MONDAY, DEC. 16 2013 >>>

1. The moths are on to something. Lights are awesome. Especially holiday lights. Make tonight the night you check out Zoolights or Fantasy Lights - both South Sound institutions. Zoolights, the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium's holiday light show and extravaganza, offers a stroll through more than half a million lights, crafted whimsically throughout the zoo from 5-9 p.m. Take a driving tour of Fantasy Lights in Spanaway Park, where carloads of travelers can see more than 300 stunning displays of lights and imaginative animation over a two-mile stretch of Spanaway Lake Park from 5:30-9 p.m. Tune in to a special holiday radio station for a little holiday music to add to the mood. A Monday evening would be a nice time to take the family out and see some bright shiny things ... if you're not already sick and tired of the holidays, that is.

2. Pianist Nate D., bassist Cameron and drummer Peter T. continue to explore the edges of jazz by hosting a jazz jam every Monday at 8 p.m. inside The New Frontier Lounge. Not all gigs qualify as a hang, but this one has the precise alchemy that draws the area's best players: a high level of musicianship, a relaxed atmosphere and a sympathetic intergenerational crowd.

3. Since the beginning of time, The Swiss has hosted live blues every Monday at 8 p.m. Factor in the free pool on Mondays and guitar legend Jerry Miller on the stage, and you have yourself a night.

4. Every Monday at 9 p.m. Jazzbones is packed to the brim with college kids. Party types. The type that wear tight shirts and trucker hats. Throngs of Chad Fratguys and Sarah Sororitysisters swarm the bar, line up for the bathroom and dance to the Rockaraoke - live band karaoke. The Rockaraoke band is skilled, too. Tonight, Jazzbones will give $250 to the ugly holiday sweater. Here's hoping someone sings "Run to the Hills" while wearing a sweater featuring two lovely polar bears that appear to be best friends. 

5. Each Monday DJ No Pants and Mega Hit DJ Aaron Miggity Mack want you to come and join us at O'Malley's Irish Pub for all of your fave songs and probably some that you never heard of from a different genre of music. That's right, nothing static. Tonight, it's new wave night. Whether you're a 21-year-old feeling nostalgic for a time you never lived through, or a crimp-haired, stone-washed new-waver who never got over the Talking Heads breaking up, the music of the 1980s spans cultures and generations to bring the he-men and she-bops in from the cold.  

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Monday, Dec. 16 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

O Smaug the Stupendous, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

Remember how a few weeks ago, the geek schedule was so bare we had to break in with a gift guide? There was literally nothing of interest going on that we hadn't already told you about. That's because entertainment conglomerates prefer to bunch all their genre properties around the same three holidays: Memorial Day, the Fourth of July and Christmas. Ergo, a whole passel of Oscar hopefuls cluster around Christmas. That's true in spades this year, as if you weren't already trying to catch up on 12 Years a Slave, American Hustle, Captain Phillips, Ender's Game, Frozen, Gravity, Her (Dec. 18), The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Saving Mr. Banks and Thor: The Dark World, each still in theaters, and each worth your time. In fact, as you read this, you're probably waiting in line for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Good news? That movie's even longer than the line to get in.

FRIDAY, DEC. 20

News team ... assemble! That's right, Wednesday brings the long-anticipated return of San Diego's conquering hero, Ron Burgundy, along with Veronica Corningstone, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick "I love lamp" Tamland, and a raft of supporting cameos. How much do I love the first Anchorman? Let's just say I wear Sex Panther on special occasions, milady. It stings the nostrils! So I'll be first in line for Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, and it's a sign of the unshakability of my marriage that my co-anchor Amanda will be there by my side - despite the fact that there's no empirical evidence any woman has ever laughed at Anchorman. I don't know how that works. I'll be honest: I don't think anyone knows. Whammy!

If your significant other isn't as amenable to comic greatness as mine is, you could send him/her and the kids to Walking with Dinosaurs - which is basically Disney's Dinosaur from 2000 all over again, except this time the CGI's a little better and the dinos are pachyrhinosaurs instead of iguanodons. (So yeah, if you had "pachyrhinosaurus" in your office poll, a winner is you.) Two big strikes against natural history here: the reptiles in this film can talk, and they probably won't eat a lawyer off a toilet. Come on, Disney, it's not like you don't have corporate lawyers to spare!

MONDAY, DEC. 23

Between all these movie-watching excursions, be sure to catch the free community sing-along of Handel's Messiah. It's incredibly moving and a highlight of Oly's holiday season. "For unto us a Child is bo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-orn!" I think there are actually about 17 more O's. 7 p.m., Washington Center for the Performing Arts, 512 Washington St. SE, Olympia, free to sing (scores $10), 360.352.1438

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 25

Ho ho ho, it looks like Santa brought you a crouching tiger, hidden Keanu. Christmas Day brings that festive gumdrop, 47 Ronin, in which our Hawaiian-Canadian hero (born in Beirut) and, I'm guessing, 46 sans-shogun samurai square off against Asiatic monsters and the memory of countless superior wu xia films. It's based on what's been called the "national legend" of Japan, Shi-ju-shichi-shi, so at least it has that going for it ... well, that, and Keanu "Wyld Stallyns" Reeves. So yeah, have fun with that, Japan. (To be fair, I said the same thing about The Matrix, which turned out to be awesome. Good thing they never made unwatchable sequels to that, am I right?!)

James Thurber fans, represent! The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, also released Christmas Day, is actor-director Ben Stiller's reimagining of the classic Thurber tale about an ordinary schnook who daydreams of greatness. It features Sean Penn, Kristen Wiig, and - tell me this doesn't foretell comedy magnificence - Patton Oswalt as an eHarmony customer service rep. I love the trailers, but at time of writing RottenTomatoes.com has Mitty at a cringe-inducing 38 percent. Ouch. Bah, humbug.

The Wolf of Wall Street is Martin Scorsese's black-comic biopic of stock market manipulator Jordan Belfort. It stars Leonardo DiCaprio, Matthew McConaughey and the rack of fake teeth crammed into the mouth of Jonah Hill. For what it's worth, Peter Travers of Rolling Stone says it's the third-best movie of 2013, behind Gravity and that movie about slavery you couldn't coax yourself into seeing. Shame on you! And me.

Finally, August: Osage County is a star-studded adaptation of Tracy Letts's riveting play, and some Canadian punk's tagging cities around the world in Justin Bieber's Believe. Note the apostrophe-S in the title, friends. He owns that word now. It's true. Just by typing it, I owe him 30 bucks.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may you go back to your home on Whore Island. You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public.

The National Guard celebrates 377 years.

This may just seem like another number, but when you think about the year 1636 being well before the Civil War, when the states were colonies and many years before the Army, Air Force, Marines or Navy were even around, the significance becomes evident.

Friday, Dec. 13, the Washington National Guard celebrated the National Guard's 377th birthday with a cake-cutting ceremony and chili cook-off at Building 33 on Camp Murray. Assistant Adjutant General Brig. Gen. Wallace Turner led the ceremony.

"This was a great event to celebrate the dedication and commitment that our Washington National Guardsmen have consistently provided," Turner said. "It's a perfect time for our service members to enjoy chili, all while meeting their fellow Guard members and giving our command structure an informal and fun environment to say thank you."

Although this was a chance to show-off one's "chili-master" ability and take the first-place prize for the year's best chili, it was also an opportunity to reflect on the service members who have served in the past centuries.

"To be able to celebrate the National Guard's birthday means I have the honor of belonging to two families with long histories," said the event's point of contact, Sgt. 1st Class Richard Huyck. "I belong to the oldest military force in the United States, and I also belong to the family of American citizens. This family has always pulled together in times of crisis, and I'm proud to be a citizen-soldier."

>>> Washington National Guard Birthday Chili Cook-Off point of contact Sgt. 1st Class Richard Huyck serves a sampling of his chili to Washington Air and Army National Guard Youth program manager, Robbin Seeberger, right. Photo credit: Gary Lott

The Washington National Guard kept its annual cake-cutting tradition going this year, with the youngest, oldest and most senior members present to cut the National Guard birthday cake.

Col. John Tuohy and Turner (the most senior) joined Spec. Ruben Toldeo (the youngest) and retired Col. Ron Weaver (the oldest) in cutting the guard birthday cake.

With an opportunity to build morale, learn a little National Guard history, sample a variety of different chili recipes and mingle with their fellow Washington National Guard members and command members, this birthday celebration of 377 years was in no way just another number.

>>> Washington National Guardsmen Spc. Medford is all smiles after winning the coveted 2013 chili-master title for his Smokey Pork Chili. Photo credit: Gary Lott

For centuries, the National Guard has protected American communities and served the country by living an "Always Ready, Always There" line of defense in times of need - Hurricane Katrina, countless wildfires and the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

Citizen-soldiers were serving (officially volunteering at that time) on United States soil before it was even officially U.S. soil.

>>> Sgt. Jennika Cardenas, right, of the Joint Services Support Directorate enjoys a Southwestern chili at the Washington National Guard Birthday Chili Cook-Off. Photo credit: Gary Lott

The National Guard doesn't just serve on U.S. soil, though. More recently, it offered substantial assistance in the Afghanistan war, and it has provided almost 30 percent of the deployed combat force in the last decade.

In fact, although some states this year are finally fortunate to have no deployed units during the holiday season, states such as Washington still have multiple units deployed in places such as Afghanistan and Kuwait.

The Washington National Guard will not only serve the country during the holiday season, but will also have families left behind who are responsible for managing and celebrating the holidays without their spouse.

>>> Col. Daniel Dent, the J3 for the state, takes a break in between the chili cook-off line to try a sampling.  Photo credit: Gary Lott

TUESDAY, DEC. 17 2013 >>>

1. Tacoma native Erik Hanberg is a man who wears many hats. One day, you may see him fulfilling his duties as commissioner of Metro Parks Tacoma; on another, you may spy him petitioning to pay tribute to legendary scribe and fellow Tacoman Frank Herbert, author of the Dune series, by loaning the same moniker to a local park. More recently, you may have spied him signing copies of his newly released novel, The Lead Cloak, Book One of the Lattice Trilogy,which he'll do again at 7 p.m., Dec. 17 at the Tacoma Public Library Main Branch. Read Jackie Fender's Q&A with Erik Hanberg in the Music & Culture section.

Read more...

Every Tuesday, "Check This Out" recommends movies available at your friendly local library. So you can satisfy your next film fix at the place with the books.

You must think me quite the Scrooge this week, thumbing my nose at this computer-animated adaptation of Dickens's classic mere days before Christmas. Believe me, I rented this from the library with high hopes of feeling as sugary and snug as a mug o' cocoa after watching. Instead the experience was as sleep-inducing as warm milk.

You've three elements joining forces in this film, which I thought would surely make it more memorable: 1) writer/director Robert Zemeckis, no stranger to pretty darn convincing animation (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) and Christmas (A Polar Express); 2) Jim Carrey, who disappeared behind a furry green suit (and some excruciatingly painful contact lenses) to play that other hated hater of holidays, Mr. Grinch; and 3) Disney, the leading manufacturer of worldwide whimsy. How can you lose?

The sense of fun pervading past cinematic incarnations of this tale has lost out this time to a more somber mood. Zemeckis, with a love of long takes and inventive camera angles in his live-action efforts, seems oddly restrained in a medium that offers unlimited visual freedom. The early scenes with Carrey as miser plodding around his business and mansion possess an eerie lack of music and sounds of the world around him - England transformed into an endless urban graveyard. In fact, one of the film's first images is the grey-green face of a decaying corpse. Good thinking Disney! "Yule" love it, kids!

Disney's A Christmas Carol opens with death and closes on an old man choosing life when faced with his own impending demise. Tiny Tim, without even realizing it, reignites this long-dormant love for humanity in Scrooge; Dickens's story clings tight to this idea of youth's transformative power. So is believing that laughter, wonder and innocence can actually save too simplistic or simple-minded a notion? I couldn't say, but I do know such simple things could have saved this movie. 

See Also

Judging by the Trailer

Almost a decade ago, a young Rev. Adam McKinney sat down in a packed theater and had a groundbreaking exposure to absurdist, largely improvised comedy. Seeing Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy in a theater that radiated with warm laughter was a revelation. "Is this the funniest movie ever made?" hyperbolically thought a young, dumb me.

The short answer is no. While Anchorman is a perfectly fine comedy, it shrinks upon subsequent viewings, separated from a hysterical audience. In the following years, I and many others would grow weary of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay's brand of comedy, which essentially just boils down to a couple of people standing around and saying weird stuff to each other. It's the type of improvisational comedy that's tailor-made for blooper reels during the credits.

And yet, why does the trailer for Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues bring me such unbridled joy? I don't miss any of these characters or actors-in fact, part of the reason why it took so long for the sequel to come out was that the four main players had shot to A-list status in Hollywood, which would necessitate exorbitant paychecks to reunite them all. Having these actors constantly around makes them a little harder to miss.

I'm still a little jaded when it comes to the stand-around-and-say-goofy-stuff style of comedy, with which this trailer is positively jam-packed. Ferrell still ejaculates nonsense like "biscuits and gravy!" - and there's generally a lot of screaming.

But still, there's something charming about this blatantly stupid little film rising to such prominence and requiring such non-stop fanfare upon its return. In a time when comedies are largely disappointments, Anchorman still feels like a bunch of weirdos getting away with something. It's easy to imagine them giggling to themselves at the mere thought that this silly dalliance would actually find its way to theaters, let alone become a smash hit.

It's a sly bit of anarchy in the middle of a giant machine, which is rare enough in this day and age.

See Also

A Nerd Alert! has been issued for the South Sound

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 18 2013 >>>

1. Take a mini vacation south of the border today. Preposterous? Not at the Sumner Pierce County Library. It's an indoor Mexican Christmas complete with traditional Mexican rituals, food and entertainment at 6 p.m. In Mexico, the Christmas season begins Dec. 16 with las posadas, a series of nine nightly processions that recreate Mary and Joseph's pilgrimage to Bethlehem and their search for shelter for themselves and the baby Jesus. The pilgrims stop at homes requesting lodging and after the rituals are performed, they are welcomed with food and drink, music and the breaking of a piñata. The traditional foods are tamales, pan dulces (sweet breads), ponche de posada (holiday punch) and hot chocolate. 

2. Olympia Aloha Ukulele Pu'ukani is a group of ukulele players who share the love of Hawaiian, hapa haole and Americana music. At 7:30 p.m. the uke group will perform its Christmas concert featuring traditional holiday songs with an aloha twist at the Olympia Timberland Library. Hear about Santa in a red canoe, Christmas luaus, rock around the Christmas tree and then uke around da' Christmas tree with a Mele Kalikimaka sing-along. 

3. OK, while the winter solstice technically is the shortest day of the year, and nighttime falls at a ridiculously early hour, for some, the solstice means getting their party on and celebrating. In the Appalachia region, winter solstice means breaking out the instruments, sweet treats and excellent libations in a festival of dancing, music and storytelling. So why can't the South Puget Sound enjoy the same, right? Ah, but we can. The Puget Sound Revels performance brings traditions, energy and spirit in an electric, inspirational performance at 7:30 p.m. in the Rialto Theater.

4. Tacoma jazz band Taxi Driver will perform jazz standards and holiday music at 7:30 p.m. in Hilltop Kitchen.

5. The Barleywine Revue will fill The Swiss with bluegrass beginning at 8 p.m.

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Wednesday, Dec. 18 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

The 2nd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division's early morning Holiday Run ended with the presentation of what one individual called the perfect Christmas gift.

More than 4,000 soldiers plus a number of city of Puyallup fire fighters and police officers participated in a 4-mile Holiday Run at a 9-minute pace on Joint Base Lewis-McChord - North this morning.

"This is perfect, the perfect Christmas gift," said Connie Dotson moments after receiving two checks worth more than $12,000 from the Puyallup chapter of the Association of the United States Army (AUSA) and 2nd Brigade.

Dotson oversees the Lancer Soldier & Family Fund.

>>> Col. Louis Ziesman, commander, 2nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, talks about the Hearts Behind the Shield cookbook, part of the brigade's initiative to raise funds for a memorial. Photo credit: J.M. Simpson

"We promise to raise more money; there will be more," pledged Eric Kantor, a leader in the Captain Meriwether Lewis Puyallup-Sumner Subchapter of the AUSA.

The organization turned over a check worth $2,240.

As to the brigade's $10,000 contribution toward establishing a memorial, Zeisman touted the unit's Hearts Behind the Shield cookbook.

"This is a wonderful collection of recipes from the soldiers who come from all parts of the country," he said.

"I have to tell you - the hot crab cake dip is great!"

He said that more than 1,700 copies of the book had been sold. 

>>> Col. Louis Zeisman, commander, 2nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, and Maj. Gen. Stephen Lanza, commander, 7th Infantry Division, led 4,000 soldiers on a 4-mile Holiday Run this morning at JBLM. Photo credit: J.M. Simpson

Maj. Gen. Stephen Lanza, commander, 7th Infantry Division, ran alongside Zeisman.

"The Army is the most trusted institution in the nation, and I am most proud of this unit."

The money marks the brigade's first step toward the raising of $40,000 needed to construct a memorial honoring its fallen soldiers.

"This gift means a great deal; it is very important that this brigade - which is the only brigade that does not have a memorial - establish one," Dotson pointed out.

New Year's Eve is for partying, right? Getting your booze on, kissing some lucky fool at midnight and feeling like crap the next morning, vowing never to drink that much again, right?

Not necessarily.

The folks at Olympia Mahayana Buddhist Center believe not everyone is looking for nightlife and are offering a New Year's Buddhist retreat Dec. 30-Jan. 1 in Gig Harbor.

"We are so happy to be able to offer it this year," says resident teacher Gen Kelsang Tsoglam. "People are experiencing so much stress and heaviness, and meditation is powerful medication without side effects."

The two-night package takes place at Camp Seymour in Gig Harbor and includes gently guided meditation practices, heated cabins and meals. Cost is $125 for members and $150 for non-members.

"Our wish with the retreat," says Tsoglam, "is for people to be able to make heartfelt resolutions based on the connection they have made with their potential on the retreat and carry it through the whole of the 2014, making it the happiest, most relaxed ever."

THURSDAY, DEC. 19 2013 >>>

1. Other, non-North American English-speaking countries know the play The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by an alternate title: The Worst Kids In The World. That should tell you about the quality of the characters in question, and the odds that the title would actually come true. The Herdman clan will be on hand to teach you all about the true spirit of Christmas by lying, cheating, stealing, smoking and other wholesome endeavors at 7 p.m. in the Tacoma Youth Theatre. It's a feel-good season of joy for everyone. Or something.

2. Garfield Book Company is hosting an open holiday party today. From 2-6 p.m., attendees may enjoy refreshments, raffles, door prizes, giveaways and more. Chef/owner John Sundstrom of Lark restaurant in Seattle, as well as an author of Northwest recipes, will host a cooking demonstration from 3-4 p.m. Steve Roberts, author of Wine Trails NW, will host wine tastings accompanied by his book signing. This event is free to attend.

3. Break out the silver bells, South Sounders near and far. It's Christmas time in the city. Of course, downtown Tacoma has had you covered for all your holiday adventures all December long; however, tonight, precious hours before the BIG day, wouldn't it be cool to don your elfish grins and bring your last-minute holiday shopping and wish lists and pop on downtown for a variety of fun, shopping, great eats and drinks and holiday cheer? It's your pick(s) of fun: Art Mingle Thursday (tacomaartgroup.org), where the Tacoma Art Museum and other awesome local art venues open their holiday doors to welcome you from 5-8 p.m. Hop aboard the December Art Bus (tacomaartbus.com) at 6 p.m. for some mobile holiday goodness, treats and guest host Rudolph. Finally, if you are feeling adventurous, join friends for a skate off at Polar Plaza. Holiday perfection, if you ask us.

4. Weekly Volcano music critic Rev. Adam McKinney says there are vocal similarities between Kurt Lindsay and late cult singer-songwriter Jeff Buckley. The Rev. says, "Lindsay's voice, like Buckley's (though, of course, no one can truly touch Jeff Buckley, vocally), is simultaneously full of bravado and wounded timidity. It quivers with feeling, though it might be noted that Lindsay's voice often comes across as more lost, searching, which adds a nice element to what is largely music that errs toward modern rock, with some detours to friendly mixers like R&B and folk." See for yourself over a beer or three at 6 p.m. when Lindsay joins Jorge Olmos, Christopher Ward and Thene Singleton for an 8 p.m. show at Metronome Coffee.

5. Besides being all fancy, the Hotel Murano is dang smart. It knows a good thing when it hears it. The Kareem Kandi Band is back to fill the lobby with jazz from 8:30 to 11:30 p.m.

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Thursday, Dec. 19 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area