Note: Unfortunately, I am not able to do a proper review of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, due to a crippling bowling accident that has left my hands in a state unfit for typing. Rather than hiring a typist to take dictation (as I've done for this preamble, at quite an expense), I'll instead reprint this ill-fated instant messaging conversation between my precocious 14-year-old cousin, Jeneva, and myself.
Jeneva: OMG COUSIN ADAM!! Have you seen the preview for the new HUNGER GAMES?
Adam: What? There's another one of those? I'll take a look. Oh, and HELLO, Jeneva. Kids...
Jeneva: WELL? What do you think? Wanna see it with me opening day??
Adam: I mean, I never saw the first one. Mostly this trailer just seemed like gobbledygook. Am I getting it right that there's a character named Marvel played by an actor named Jack Quaid? Good lord.
Jeneva: BUT IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL I"M CRYING COUSIN ADAM WHY ARE YOU SUCH A JERK?!
Adam: OK! Calm down. I mean, it looks fine. I like Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Donald Sutherland and Woody Harrelson and all that.
Jeneva: Who?
Adam: Never mind.
Jeneva: KATNISS IS SO PRETTY.
Adam: I guess so. Why is she still fighting in the Hunger Games? Didn't that end in the first one?
Jeneva: I thought you said you never saw it! HAHA.
Adam: I didn't, I just...
Jeneva: HAHA.
Adam: Stop it.
Jeneva: OMFG YOU SAW THE HUNGER GAMES AND YOU'RE A GROWN MAN WITH NO GIRLFRIEND AND A JOB THAT'S NOT EVEN REALLY REAL!!
Adam: Wow, that's really mean and accurate.
Jeneva: You probably forgot you saw it because you drink too much and you should have gone to college and your haircut looks stupid and everyone knows that you're a fraud.
Adam: What?
Jeneva: HAHAHA.
Adam: ...
Jeneva: Cousin Adam...?
Adam: I don't want to see this movie with you any more.
Jeneva: NO! Come on, I was just joking.
Adam: I can't believe I paid for your archery classes. YOU WILL NEVER BE KATNISS EVERDEEN. This Internet chat is over!
See Also