THIS WEEK >>>

THING: Delicious handmade caramels

Created by: Clay Richart

He wields: A bad-ass mustachio

Because: He's a bad-ass candy man

Who can: Get away with a mustachio

Whereas: If I didn't pluck my rogue chin hairs

He might: Have some competition

You now think: I'm hot

Because: You love a bearded lady

Let's just focus: On the caramels

To read this week's full column, click here.