And we're back! Nerd Alert is the Spew blog's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak. After a slow start, this week will kick you squarely in the geek balls, then stroll off with your nerd Lunchables. The 2012 summer movie season is upon us!
Monday, April 30
This was supposed to be the day Daniel H. Wilson signed copies of his highly entertaining sci-fi thriller Robopocalypse (soon to be a Spielberg extravaganza) in Tacoma. Then, at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time this morning, Skynet became self-aware. In a panic, King Books had to pull the plug. This did not stop Judgment Day. Nothing can stop Judgment Day. Anybody not wearing two million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day, get it? You're dead already! Everything you see is GONE!
Sorry.
Friday, May 4
Oh, children, finish your Halo campaigns, avoid Internet spoilers, throw your money at Fandango, and break out the drool mops and 3D glasses, because after years of character-building, the epic movie geeksplosion of Marvel's The Avengers has finally arrived! Robert Downey, Jr. as billionaire playboy alcoholic Tony Stark. Mark Ruffalo as the Not-So-Jolly Green Giant. Scarlett Johansson as leaked naked Twitpics. Samuel L. Jackson as a Bad Motherfrakker with poor depth perception. Earth's mightiest heroes band together to defeat (one presumes) fallen demigod Loki and his army of Chitauri E.T.s. Meanwhile, writer-director Joss Whedon, he of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog and Cabin in the Woods pantheon status, not to mention the Eisner-winning Astonishing X-Men comics series, has combined his own forces with Digital Domain, ILM, Pixomondo, Weta Digital, Lola VFX, and several thousand Korean sweatshop animators to create the greatest single collision of superbeings since the Old Testament. I already have my Regal IMAX ticket. Even my wife, whose sole lifetime comic book purchase was a Chick Bible tract from junior high church camp, is on board. This may be the only non-October event at which you'll ever get to wear that Captain America outfit in the back of your closet, so for the love of sweet Kirby, do not be the last kid on your block to see this movie. See it again. Then go see my friend John Munn at Comic Book Ink and increase his kids' college fund.
Saturday, May 5
It's Cinco de Mayo, the day La Raza celebrates the anniversary of...uhh...the uh...no, I mean, it was when the uh...wait...no...My people celebrate the impending death of Lou Dobbs! Oh, who cares why we do it, there are margaritas involved. And don't pretend you don't like sombreros.
I've never looked up the word "nerd" on Wikipedia, but I'm 93% sure the entry includes a picture of Gandalf. If your immediate response to that remark was "White or Grey?" then you, my autism-scaling amigo, are a nerd. Google goggle, google goggle, one of us! Charles Ross is also a nerd, and a fine actor besides, who inspired us all by turning his nerdlihood into his livelihood. How? By being the One Man responsible for a show called One Man Lord of the Rings-a title which, like Snakes on a Plane or Debbie Does Dallas, doubles as its own tag line. Ross will stage the Battle of Pelennor Fields singlehandedly and portray over 40 characters, including Bilbo, Frodo, Gimli, Legolas, Gollum, and Sméagol. And if your mouth just flew open to protest that Gollum and Sméagol are the same character, then we know how you'll be spending your Saturday night. Fly, you fools!
[Broadway Center for the Performing Arts, One Man Lord of the Rings, $42, 3 and 7:30 p.m., 915 Broadway, Tacoma, 253.591.5890]
For the first time ever, Thurston County musicians will be feted in some cases, cruelly disappointed in most others at the Oly Music Awards. After all the hoopla over live events supposedly going the way of the dodo at Capitol Theater, local note-slingers will finally have their chance to put on a shredded tux, meet and greet ardent fans, insist Beyoncé made the best music video ever (which, let's face it, she kind of did), then have sex with the abovementioned fans. We have no idea who's hosting or nominated, but it's a fair bet Ryan Seacrest is involved. Of course, not all your favorites can win, so the event will be as enjoyable and irritating as any awards show. (Or that Foster the People album. Music zing!)
[Capitol Theater, Oly Music Awards, $3, 8 p.m., 206 Fifth Ave. SE, Olympia, 360.754.5378]
Speaking of questionable music, Saturday is also the night Van Halen and Kool & the Gang rock the Tacoma Dome (7:30 p.m.). Uh, together. As if they were somehow related. In any way. Whatsoever. Aw, might as well jump.
Until next week, may the odds be ever in your favor, the Force be with you, and your CG Hulk be even halfway believable.