PERSON: Daniel Denison

Place: Fatburger

Thing: 1.5 pound, three-patty XXXL hamburger

Price: $9.79

He added: Jalapeños

And almost added: An egg (WTF?)

Everything was: Swimming in grease

Which promptly made: Daniel ill

I think: He barely made it to the bathroom

After: Our conversation

Which unfortunately: Is usually the case

When: Steph DeRosa talks to men

As Mr. DeRosa peered over the partition separating us from Daniel Denison and his Fatburger-eating cohorts, I received a personalized play-by-play on what seemed to be the most hysterical display of greasy-hamburger gluttony ever witnessed. 

MR. DEROSA: "Oh my God, Steph, he can't even fit it in his mouth!"

ME: "If I turn around and look, will it be obvious?"

MR. DEROSA: "No. You gotta look. I can't believe what I'm seeing!"

ME: "Oh good lord, you're right!  I have to go talk to him."

To read what happened next, click here.