Britney Spears and the secret of time travel

By Jason Baxter on June 29, 2011

 

SHE HITS THE T-DOME ONE MORE TIME TONIGHT >>>

In honor of Britney Spears' stop at the Tacoma Dome tonight ...

I know a couple people whose taste in music I trust that claim the new Britney Spears record, Femme Fatale, is actually not that bad. I can't claim to have ever paid Ms. Spears much attention over the years (though "Toxic" remains an unfuckwithable pop jam), and I'll always remember her most for her perspective on the possibility of time travel, as elucidated in the YouTube clip "Britney Spears Stoned," which has garnered over 1,501,542 views. Here is a partial transcript of her exchange with then-boyfriend Kevin "K-Fed" Federline:

SPEARS: Like, can some people-have you ever seen Back to the Future? Is that possible? To time...travel...speed?

FEDERLINE: Mm-mn.

SPEARS: Yes it is, Kevin.

FEDERLINE: OK, but not that we know of.

SPEARS: Maybe people can do that and I think some people are ahead of us.

FEDERLINE: Well, maybe. But they would never tell the world. They wouldn't tell nobody shit. Can you imagine? How many people would go back and try and change shit?

Rumination on a global (inter-temporal) mass conspiracy, or two stoned burnouts mumbling to one another in a dressing room? You decide.

It's worth noting that this whole weird k-hole ("K-Fed K-hole?") conversation stems from Spears' concern that life is passing her by too quickly ("It's all the partying," Federline says). Not long after this clip was filmed, she'd suffer a genuine mental breakdown, a tragic, well-publicized freak-out that nearly cost Spears her empire. Now, years later, she's back on course to be a worldwide phenom-maybe not the shining star she once was, but no longer the wincing embarrassment she'd become. The public is terminally forgetful and quick to forgive. They say "time heals all wounds." That's the real secret of timetravelspeed.