BRING ON THE WEEKEND >>>

Sometimes it's all, like, "Why bother?" - right? Sometimes it's all, like, "I don't even HAVE TIME for a weekend ... I've got errands to run, and chores to do, and I've gotta get hand towels at Target, and Jimmy's got karate, and Saturday night dinner isn't going to cook itself ..."

Well, fuck that noise - if only for the time being (and, more than likely, only in your imagination and purely for the sake of this column).

Pretend, if you will, that you're NOT that person. Pretend you're the type of guy or gal that might actually go out this weekend, or DO SOMETHING, or live life outside the safe shelter of your suburban cul-de-sac or Xbox and pizza-delivery existence ... if only for one weekend.

I present to you this week's Prefunk, a weekly weekend primer for you and your liver - with a picture of an alcoholic household pet thrown in for good measure.

(While we're on that note, I'm running painfully low on drunken pet pictures. If Fido or Fluffy has a booze problem, and you've got a phone to capture it on - send pictures my way. I'll make your drunken pet famous!)

((While were on THAT note, I don't think the Weekly Volcano's lawyers would appreciate me ACTUALLY encouraging people to make their pets drink, so I'm probably not doing that ... or am I?))

WASART Annual Orientation Meeting

Saturday, Jan. 8 @ Enumclaw Expo Center Field House

OK! All right! Busted! This event has nothing to do with sexy nightlife, or raging parties, or even doing something most people would consider "exciting." But whatevs. This event IS in Enumclaw, and - quite simply - we don't have much opportunity around here at the Prefunk desk (read: the Folgers can I use outside for my Pal Mall butts) to feature events happening in lovely and picturesque Enum-scratch. When opportunity knocks, one must grab it ...

Plus, while there's a decent chance you've never heard of WASART, it's actually a pretty valuable and important organization that - at the very least - should have its efforts and motives highlighted every once in a while.

WASART is short for Washington State Animal Response Team - an all-volunteer, non-profit organization "specializing in animal disaster preparedness, response, recovery, sheltering and reunification," according to the organization's official website. On Saturday, starting at 9 a.m., WASART will hold its annual orientation meeting at Enumclaw Event Center Field House - an event open to anyone interested in joining and training with WASART, or simply learning more about WASART's goals.

What exactly does that all mean, you ask? Basically, when shit hits the fan WASART is there for our state's animals - the dogs, horses, chickens, pygmy goats, l livestock, pot-bell pigs and all the rest ... probably even the household pets with drinking problems.

What does WASART specifically do?

According to a bullet list provided in a press release for Saturday's orientation meeting, WASART is prepared to:

Evacuate displaced, stranded or abandoned animals

Assist in technical rescue and recovery

Set up operate and staff emergency temporary animal shelters

Identify and document animals

Distribute food

Reunite animals with their families

Coordinate emergency medial treatment for sick or injured animals

Now, at the very least, you know.

PREFUNK: Sure, maybe you don't feel like checking out WASART right now, but you probably will after watching this ...

TODAY IN ONLINE TALK >>>

Today's comment comes from Jeremy Bushnell in regard to Jason Baxter's story on the fledgling Tacoma All Ages Music Project. Bushnell was featured in the story ...

Thanks again for the article Jason. If anyone has any questions or would like to get involved please don't hesitate to message us.

Also, george, this is not viaduct. I was not an owner of viaduct. Viaduct had 5 owners and all but one of them stepped down anf no longer are involved. I do know people had issues with viaduct and most are valid. I'd love to talk to you and anyone else who has questions or concerns.

Thanks again,
Jeremy
Tacomaallages@gmail.com

SATURDAY, JAN. 8, 2011 >>>

1. Every second Saturday, from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., the Freighthouse Square hosts a bazaar loaded with wares from local businesses and artists. You could possibly find Buddhas, wool handbags, vintage T-shirts, Taco Bell's International Collection CD, 64 small stainless-steel baking pans, Brady Bunch lunchboxes, The Golden Fleece, faded Life magazines, reproductions of Canadian postage stamps, 8-by-10 photos of Fred Gwynne and an unexpected trove of things for children inside the Freighthouse.

2. Jared Abwawo is both a math teacher and an artist - a photographer, to be exact. There's a certain precision in his art that would suggest as much. An exhibition of Abwawo's photography will open with a reception from 1-3 p.m. at the Tacoma Community College Gig Harbor campus. "The creative essence of the image has no language but its own. It is a communication from one human being to others," Abwawo says in pre-show hype. See what he's talking about this afternoon.

3. Bingo is the ideal place for both loners and people who want to be in a crowd. And for those who are a strange combination of the two. There are big family groups and lots of men and women alone, some who sit as far away as possible from everyone else and kept their jackets on the entire evening. Join these people for many games from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and 6:30-9:30 p.m. inside the AMVETS Post 1 in Tacoma.

4. Olympia will score two chances to catch the National Tour of the Wizard of Oz at the Washington Center for the Performing Arts, hitting the Yellow Brick Road at 2 and 7:30 p.m. "Breathtaking special effects" are promised, as are "the classic Wizard of Oz songs and the beloved characters Dorothy, Toto, the Cowardly Lion, the Tin Man and the Scarecrow ..." That pretty much covers the bases.

5. The Jazz in the Cellar series gets off to a grand start in 2011 when guitarist Vince Brown is joined by internationally acclaimed gypsy jazz guitarist Neil Andersson at 9 p.m. in Swing Wine Bar's cellar.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Wine tatsings!

WEEKLY ADVICE ABOUT PET PEEVES AND TRIVIAL MATTERS >>>

Hello, Petty Questions readers. I talk to you with no exclamation points today. Because today, we are holding a virtual online memorial service. For whom? John Lennon obviously, that's what it says in the title.

John Lennon was a great man. He made music. He made friends. He lost friends so he could make arguable different music. At one point he was shot and then he died. That day was today minus about a month, thirty years ago. People usually do not celebrate thirtieth birthdays so stop applauding.

Let's have a minute of silence. OK that was a fine minute of silence.

Today's question regards only all of Western music.

Dr. Bates, I have a question. I love vinyls, and it's great that nowadays you pay $20 for the vinyl album and a digital MP3 download all at once. Problem is, once I get that digital download I'm only going to listen to that album on my Zune-it's much more convenient and I can skip songs in a snap. But I would feel like a traitor to audiophiles if I stopped buying vinyls. How can I trick myself into listening to the best sound possible instead of crummy earphones?

-Turn Up The Music

Hello, TUTM and the same Petty Questionnaires. We are still mourning, just keep that in mind.

Your plight is tragic. Maybe the easiest solution is to throw out your Zune for a classic Sandisk MP3 Player QR567V, or even the pocket-sized version of the iPad. That was simple and John Lennon would have liked simple.

By the way John Lennon is alive and here is an article I found in my attic about today's Lennon:

HOW DOES A BEATLE live after faking his death for thirty years? This is how John Lennon lives.

He rises at exactly 6:15 AM each morning. "I mean to wake up at six o'clock on the dot, but it takes me fifteen minutes to check tomorrow's weather before I get under the covers," he considers wistfully. Lennon fiddles idly with an antique witch's box. "Sleep at ten-fifteen, wake at six-fifteen. You need your eight [hours -Ed.], especially at such an advanced age such as me self." The seventy-year-old looks slightly bemused and even lets out a chuckle, in a sad way.

"I don't go out much. There's jails for what I did." Lennon gazes out the window at a lazy pastoral field, cozy in his chair room. "Well, I like to keep all me extra chairs in here, just in case. Trouble is, I never sit in 'em. " He takes a bit of chicken from his pouch and nibbles absentmindedly. "It's a lovely chair room, I guess."

Lennon doesn't keep stock of many things these days. He greets you at the door quizzically. "What month of the year is it? Oh, right. Yes." As you take his barrister's secrecy oath Lennon studies your gait. He then mimics it for you, and you must do likewise, copying the way he slinks. Now he can speak to you in his singing voice if he wants. "I reserve these sounds for friends." He pats me on the back. "I miss George [Harrison, writer of The Beatles-Ed.]."

The chair room is mostly filled with chairs everywhere. You begin to picture the mountains of chairs caving in on him.

Much of his hardwood floor is made out of books. He feels a special attachment to the printed page, books foremost. "I read magazines a bunch. Can't recycle books, though. Got to keep them and smell them."

In a life without The Beatles, would he be a man of letters, an Oxbridge man? "Had the brains alright, but never really liked the idea of all that reading, you know? When you live among thieves and nightfolk for thirty years, you get your own kind of education. Case in point: I don't really watch television anymore."

The outlaw watches a picture of George Harrison burn in the palm of his hand.

Why did he set up David Chapman for his murder? Why hasn't he set the poor man free yet? "Started off just wanting to take a long walk on me own. Started on 8^th Avenue and kept going up till I got lost." What was the final straw? The trigger to end life as he knew it? "The cabbie on the way back was very convincing, in a way."

He stares at plants longingly, as if the best days of his life were generations ago, in the Beatles Period or around when "The Imagine Song" came out.

The kitchen leads into a smaller house within his house. "Half-finished," he says to no one in particular, "hobby's only last me 'bout a week. Basement's finished.

"I always wanted to be a clown. Maybe a playwright. I feel like I'm meant to do something in my life, make something of me self. " He drinks so much water.

Lennon pauses, pulling his hair into a bun.  "Clowning's a young man's game," sighs the Beatle.

Next time on the PQ, issues: for example, take the death of printed media-please! Don't worry it's just a modified old joke, it's not a new era of comedy! Great.

Please direct all questions to: askpettyquestions@gmail.com

LINK  HUB - PREVIOUS "PETTY QUESTIONS"

LINK: PETTY QUESTIONS: Creeping doubt

LINK: PETTY QUESTIONS: Out of time

LINK: PETTY QUESTIONS: Who wants yesterday's paper?

LINK: PETTY QUESTIONS: Around the world

LINK: PETTY QUESTIONS: Wonderful Christmastime (Paul McCartney version)

LINK: PETTY QUESTIONS: Out at the pictures

DRINK OF THE WEEK >>>

My friend Steve was bragging about what a fabulous soccer player he is, crediting his Polish heritage for his deftness. Yeah, soccer was fine, I told him, but what about a more practical ethnic legacy, like a thorough knowledge of Polish vodka? Rising to the challenge, Steve insisted we go to Cicada Restaurant and Lounge to drink his favorite Ginger Rogers cocktail ($11) made with Alchemia Ginger Vodka - complex Polish rye vodka with a sweet ginger essence.

It's effing delicious.

A list of ingredients for the drink varies, according to a Google search. Cicada's version features said vodka, muddled lemons, black cherry juice and lavender shaken and poured into a sugar-rimmed martini glass.

Girly, but damn tasty. It tasted similar to a cherry Cosmopolitan. And a strange choice for my manly Polish friend.

Bonus: You must try Cicada's Kamilche mussels ($13). The fresh, plumb suckers swim - in shell - a honey-sambal bath, covered with a good snowstorm of Gorgonzola. The sambal is of the oelek variation. You can taste the chilies.

Our Best of Olympia 2011 readers' poll asks where is the best restaurant and who serves the best cocktails in Olympia. Cicada, in our book, qualifies for both honors. What do you think? To vote, click here.

Cicada Restaurant and Lounge

700 4th Ave. E., Olympia
360.753.5700

SUNDAY, JAN. 9, 2011 >>>

1. Unless you're completely dead on the inside, there should still be a bit of childlike wonderment that comes from seeing someone do something remarkable. The Peking Acrobats from China - a skilled touring troupe of jugglers, gymnasts, cyclists and tumblers - have the ability to instill such wonderment - and have been doing so for more than 50 years. At 3 p.m., the Peking Acrobats will bring their "Silver Anniversary Tour" to the Pantages in Tacoma.

2. A reception for local printmaker Mirka Hokkanen's Animal Encounters show will be held at 12:15 p.m. inside the Mary Boze Gallery at the Tahoma Unitarian Universalist Church on South 56th Street.

3. The Second City Chamber Series presents "Flags of the World: France" at 4 p.m. inside the First Lutheran Church on I Street. Tenor James Brown and pianist Shelby Rhodes will be front and center in a program that features, duh, chamber music from France.

4. There's a reason the Tacoma Cult Movie Club speaks to you - it's because you're human, and you're not embarrassed to admit it. Goddamnit, you love beer, popcorn and long-lost movies about hot slutty chicks in prison! Furthermore, you love the Acme Grub Cage, because your friends think you're a badass for drinking there, and because deep down you know it's secretly one of the friendliest and most hospitable watering holes around. At 7 p.m., the Tacoma Cult Movie Club will meet for the first of their two monthly get-togethers - celebrating (or revisiting, as the case seems to be) "women ... in prison" (insert the behind-bars boob shot where the ellipses is). The evening will be called, "Back in the Slammer."

5. Clinton Jackson will work the Tacoma Comedy Club tonight, performing a "clean" show at 7 p.m. Sure, your kids might recognize Jackson from appearances on That's So Raven or iCarly, but we all know a good comic never turns down a little Nickelodeon money. You can't hold it against him.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Let's go to the movies!

MONDAY, JAN. 10, 2011 >>>

1. Recently-elected Laurie Jinkins will get sworn in at noon today to the State House of Representatives. According to Jinkins' official Facebook page, seating will be extremely limited for the official swearing-in, but you are encouraged to stop by Jinkins' office after 1:30 p.m. to say hello. Representing the 27^th Legislative District, Jinkins is our state's first openly lesbian lawmaker.

2. Olympia's Arts Commission will hold a free community roundtable discussion today at the Olympia Timberland Library at 6 p.m. With area artist and arts organizations invited to participate, today's roundtable will focus on peer reviewing. The roundtable discussions are monthly events, going down the second Monday of every month through June.

3. Kim Archer will bust out the tunes tonight at the Harmon Brewery, starting at 8 p.m. Check tonight's complete live music calendar here.

4. Not going to let a Monday stop you from getting down and having a few drinks? Check out the Doug Skoog Band tonight at the Swiss in Tacoma.

5. Hey Chad Fratguy and Sarah Sororitysister, it's time again for Rockaraoke at Jazzbones!

Q&A WITH KRIS BLONDIN >>>

My first taste of ripe, raw Vacherin (this December in Seattle - oh the nerve of me!) with a bottle of sturdy red (I think it was Marietta Old Vine), a chunk of naturally leavened Kalamata olive bread, and a dollop of this pudding-like rarity brought me closer to God. Smooth, startlingly deep, and with just the right amount of bacterial funkiness, it was cheese perfection. Afterward, I grabbed all said ingredients and recreated the experience the next day at home.

This heavenly scenario can happen in Tacoma in early April 2011 when Kris Blondin, of Vin Grotto Cafe & Wine Bar, and Jack Noble, a hospitality veteran, open STINK - a shop specializing in cheeses, old world meats, soups, sandwiches, beer, wine and "a whole lot of stinkin' attitude," according to their website. STINK will open across the street from Amocat Café and The Mix, with 30 rotating cheeses and salamis, prosciutto and other cured meats from a fine foods distributor and local cheese makers stored in their walk-in refrigerator. Call in your orders and they'll have them ready for your drive home.

Or you can dine in. With a gritty Tacoma feel - industrial meets old world rustic - five or six tables, plus a hi-top along the front window, STINK will offer a spot to read a book or meet with friends over a glass of wine or beer from two draft handles.

I caught up with Blondin - who has penned many a food and drink story for the Weekly Volcano, including our Grocery Stories series - over the weekend to grab the scoop on STINK.

WEEKLY VOLCANO: Why STINK? Why now?

BLONDIN: We came up with STINK because the first thing you notice when walking into a cheese shop is the smell - it stinks. It's a little edgy, but Tacoma can handle it. We are the Grit City after all. ...

As for the reason why Jack and I are opening up this shop ... well ... there are many reasons. First and foremost, I love cheese and salty things. Secondly, there's nothing like it in Tacoma. I think people long for comfort food and STINK will provide slightly elevated or "old world style" comfort food. Thirdly, I miss cooking for people and educating them about the amazing relationship between food and wine/beer.

WV: Did you stalk other cheese and meat shops for ideas?

BLONDIN: I did. There are several regional shops that I pressed my nose against, dreaming of what I could do.

WV: If you had a spotlight shining on a certain cheese in your shop what would it be?

BLONDIN: A mother doesn't favor one child over another.

WV: What cheese will never pass through your delivery doors?

BLONDIN: No one will ever peel the plastic covers off Kraft Singles in my shop.

WV: If someone, God forbid, didn't want to nosh on cheese or cured meats as they sip on wine inside your shop, what will be their other options?

BLONDIN: The cuisine will be similar to what I served several years ago at my downtown Tacoma cafe Vin Grotto. Eclectic sandwiches, salads, soups and creative small plates will grace my menu and specials board.

WV: Why Belgium-ish beers? Were you born there?

BLONDIN: Nope, I'm born and raised in Tacoma. I favor Belgium beers more because they are less hoppy and more food friendly. Although loaded with wonderful flavors, Belgium beers sport a more subtle essence than American beers.

WV: Will folks be able to sip a glass of wine while they wait for their cheese to be cut and packaged to go?

BLONDIN: Yes, but I'll probably not have a strict plan for what I serve by the glass. Most likely, I'll list what I have open for the day on a board, which will also be available by the bottle. I'll rotate through my wines monthly.

STINK is a blank canvas as of this writing. The shop is an empty space, waiting for the love of the two owners' years of expertise. However, STINK does have a website, and a Facebook page. Blonding and Noble also have big dreams, beyond their stinky shop. Stay tuned for more details.

STINK - Cheese & Meat

11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Tuesday-Thursday
11 a.m. to 8 p.m. Friday-Saturday
628 St. Helens, Tacoma

PODCASTS ARE FUN >>>

As has become a monthly tradition, I stopped by the Northwest Convergence Zone last night - to catch up with Darrell Fortune, the Gimmer and the rest of the weekly-podcast gang. It was a new location (operations have been moved to UP for the time being ... luckily the fridge is still stocked with beer), but the shtick was the same - I was mic'ed up to promote the "Cup Check" column, a weekly look at the wild world of sports you'll find in the classifieds section of every issue of the Weekly Volcano.

Through no work of my own (and a cool experience I probably didn't deserve to be a part of), Darrell and Co. had Seahawk great Paul Skansi on the show last night, so I got to sit in on that interview and occasionally say dumb stuff - which was totally awesome.

You can listen to it all right here.

AN UNCOOL MANIFESTO >>>

My friend Amy interviewed me this week for a theater project. When she asked me what advice I'd offer to theater students, even I was surprised how quickly and effortlessly an answer flew from my mouth. "Stop being so goddamn cool all the time," I barked. And the more I think about it, the more convinced I am it was great advice.

In Almost Famous, Lester Bangs (Philip Seymour Hoffman) rails against the "swill merchants" in "the industry of cool." "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool," he insists.

I've lived and worked in LA. I was born there. I know the unculture of cool, and I fear even countercultural Oly has been infected by it. The unculture of cool is what happens when young artists want nothing more than to persuade us they're amazing, heroic, even bulletproof people who'd be awesome to fuck. Trouble is, we wouldn't care about Superman if we didn't empathize with Clark Kent. Katherine Heigl may be genetically perfect, but I never believe she has trouble getting a date, and I don't give a damn what she thinks about anything.

You want to make great art? Tell us something uncool. Tell us a story so personal you're the only person on Earth who could tell it. Show us the real you, warts and all, or go deep into the skin of a credible human being and live that person's (imaginary) reality from the inside out. (I realize that sounded Jame Gumb sociopathic, but you know what I mean.) Show us a world only you could invent. Quit emulating your cool, plastic idols. Your plastic idols are bullshit. They're faking every minute of it, and have been since the moment they figured out the system.

You want to be a billionaire so frickin' bad? Get an M.B.A. You want to be an artist? Be prepared for scorn and rejection and self-loathing and maybe, just maybe, a deeper redemption than getting your name on some vapid reality show. And if you think cool isn't an unculture, devoid of real value, then name me a single pop radio hit from last year that we'll be singing in twenty years. I'd give a hundred Faith Hills for one Janis Joplin, and so would you.