REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

Editor's Note: This week's installment of "Behind Bars" is a continuation of last week's column. If the words below make absolutely no sense to you, try going here.

THANKS FOR PLAYING

Thanks for playing, everyone! The answer is E. Congratulations to those who guessed right! There have been no lost testicles that I know of, but I'm sure somewhere out there a cue stick has racked more than one set of balls.

Now, the other activities listed are rather glamorous. But don't get us bartenders wrong - we're not all like Charlie Sheen and shit; we know we're not rock stars from Mars. In fact, there are many bartenders who stay out of trouble.

There are many reasons for bartenders settling down: legal problems, having children, and aging livers for instance.

Myself, I'm in the second category - having children - and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But, it's not an easy transition.

Now an exciting night for me is hoping for a cool celebrity appearance on Yo Gabba Gabba and sorting mismatched socks.

But, when I come to work, I pour the drinks strong - so I can live vicariously through my customers.

So, do me a favor- have a shot of tequila, make out with a stranger, puke in an alley, and try not to get mugged along the way.

In the mean time, I'm going to look in between couch cushions for missing socks.

"BEHIND BARS" LINK HUB

LINK: After hours trivia

LINK: Bartending abroad

LINK: Oh puck!

LINK: 86'd

LINK: More Aural Adventures

LINK: Big & Rich

LINK: Tales From the Incident Log Book

LINK: The Tip Jar

LINK: Aural Adventures

LINK: Smooth Transitions

LINK: The Pooper