In 2010, a horror movie called Insidious was released. Unseen by me, Insidious garnered many positive reviews, praising it as an unexpected return to the sort of fun, slow-burn haunted house movie that had long ago disappeared from mainstream cinemas.
What shocked me even more than the positive reviews was that they were attributed to a film directed by James Wan, the schlockmeister responsible not only for the further proliferation of the torture-porn genre, beginning with his Saw, but for the return of the beat-it-to-death philosophy of sequels, with the subsequent six Saw installments.
So, no surprise, then, that he would ruin the good will of Insidious the first by releasing Insidious: Chapter 2.
The first film put a spin on the haunted house story by having not a haunted house, but rather a haunted child (how this is different from a possessed child will be up for historians to decide). In the trailer, we return to the family from the first film, happy with their lives and rejuvenated by the fact that they will never ever have a run-in with another spooky g-g-g-ghost.
Ah, but this bliss is short-lived, as ominous music starts to fill the soundtrack, and people make worried looks on their faces. Soon, actors with pancake makeup start getting all creepy, and it's up to Patrick Wilson (oh he of good acting chops and unreliable acting choices) to figure out why his teeth are falling out.
Ghostbusters (not the trademarked kind) and psychics are called in to help, and the most eye-rolling use of "happy music playing over scary stuff because of irony" ever occurs when the dulcet tones of Tiny Tim appear, as he croons "Tiptoe Through the Tulips."
Someone says, "Whatever was haunting my family, it's not done with us," which makes sense. Even ghosts know a cash cow when they see one. If I were a betting man, I'd guess that the ghosts won't let up until the fourth or fifth outing, or at least until the audiences diminish. Whichever comes first.
Until then, just leave Tiny Tim alone, OK?
QUESTION: Did you see Riddick?