REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

I've been a bartender for a long time. I have met countless freaks, jerks, pervs, sweethearts, rockstars and crazies. Even though it's a physically and mentally exhausting job, these are the colorful people that make it all worthwhile. Well, that and the tips.

I'd like to share with you some of my personal experiences behind the bar, along with the stories from some of my fellow bartenders. Each week - under the clever heading of "Behind Bars" - I will dig into my memory bank - and the incident log books that all bars keep - to bring you some of my favorite stories.

Names of bars, bartenders and patrons have been changed or withheld to protect the innocent.

And the not so innocent.

Cheers!

This week...

Exotic tastes

Bored of rum and Cokes? Not in the mood for a Long Island? The thought of another whiskey sour got you down?

Why don't you give your mental alcoholic rolodex an upgrade with these easy to remember drink recipes?

Now, I wouldn't mind giving you the recipes for some easy to down, sweet drinks, but Pink Pussies, White Gummy Bears and Carmel Apples just aren't quite as fun as the ones listed below.

Guess it's that old "Dare you to try this," and "How disgusting ... can I taste?" mentality - which has always proved adventurous and exciting to me - compelling me to suggest these drinks. ...

Want to impress your crass friends and make the bartender crack a smile?

Order a "Pabst Schmear" - a Pabst Blue Ribbon and shot of Schmirnoff vodka: simple, satisfying and hilarious.

How about giving those taste buds a swift kick in the ass?

Order a "Dirty Toothbrush" - a shot of Goldshlager and orange juice that tastes just like that morning cup of OJ right after brushing your teeth.

Or maybe you want to order something that makes you appear completely off your rocker?

Try a "Jager Mary." You heard me, a Jagermeister and Bloody Mary mix.

This one's not for the weak, and makes most people want to barf just thinking about it. But Jagermeister actually promotes it on their little table tent cards - so somebody out there drinks ‘em. Let me know if any of you are brave enough to try.

And lastly, try a "Cement Mixer." I recommend this for the freshly turned 21-year-olds because it's fun to watch their face as they take the shot, and once they get their bearings in the bar world they will never order it again. While the "Cement Mixer" has many variations, the result is always the same: curdled booze that gives you a good buzz. Think tequila and cream or Bailey's and lime juice, both taken as shots. A good head shaking while the liquid is still in your mouth is required to get the full "mixer" effect.

Hope you enjoyed learning a few gems this week in the mighty realm of obscure drinks. Cheers!

"BEHIND BARS" LINK HUB

LINK: Lactose intoxicated

LINK: Thanks for playing!

LINK: After hours trivia

LINK: Bartending abroad

LINK: Oh puck!

LINK: 86'd

LINK: More Aural Adventures

LINK: Big & Rich

LINK: Tales From the Incident Log Book

LINK: The Tip Jar

LINK: Aural Adventures

LINK: Smooth Transitions

LINK: The Pooper