REAL STORIES FROM REAL BARTENDERS >>>

Sadly, at least for her readers, regular Volcano Behind Bars columnist Nikki Talotta is on vacation this week. Apparently, she's spending time with her family ... time that is in no way related to serving drinks. It's well deserved. We sincerely hope she's enjoying herself.

In her absence, we'd like to offer a look back the awesome collection of drunken stupidity Talotta has archived through her work with the Behind Bars column.

Also, and as always, we appreciate bartenders like Alli Leaphart who take the time to share their own funny/gross/impressive/improbable/just-plain-interesting bar stories. 

"BEHIND BARS" LINK HUB

LINK: Flash-Back

LINK: Ten Things You Need to Know If You Want to Tend Bar

LINK: Ode to the Weekend

LINK: Freshly Packed

LINK: The Rules of the Game

LINK: No Texting!

LINK: Nasty Hook-Ups & Eczema Arms

LINK: Fight For Your Right

LINK: The Backpack

LINK: Just Like Family

LINK: Say Cheese!

LINK: The importance of details

LINK: Exotic tastes

LINK: Lactose intoxicated

LINK: Thanks for playing!

LINK: After hours trivia

LINK: Bartending abroad

LINK: Oh puck!

LINK: 86'd

LINK: More Aural Adventures

LINK: Big & Rich

LINK: Tales From the Incident Log Book

LINK: The Tip Jar

LINK: Aural Adventures

LINK: Smooth Transitions

LINK: The Pooper

ONLINE CHATTER >>>

Today's comment comes from A.R. Mastermind in response to Josh Rizeberg's latest "What's the Word?" column, which - among other things - shines a light on Abom Kid's new mixtape, 2nd Time Around.

A.R. Mastermind writes,

Abom is one of the hardest working rappers I know. When I first saw him perform his very first set @ the Last Exit. I knew he would be a factor. As far as his new mixtape its a c.d. I bump on the regular both Ambitionz on a Low Budget & Second time around. Keep up the great work. More collabs to come soon. Check out Blowin up My Phone on Youtube now. Peace.

BREAKING NEWS TO ME >>>

Got a hot text from one of my many Tacoma music inside informants about a half hour ago saying Vicci Martinez (yes, thee Vicci Martinez) will play the Jazzbones Art on the Ave stage Sunday.

Naturally, given Martinez's recent success on NBC's The Voice, I figured I had a bombshell of a SPEW on my hands. Or at the very least a hot Tweet.

But it seems Craig Sailor was all over that shit.

Either way, you'd be foolish to miss Martinez at Art on the Ave. She hits the Jazzbones stage at 3 p.m. according to my sources, though Sailor's post says "around 2:30" - so you may want to play it safe.

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2011 >>>

1. It's a yearly tradition. Check out the Tacoma Old Town Blues Festival today. The BluesBerry Pancake breakfast kicks things off in mere moments.

2. Get Out in the Park, part of Tacoma's epic ten days of Pride events. Find info here.

3. DB & the Struggle and Si Si Si will be all up in O'Malley's today.

4.Holy moly! There's an all-male stripper revue tonight at Uncle Sam's Bar & Grill in Spanaway. That's hot!

5. Go old school at Tiffany's Skate Inn in Puyallup for Retro Skate Night.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music tonight in the South Sound

SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2011 >>>

1. The annual Art on the Ave festival takes over Tacoma's Sixth Avenue today - offering arts of all kinds to people of kinds. EXTRA SPECIAL: Vicci Martinez will take to the Jazzbones stage at around 3 p.m. And catch City Hall on the O'Malley's stage.

2. In Puyallup, drop in on Sexy Sundays with DJ El Guapo at O'Henry's Sports Bar.

3. Sunday means Movie Night at the Brotherhood in Olympia. It's an institution.

4. "Cats" opened this week at the Tacoma Musical Playhouse. See it now and compare your take with Volcano theater critic Joann Varnell, who's writing her review as you read this.

5.The Orcapod Book Club meets on the second Sunday of every month at Orca Books in Olympia. It's literally literary aweseomness.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Live music tonight in the South Sound

EQUALITY IN TACOMA >>>

As I signed a card supporting equal rights at yesterday's Out in the Park event in downtown Tacoma, the young man soliciting my signature tried desperately to convince me it was the right thing to do. He said his quest for signatures was not a gimmick.  He may or may not have been drunk.

I had not questioned him in the least, and as a matter of fact, quickly agreed to sign whatever I needed to sign to make gay marriage legal, put progressive people in political chairs, and allow "colored folk" to drink out of public water fountains.  (It all seems as archaic as the other, right?  It's 2011 for fuck's sake.)

(Photo Credit: Jen Cook-Asaro)

Moving this year's festivities to Ninth and Broadway, Out in the Park booths lined Broadway Tacoma Farmer's Market style with helpful information and rainbow-themed wares.  Free hugs were handed out along with lots and lots of friendly smiles. Everyone was strong; pride was made public; and hopes of equality wafted through Pierce Transit Park alongside the sounds of talented musicians on stage. 

(Photo Credit: Jen Cook-Asaro)

Beginning at 2 p.m. was when the real party began, and where the gay pride flag flew its highest... down the street at The Mix's Tacoma Pride Block Party.  With the street blocked to all traffic, dance music was spun by local DJs while scantily clad men and women propositioned you with Jell-O shots and flirtatious banter. (At The Mix's Block Party is where I learned that ultimately, no matter how gay or how straight a man might be, all men love breasts.  And I do mean ALL men.) 

(Photo Credit: Jen Cook-Asaro)

All part of the block party action, drag queens graced the stage with hypnotizing movements, STINK donned a special menu, Pacific Grill was on hand serving up fiery shrimp cocktails and The Office produced grubbin' sliders for all who had munchies.  Steve Naccarato stood by offering 253 paraphernalia to anyone interested in flaunting not only their gay pride, but their local pride as well.

(Photos of the Mix Pride Block Party crowd and Miss Gay Tacoma by Steph DeRosa)

I could go on and on and on about the great time Liesl Diesl, the Swarners and I had alongside Jacob Rose and his cohorts at The Mix, but the cheap ass Volcano has me on a tight budget and refuses to reward my excessive triple-drabble. So instead I'll show you a video of Katrina Duall who usually performs at The Airport Tavern. 

More photos from Jen Cook-Asaro of yesterday's Out in the Park action

MONDAY, JULY 11, 2011 >>>

1. The national traveling exhibit In a Nutshell: The Worlds of Maurice Sendak explores the imaginative worlds of award-winning author/illustrator Maurice Sendak from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. at the South Hill Library. Learn how his cultural heritage, childhood in Brooklyn, family history and Jewish identity have inspired him as an artist.

2. Tacoma Community College's Gig Harbor Campus art exhibition features local human form photographer Alice Di Certo and backcountry photographer Chris Berryman. The exhibition opens with a reception from 5:30-8 p.m. It runs through Aug. 10.

3. Early in If a Tree Falls, we see footage of a protester sitting high in a tree the City of Eugene intends to cut down. In response to this peaceful protest, police approach via a cherry picker, cut open the man's pants and spray his thighs and genitals with pepper spray. Moments like these that make it easier to understand how a group like the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) came to be. This documentary - screening at 6:30 p.m. at the Capitol Theater in Olympia - follows ELF's Daniel McGowan as he sits under house arrest, awaiting a verdict on eco-terrorism charges.

4. The Graphic Novel Book Club will gather at the 1022 South lounge to discuss The Rabbi's Cat by Joann Sfar over crafted cocktails beginning at 7 p.m.

5. Maia Santell will sing jazz and blues from 8-10 p.m. at the Harmon Brewery and Eatery.

LINK: More arts and entertainment events in the South Sound

LINK: Happy hours!

YEARLY COMMUNITY ARTS FEST HAS ARRIVED >>>
Music, laughter, loud conversations: if I close my eyes, the way a Grateful Dead show parking lot sounded comes to mind.

On any given day, a constant mix of noises from bars, businesses and foot traffic floats in my windows. I live directly on Sixth Avenue; hearing my neighborhood live and breathe isn't new. But yesterday was special. The 13th annual Art on the Ave festival meant the noise of cars was replaced by bicycle riders thumbing bells. Kids chasing each other let out squeals of laughter as I stepped outside and joined them on the sidewalk - quickly melting into the throngs of people in front of Dirty Oscar's Annex. DOA's Jake Barth and bartender Teresa Star worked the beer garden, selling moonshine lemonade and Rainier tall boys to an already thirsty crowd at 1 p.m.

(Photo Credit: Pappi Swarner)

Skateboards whipped up and down a ramp next to O'Malley's and bands played on an outdoor music stage. While getting a quick hug from hip-hop promoter Michael Pierce, he broke the news that the CityHall (Todd Sykes, EvergreenOne, DJ Hanibal) set time had been pushed back from 2:30 p.m. to 3:15 p.m. Nearby, at the intersection of Steele and Sixth, a chalk artist created a vividly-colored picture on the sidewalk of an orange tabby cat looking hungrily at a goldfish swimming in its bowl.

Standing in front of Jewell Day Spa (where she works), Dawn Elizabeth handed out information about the spa. "Can't think of a better way to spend the day if I've got to be working," she tells me.

Mike Hempel, sous-chef at award-winning restaurant Pacific Grill, took this year's Art on the Ave as an opportunity to check out booths of paintings, art and punk pins. "It's a great event for the Ave," he says. "The businesses get so much exposure."

Tempted by foot-long skewers of teriyaki chicken at one booth, my senses were on overload from the rich curry scent coming from Gateway to India's outdoor cooking set-up. I paused to observe henna artist Dagmar Peterson creating gorgeous swirls in mere seconds on the wrist of a smiling woman before moving on to Ryan Loiselle's clothing booth. His newest irreverent and humorous offerings include boy-short panties and hip-hugger sweat pants with "Tacoma Aroma" emblazed on them. Loiselle is very tongue-in-check pro-Tacoma.

(Photo Credit: Steve Dunkelberger)

Streets were closed to vehicle traffic from State Street to Cedar Street for the free, family-friendly event. Despite what festival organizers say was record-breaking attendance, it was still easy to move up and down Sixth Ave for most of the day. That is, until the 3 o'clock hour neared and the entire block from the Jazzbones mainstage down to Oakes Street swam with fans of hometown-girl-done-good Vicci Martinez. Spilling onto side streets and the Tapco Credit Union parking lot, fans jostled for position to see the reality TV show star and music phemon take the stage. And I do mean "take." Though Martinez performed only a handful of songs, she owned it. The sea of people made the community event feel like much more of an outdoor concert than it ever has in the past. As Sixth Avenue business owner Chiara Wood says of Martinez, "She's so 253." Strong, passionate, humble.

Ray Hubberd, retired civic planner, walked in sync with me as I headed for the mellower end of the Ave. "A real sense of community has emerged. It's good to see so many people here," he shares. He knows what he's talking about. Hubberd has lived in the Sixth Avenue area for more than a few decades. He's watched it grow and change much like downtown Tacoma.

As the afternoon inched closer to evening I stopped to see the fellas putting on the first-ever Art on the Ave film festival, held in the Sixth Avenue Baptist Church building. Randy Sparks and John D. Markert were the forces behind the cinematic endeavor. "We've had people come see the films, it's been a good experience though hard to compete with all that's going on out here," says Sparks, gesturing to the crowded street and sunny day.

Anchoring the west end of Art on the Ave, the Maurice the Fish live music stage saw performers all day - though I doubt any surpassed the visual entertainment provided by Ben Union. A shirtless Union played guitar over his head and behind his back for a solid 45 seconds while fans cheered and clapped.

At 6 p.m., with Art on the Ave officially over, I grabbed some chill time with Jaime Kay Jones (owner of Top of Tacoma and soon-to-open Sixth Ave restaurant Marrow) in DOA's alley beer garden (unofficially dubbed "The Glory Hole"). Rockers, foodies, tattoo artists and piercers, musicians, singers, cooks and chefs alike gathered as though seeking refuge from the masses. Referring to the day's festivities, Jones comments, "It's a fully fledged thing now, not just a little neighborhood street fair. There's so much support for Tacoma. I wish we could do this more than once a year."  

LINK: More Art on the Ave photos

MEETING THEATER PATRONS HALFWAY >>>

It's that time of year again, when theater companies gather to haggle over their upcoming seasons. For various reasons (including, I suspect, our training in academic theater), most troupes operate from September to May. Directors stride into meetings with all guns blazing, ready to defend their chosen scripts to the death. Board members flinch when unfamiliar titles are mentioned. The artistic director tries vainly to remind everyone of their mission statement, which plainly discourages all-nude productions of Our Town. The technical director is near tears as she adds up the cost and labor necessary to mount K2. And actors immediately begin psyching each other out when some coveted role is put forward. It's amazing how a genial smile can so persuasively convey, "You'll pry the role of Cordelia from my cold, dead hands, you pasty anorexic bitch!"

There are way too many factors to consider. First of all, companies have to stay financially solvent. The operative question has always been, "What do you, our paying pubic, want to see?" The average American knows the names of maybe half a dozen playwrights, only one or two of which are alive and still working. The names "Deborah Zoe Laufer" or "Tracy Letts" will not be a draw to the average South Sounder, no matter how good their oeuvres might be. Every actor wants to test his or her mettle against the Bard, but Shakespeare elicits as many shudders as smiles from regular patrons. Do we give the community what it wants, or what it should want? Who are we to decide? Frankly, what does our audience know? Aren't we the experts? Ah, but they're the folks with money, so...

That nice lady who runs the flower shop keeps pestering us to produce Arsenic and Old Lace because she loved it as a child. Our renegade director with the happy/sad mask tattoo wants to do Speed-the-Plow. An actor with a killer body but not-so-hot talent thinks she'd be terrific as Medea. We decided last year to do Greater Tuna this year, but nobody wants to direct it. Should we do a musical? My cousin Jerry can play the accordion. If we start rehearsing now, maybe we can learn how to tap dance by April!

Often, theater companies vie to produce the same script within months of each other, and this doesn't just apply to the hottest new scripts fresh from off-Broadway triumphs. That's how we got two productions of Little Women (one musical, one not) running concurrently, and three productions of Doubt in as many years. Is that good or bad? Is it rude to stage a show someone else did last year, or is it just being savvy enough to take advantage of that group's marketing budget?

Then there's the question of scheduling. One of my proudest achievements was helping found a not-for-profit theater company in Ada, Oklahoma, where a serious issue each spring was the date of the PBR rodeo tournament. Good luck drawing houses against that behemoth! In Olympia, where we're certainly not hurting for quality theater, it seems there are certain months each year where friendly competition devolves into an ugly game of chicken. There was a weekend this spring when half a dozen plays opened within 48 hours of each other. No one blinks. It's arrogant, I think, often costly, but it's hard to avoid.

My fellow critics and I are compiling our own reviewing schedules for 2011-2012. We groan over the inclusion of old war horses, and perk up at any glimmer of novelty. We look forward to the work of established artists, and to meeting new talents and watching them come into their own. Most of all, we wish you all challenging opportunities, not to mention positive balance sheets in June of 2012.

DINING IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

ANNOUNCER: Located near Pioneer Park in Puyallup, Comfort Food Cafe puts a healthy twist on old-school American dishes. Handy symbols and a key guide mark menu items to help patrons know what food is vegan, organic, gluten-free and dairy-free. Not fussy or pretentious, this small, kid-friendly café focuses on breakfast and lunch only. Order at the counter, grab a seat and plates of healthy fare arrive.

To read Jake and Jason De Paul's full review click here.

[Comfort Food Cafe, 210 West Pioneer, Puyallup, 253.770.6147]