FRIDAY, DEC. 20 12013 >>>

1. So the tree and the fairy lights are up, you have enough booze and unhealthy snacks to sink the Titanic, and your television is about to explode in a flurry of consumerism and romantic schmaltz. But there's something missing. That's right, folks: it just wouldn't be a happy holiday without some singing about God. And for that, there's no beating Handel's "Messiah," a piece for choir, orchestra and soloists that has delighted audiences worldwide for more than 270 years. As 18th-century music historian Charles Burney once said, "Messiah" has fed the hungry and clothed the naked, fostered the orphan, and enriched succeeding managers of Oratories more than any single musical production in this or any other country." We're not totally sure what that means, so check it out at 7:30 p.m. in the St. Charles Borromeo Church when the Tacoma Symphony Orchestra presents its version with soprano Maria Mannisto, mezzo-soprano Melissa Schiel, tenor Eric Neuville and baritone Peter Tuff.

2. Where The Nutcracker and A Christmas Carol and other traditional holiday shows have a plot, The Alternative Holiday Show does not. It's not a play, but instead a variety show with multiple acts determined to keep you giggling. Acts range from musical numbers to skits and even to poetry readings. Still, the acts are not random. There is a clear message that ties them all together. The Alternative Holiday Show seeks to poke a little bit of fun at the current state of our highly commercialized and a bit crazy holiday season. But don't count on finding any anti-Christmas scrooges here. The show is all in good fun. Catch it at 7:30 p.m. in the Midnight Sun Performance Space in downtown Olympia.

3. Danny Barnes and Matt Sircely, friends for more than a decade, reside on the Olympic Peninsula. When Barnes and Sircely play together, they swap original songs and showcase their love of many music forms - both roots-oriented and forward-thinking. Poetic songwriting framed with guitar, banjo and mandolin traverses the unexpected, conjuring great traditions in American music right before launching into something that's never been heard. Catch the duo with the Oly Mountain Boys at 8 p.m. in Southbay Dickerson's BBQ's Pig Bar.

4. Brad Upton in a past winner of the Las Vegas Comedy Festival and appeared recently at Caesar's Palace as part of the HBO Comedy Festival. Twenty-six years and 5,000 shows have made this Seattle based comic a much sought after performer and earned the respect of his peers. At 8 and 10:30 p.m. Tacoma Comedy Club celebrates Upton's new CD.

5. Metcalf Manor is a bed and breakfast on more than 6 acres of property located five minutes from downtown Olympia and downtown Lacey. There is a huge backyard with a fire pit and spa, but much of the property is wooded and there is a network of nature trails running through the woods. Quite lovely. Tonight at 9 p.m. No Body, Full Moon Radio, The Celestials and Trash Heap will turn the Manor into a rock and breakfast.

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Friday, Dec. 20 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SATURDAY, DEC. 21 2013 >>>

1. Slutty Hearts' recent EP, Bones in the Snow, opens by referencing Nancy Sinatra. It's a fitting introduction to the Slutty Hearts ethos, which shares some qualities with Sinatra's spooky romanticism. Dark garage pop gems positively drip from the mouths and fingers of Slutty Hearts - devoted exercises in melodicism and attitude. Like the Violent Femmes (or Seattle's Pillow Army, for that matter), Slutty Hearts' band name tips off the listener with opposing and contradictory terms. Yes, there's an element of sleazy party-hardy energy to their music, but there's just as much swooning vocals and evocative lyrics to counterbalance the danciness. Catch the band with Vox Mod and Back From Hiatus at 8 p.m. in Bob's Java Jive. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on the Slutty Hearts in the Music & Culture section.

2. There are some hobbies better kept quiet. You know, the ones you do alone in your basement late at night. And then there are some truly cool hobbies, like model railroads. These should be celebrated and dragged out in the open for all to admire - which is why the Model Train Festival, downtown Tacoma's biggest model railroad exposition (taking into account, of course, the relatively small size of the subjects at hand because they are, of course, models), will run 10 days beginning today at 10 a.m. This gives you plenty of time to enjoy every floor of the Washington State History Museum filled with operating modular layouts. Santa is in the house 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Dec. 21-23. And, remember to look both ways before crossing, and keep your pennies to yourself.

3. There's nothing better than this holiday recipe: great holiday flick, warm and cozy movie theater, hot buttery popcorn and some sweet treats. Well, the wonderful and eclectic Grand Cinema in Tacoma launches two holiday classics today. The movie version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas is sure to delight the kiddies and adults alike. Based on the family classic holiday TV show, watch the creepy ole' Grinch's heart grow giddy with the holiday spirit in this endearing flick. It's free for the first 100 people through the door for this 10 a.m. flick. For those who prefer a bit of a darker production, check out Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale at 10 a.m. and 8:15 p.m. Set in Finland, the unusual and terrifically bizarre plot features disappearing children, a kidnapped Santa, vengeful elves and some debauchery. Cool. Oh, and need a last-minute gift? The Grand has great movie and dinner gift certificate packages.

4. The Tacoma Brewing Co. is celebrating Gingerfest from 5-9 p.m. This will be the first time all three of its hard ginger ales - white, golden and spicy - will be on tap simultaneously. According to the Tacoma Brewing Co.'s owner Morgan Alexander, all the hard ginger ales are made on site, in small handcrafted batches. And what exactly is a "hard" ginger ale? According to Alexander, the flavors are more complex and not as sweet. Gingerfest will highlight TCB's versatility by utilizing the ales in custom cocktails. What's more, Alexander states if you come dressed as your favorite redhead, you'll get a dollar off your first drink. Here are a few of my costume suggestions: Amy Pond, Ginny Weasley, Conan O'Brien, Vincent Van Gogh, Molly Ringwald, Dana Scully, Andy Dalton of the Cincinnati Bengals, Willie Nelson and everyone's favorite Tacoma redhead, Lynn Di Nino.

5. NWCZ Radio's Night of Gritness Presents - A Merry Gritness will be held at 8 p.m. in The New Frontier Lounge. OK, the title is a bit redundant. That said, maybe NWCZ needed twice the grit in the title considering the confirmed line-up: Big Wheel Stunt Show, Fred Speakman, Gavin Guss, Halcion Halo, Bandolier, Regan Lane, The Harolds, The Gimmer That Stole Christmas and The Reindeer Droppings. Best of all, the money collected will go to the Tacoma Rescue Mission. Donations of food will also be collected. Expect an evening of both holiday and original tunes. Bandolier even promises to play "some awesome Festivus songs." Maybe "O Festivus Pole, O Festivus Pole"?

BONUS: Kurt Lindsay rocking the Franciscan Polar Plaza ice rink from 7-9 p.m.

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Saturday, Dec. 21 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

LIVE MUSIC TONIGHT IN THE SOUTH SOUND >>>

Bob's Java Jive Tacoma - Central. Slutty Hearts, Vox Mod, Back From Hiatus. 8 pm. $5. Read Rev. Adam McKinney's full feature on the Slutty Hearts in the Music & Culture section.

Franciscan Polar Plaza Ice Rink Tacoma - Downtown. Kurt Lindsay on Ice. All Ages. 7-9 pm. NC, $4-$8 ice skating.

Jazzbones Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. Hell's Belles (all-female AC/DC tribute), Adrian and the Sickness. All Ages. 5 pm. Hell's Belles (all-female AC/DC tribute), Adrian and the Sickness. 9 pm. $12.

Jezebels Bar & Grill Olympia - Downtown. Heretic The Heathen Birthday Show. 9 pm. $5. 

• There aren't many celebrities in the South Sound, but there are people who make our communities better just with their presence and energy - of course, coupled with good deeds and service. In the local hip-hop community - with a touch of 206 - Heretic The Heathen (representing The 360 real tough-like) is just one of those people. The rappin'-ass promoter/battler/media man will join Puget, Ang P, Patron and Akeem, and special marquee battle featuring SOS vs. Double B, in downtown Oly. Heretic is one of the problem-solvers and do-gooders - not because he's trying to do good, but because it's the right thing to do - in our community. Join him and the other talent at this public party with party people and DJ DP Sea on the 1s and 2s. - Jose Gutierrez Jr.

Le Voyeur Café and Lounge Olympia - Downtown. Shmuskin. 9 pm.

• The landscape of music is lousy with bawdy comedy music - from the party records of the '50s and '60s, through on to Blowfly's reign as the king of bad taste, and a slew of generally puerile and juvenile underground releases catching dust in discount bins - but this trend has largely slowed down. Part of the genre's decline is as a result of the comparatively more open culture we live in today, which doesn't quite necessitate getting kicks from records where people say bad words. Regardless, Shmuskin (Andy Shmuskin, that is) seems to be carrying that torch, not least with his holiday classic, "Christmas Cunnilingus." Just a man and his guitar, writing filthy folk paeans and tributes like "Sarah Silverman," where he laments that the "thinking man's sex symbol" dated Jimmy Kimmel. Shmuskin's giddily lowbrow songs are a welcome return to those crass old party records. - Rev. Adam McKinney

Louie G's Pizza Fife. Mechanism. All Ages. 8 pm.

The New Frontier Lounge Tacoma - Dome District. NWCZ Night of Gritmas, with The Big Wheel Stunt Show, Fred Speakman, Gavin Guss, Halcion Halo, Bandolier, Regan Lane, The Harolds, The Gimmer That Stole Christmas, The Reindeer Droppings. Proceeds benefit Tacoma Rescue Mission. 8 pm. $3 + can of food.

Northern Pacific Coffee Co. Tacoma - Parkland. Mudslug, Boreal and Trueno. All Ages. 8 pm. NC.

Old General Store Steakhouse & Saloon Roy. Doubleback. 9 pm.

Olympia Ballroom Olympia - Downtown. DBST, The Hard Way, a light show and burlesque, 9 pm. $10.

• I keep hearing about DBST. Facebook feeds, fliers around town and in conversations overheard at the bar. So, when I saw they were playing the growing tradition of the winter "Soulstice" event held in the Olympia Ballroom, I figured it was time to check them out. A Youtube search brings up a video of the band's intimate performance at the Pig Bar. My first impression was Grateful Dead, not so much in the sound, although it wouldn't be too far-fetched, but in the instant roll into psychedelic rock. The song, "Every Word," was 8:53 minutes long if that tells you anything. The three piece easily slips into jam space where conversation from the bar can peep through the recording, but not because the music has become disengaging, but rather as a compliment to the band's ability to change tempo and dynamic with the flick of a wrist. - Nikki McCoy

Sanford and Son Library Tacoma - Downtown. Dames, Hunnywell, Evan Main. 7:30 pm. $5 donation.

• Two of the influences cited by Dames do well to encapsulate their particular charm: Mac DeMarco and Tacoma's own (possibly defunct?) Makeup Monsters. What all three of these groups have in common is a certain embrace of a slacker ethos, which presents not as apathy, but as a shaggy energy. Instead of having a blasé attitude to match their laid-back vibes, Mac DeMarco, Makeup Monsters and now Dames, all have a deep, abiding love for catchy songcraft and a reverence for the godfathers of outsider pop such as Jonathan Richman and Gordon Gano. Dames make sunny indie pop that isn't afraid of hooky backing vocals ("oohs" and "aahs" abound) and reaches back as much for classic inspiration as it does reach out for the trendy jangle of today. - Rev. AM

The Spar Tacoma - Old Town. Tatoosh. 8 pm.

Traditions Cafe and World Folk Art Olympia - Downtown. Tingstad & Rumbel. All Ages. 8 pm. $15-$22.

Triple Play Tacoma - Sixth Avenue. The Ride and guests. 9 pm. NC.

Uncle Sam's American Bar & Grill Spanaway. ABATE Bake Sale, with Strange Pleasure. 9 pm.

Waterstreet Cafe Olympia - Downtown. Dennis Hastings & The Joe Baque Trio. 9 pm.

LINK: More live music Saturday, Dec. 21 in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

SUNDAY, DEC. 22 2013 >>>

1. The "War on Christmas" decried by Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly isn't evident in South Sound theater, which is producing a rich variety of appropriately jolly and family-friendly shows for the holiday season. Four out of the seven current productions end this afternoon. Weekly Volcano theater critics Joann Varnell and Christian Carvajal chime in with their thoughts on the productions here.

2. The only time we were forced to walk through that new H&M store in the mall we started to feel queasy, claustrophobic and like we were going to karate chop the next person we saw with a stupid bleach pattern on their jeans in the throat. Just because it's the holiday season doesn't mean anyone should have to go through this. Check out the Jada-Moon Gridley-created Gritty City Gift Fair, where local artists and crafters will offer their one-of-a-kind fairs for all from 3-8 p.m. at Fulcrum Gallery. Expect re-purposed silk, cashmere and wool to recyled silver and pearls, fashion, reclaimed wood, forged steel, sparkling gems, feathers, ceramics, glass and more.

3. Pacific Church in East Tacoma hosts "Gospel Christmas - a Christmas Musical Celebration" at 6:30 p.m. with a soulful sound and a timely message. After the show, enjoy the spirit of giving at "The Jesus Christmas Shop" stocked with a myriad of children's toys, winter coats and holiday groceries all for needy families.

4. Just as surely that every December stockings will be hung, malls will become volatile swarms of madness and It's a Wonderful Life will clog television schedules, The Nutcracker will be performed at local venues - including at 7 p.m. in Mt. Tahoma High school by the Washington Contemporary Ballet. Set to Tchaikovsky's most famous composition, the classic ballet about a little girl and a magical toy that comes to life one fateful Christmas Eve is as timeless as a sunset, and the WCB has been staging the ballet since 1998. So pack up the family and enjoy a night of sugar-plum fairies and rat kings. It's a holiday tradition that's as constant as getting handmade socks from Grandma. Tacoma City Ballet ends its Nutcracker run at 3 p.m. in the Pantages Theater.

5. Steve Cooley & The Dangerfields will fill The Spar in Old Town Tacoma with rockin' blues beginning at 7 p.m.

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Saturday, Dec. 21 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

You may have been delayed Friday getting to work due to the snow blanketing the Puget Sound, but that didn't stop dozens of members in the Washington National Guard from staying fit and having fun. The Joint Services Support Directorate held an Ugly Sweater 5K Fun Run at Camp Murray to finish off the year - its seventh fun run/walk for those counting. This past year the runs have helped to raise more than $3,000 for the Minuteman Emergency Assistance Fund.

This last fun run of the year, falling during the holiday season, provided a perfect opportunity and time - with the snow - for Guard members to don their favorite ugly sweaters. 

"The snow may be an excuse for some to stay at home but not for us in the guard," said Master Sgt. Dana Trakel, Joint Services Support Operations chief. "The turnout was great and almost everyone showed up wearing their ugliest sweater, looking excited to run in the snow."

Along with having fun, the run served to build morale and promote a more fit and resilient Washington National Guard.

>>> Sgt. 1st Class Derrick Grasty (81st Brigade, Washington National Guard) runs in a Camp Murray winter wonderland during the Ugly Sweater Fun Run.

>>> Sgt. Catherine Sinclair - wearing pajamas and her ugliest sweater - of the 122nd Public Affairs Operations Center stands in front of her fellow Washington National Guard members after finishing a 5K Ugly Sweater Fun Run at Camp Murray.

>>> A shot of Washington National Guard members before they went over the hills and through the woods.

MONDAY, DEC. 23 2013 >>>

1. In the same way that sharks must keep swimming to keep breathing, it seems Melanie Owen andJoseph Barton must spread their talents across various musical projects in order to stay alive. Owen travels between Denver and Seattle with her band, The Groovetramps, fronts Cedar Avenue Blues Band in Denver and does duo work with other blues players. She guest fronts with The Thommy Knoxvilles in Denver, the Armed & Dangerous Blues Review in Seattle and plays bass for the Joseph Barton Trio - yes, her musical partner. Barton has played for numerous Denver bands such as The Clam Daddies, The Train Wreckers and Tempa & the Tamtrums. Currently, in addition to The Groovetramps and his trio, Barton and plays bass with Armed & Dangerous Blues Review and other Seattle and Denver bands. These frequent flyer points freaks will showcase their old school blues and Americana at 8 p.m. in The Swiss - if they don't collapse first.

2. Whether you want to channel your inner Winter Olympics sports nerd, capture the magic of the season in a vibrant urban venue or just have a wintery and sporty adventure, break out the ice skates, people, because the Franciscan Polar Plaza, in partnership with the Tacoma Art Museum, is open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Bring family and friends to Tacoma's holiday ice rink for holiday fun and a good time right in the heart of downtown Tacoma.

3. Make Monday the day you check out Zoolights or Fantasy Lights - both South Sound institutions. Zoolights, the Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium's holiday light show and extravaganza, offers a stroll through more than half a million lights, crafted whimsically throughout the zoo from 5-9 p.m. Take a driving tour of Fantasy Lights in Spanaway Park, where carloads of travelers can see more than 300 stunning displays of lights and imaginative animation over a two-mile stretch of Spanaway Lake Park from 5:30-9 p.m. 

4. See the ultimate sad sack Charlie Brown and his sad sack little Christmas tree find the holiday spirit in the Christmas classic, A Charlie Brown Christmas, at a dreamy locally renowned theater. Break out the "peanuts" to take in this charming Tacoma Musical Playhouse production, and watch young and aspiring local actors from the theater's innovative and premiere education program show their stuff in this quaint and heartfelt little show, which begins at 7 p.m. 

5. We all love to sing. Singing is fun; singing is cool. However, life is cruel, and as much as we all love to sing, well, we can't.  We suck.  Or, to put this in a positive manner, there are those who can sing solo and there are those who should always, always, sing in groups. The larger the better. For those of you who fall into the second category, head to Olympia. The Student Orchestras of Greater Olympia present a "Messiah Sing-Along" so you can sing to your tone-deaf little heart's content at 7 p.m. in the Washington Center.          

PLUS: Holiday Events Calendar

PLUS: South Sound Holiday Command Center

LINK: Monday, Dec. 23 arts and entertainment events in the greater Tacoma and Olympia area

Somebody put a Santa hat on Olympia drummer Jerry Zeigler, cause no other mutherfucker out there besides St. Nick himself would rage Christmas Eve and Day to bring joy to all the anxious boys and girls.

Tuesday, Christmas Eve, Zeigler will be playing with his space/classic/punk rock band Mosquito Hawk, whose lead singer, Olivia Love, has been known to bust into lounge-singing and share her favorite Christmas songs. This show will be in Le Voyeur's swanky little back room, which is always festive. And it's free, so you can save that cash to gift yourself, perhaps with a nice cocktail while you enjoy the rock.

And Wednesday, Christmas Day, Zeigler will be playing his annual Merry Fitz-mas show at McCoy's with Fitz of Depression raging two sets. Never seen Fitz play? Well, expect to get ripped a new one. The band seriously tears into the nether-regions and squiggle their reverb around, getting all deep and fast and punk rock. Also, this is a good time to see Zeigler turn into a full-fledged octopus on the drums. Enjoy.

Oh, a fond farewell to the five-year tradition of Swampy Draws playing a Christmas show at the Top of Tacoma Bar and Cafe. A quote from Swampy Draws on their Facebook: "We had a good 5-year run and I'm forever thankful for the fine folks at the Top of Tacoma who let me make an ass of myself year after year!"

What other Christmas rock should we know about? Comment below.

Mosquito Hawk, 10 p.m., Tuesday, Dec. 24, Le Voyeur, 404 Fourth Ave., Olympia, no cover, 360.943.5710

Fitz of Depression, 10 p.m., Wednesday, Dec. 25, McCoy's, 418 Fourth Ave., Olympia, $5, 360.352.0696

Representatives from 14 South Sound county and city organizations met Friday to sign the Memorandum of Agreement, agreeing to increase their financial support to the South Sound Military & Communities Partnership.

With federal government support shifting from the SSMCP's general fund to focus more on specific projects, the city and private organizations from Pierce and Thurston counties agreed to kick in more money.

Since SSMCP's inception in May 2011, its support has been predominately from federal funds - 90 percent federal and 10 percent local.

Read more...

TUESDAY, DEC. 24 2013 >>>

1. Christmas in Las Vegas. It has a nice ring to it - the most unholy city in the world on the holiest holiday. What's a Vegas kinda Xmas all about? There will be a long line for $1.59 pork sandwiches. I'm sure you could expect ringing jackpots and clanking coins as the sounds of Xmas. It's also hella expensive. If you'd still like to get your Christmas on with a tub of nickels in hand, shrimp cocktails and cheap Heinekens, may we suggest the Red Wind Casino. Crooner Chris Anderson will be in the house. Expect to hear many great holiday standards by singers from Frank Sinatra to Bobby Darin. Anderson hails from Eatonville, and is in his 20s, but has a voice and style that come straight out of another era. And there isn't a cover charge.

2. Whether you want to channel your inner Winter Olympics sports nerd, capture the magic of the season in a vibrant urban venue or just have a wintery and sporty adventure, break out the ice skates, people, because the Franciscan Polar Plaza, in partnership with the Tacoma Art Museum, is open from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Bring family and friends to Tacoma's holiday ice rink for holiday fun and a good time right in the heart of downtown Tacoma.

3. See the ultimate sad sack Charlie Brown and his sad sack little Christmas tree find the holiday spirit in the Christmas classic, A Charlie Brown Christmas, at a dreamy locally renowned theater. Break out the "peanuts" to take in this charming Tacoma Musical Playhouse production, and watch young and aspiring local actors from the theater's innovative and premiere education program show their stuff in this quaint and heartfelt little show, which begins at 2 p.m. 

4. Other, non-North American English-speaking countries know the play The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by an alternate title: The Worst Kids In The World. That should tell you about the quality of the characters in question, and the odds that the title would actually come true. The Herdman clan will be on hand to teach you all about the true spirit of Christmas by lying, cheating, stealing, smoking and other wholesome endeavors at 3 p.m. in the Tacoma Youth Theatre. It's a feel-good season of joy for everyone. Or something.

5. Take a driving tour of Fantasy Lights in Spanaway Park, where carloads of travelers can see more than 300 stunning displays of lights and imaginative animation over a two-mile stretch of Spanaway Lake Park from 5:30-9 p.m. 

Over the course of his trilogy of books filled with fake trivia (The Areas of My Expertise, More Information Than You Require, and That Is All), John Hodgman posited a theory that the world is made up of jock culture and nerd culture, and that everything more or less fell within those boundaries. If this is true, then it must be said that New Year's Eve is the jockiest of all holidays, and therefore difficult on which to base a nerd column.

Longtime readers may be aware of my general disdain for New Year's Eve, but I've only recently begun to think of it as a jock holiday. This is to say, New Year's Eve is essentially a sparklier St. Patrick's Day. It is a night given over to amateurish drinking and buffoonery, couched in some faux-melancholy hogwash about the shedding of the old year and the birth of a new one. Is it any wonder that most New Year's resolutions tend toward the athletic (running marathons, losing weight, quitting smoking or drinking [get off my back!], etc.)?

Do celebrate your jockiest of holidays. But, as you do, raise a glass for the nerdiest of holidays: Groundhog Day.

Saturday, Dec. 28: The Bobs 2013 Holiday Concert

If you're seeking something profoundly nerdy to enjoy over the holidays, you may now cease your seeking! The Bobs have spent 30 years as the blessed pinnacle of nerd-dom. Combining a capella, comedy music, and pop cultural and historical references, the Bobs cover all four quadrants of nerd culture. Their press release describes them as "a musical equivalent of a Gary Larsen drawing," which I know just made several nerds' hearts flutter.

The Bobs' most recent release is called Biographies and, just like the name suggests, it features songs about historical figures both real and not quite real. Their Andy Kaufman ode ("Andy Always Dreamed of Wrestling") is silly and heartfelt in equal measure. Elsewhere, "Clarence Birdseye Flash Frozen Fish" is half commercial/half exploration of why flash freezing makes fish taste so darn good. It's eccentric writing that calls to mind They Might Be Giants and the Dead Milkmen, with harmonies and inventive vocals to make them stand out from the rabble. Their holiday show is not one to miss.

THE BOBS HOLIDAY CONCERT, 8 p.m., Morso Wine Bar, 9014 Peacock Hill Ave, Gig Harbor, $25, 253.530.3463

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