

FATHER: OK, they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?