REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

In every bar, in some dusty old corner crammed with ID recognition books, old postcards and random recipes there is a book that holds more legends than Bukowski has to offer. Often your typical, black, three ring binder, the bar incident log is full of entertainment and dismay ... among other things.  So I'm pulling a few off the shelf.  This week's theme is "friendly reminders."

ENTRY ONE:

December, 2009

"Twice. Three. No, five times today I kicked out a 50-ish guy with a puffy alcoholic face, squinty eyes, long hair, and a duck hunter's hat. He stole somebody's drink on the way out. Do not let him set foot in this place."

Friendly reminder: You should probably call and check up on your ol' Uncle Bill.

ENTRY TWO:

June, 2006

"Creepy old guy with one eyeball is back in town. He is permanently 86'd."

Friendly reminder: Mama don't let your babies grow up to be like this guy.

ENTRY THREE:

May, 2008

"Around one o'clock a 23 -year-old (dead ringer for Sylvester Stallone) came in and when I asked him what he wanted from the bar, he responded with "My dick in you." I told him to leave and he grabbed his friends drink, drained it and stalked out."

Friendly reminder: Don't mix steroids with double tall vodka Redbulls. And don't be a douche, even if you do look like Rambo.

LINK HUB - PREVIOUS "BEHIND BARS"

LINK: The Tip Jar

LINK: Aural Adventures

LINK: Smooth Transitions

LINK: The Pooper