Judging by the Trailer: "300: Rise of an Empire"

By Rev. Adam McKinney on March 5, 2014

I suppose we all knew it was inevitable, this return to the Frank Miller well. With a Sin City sequel on the way, it's about time we get a follow-up to the tastelessly pulpy spectacle of 300. What's most baffling about the whole thing, though, is who has been chosen to take over the helm in Zack Snyder's wake.

Noam Murro, director of 300: Rise of an Empire, was previously only known for one film: the faux Noah Baumbach dramedy, Smart People. Starring Dennis Quaid in the Jeff Daniels role of the antisocial intellectual, Smart People was a passable look at the bad side of elitism and the stifling blowhard culture of academia - all clear signs that its director would surely be destined to send a sword-and-sandals epic blazing to the silver screen, right?

All I can imagine is that, after that 2008 debut, Noam Murro went on a Bruce Wayne-esque sabbatical to a remote area in Southeast Asia, where he studied under the tutelage of the League of Shadows in order to learn how to make the slow-mo, sepia-toned action porn of his sensei, Zack Snyder. Returning from the mountain, six years later, Noam Murro is not the 300 sequel director we need, but the one we deserve.

As for the movie, what is there to say? Xerxes is back and as fabulous as ever, continuing the Persians' march across Europe, this time encountering the Greek army. Globs of cartoon blood fling themselves at the audience in nauseating 3D, and at press time I have not noticed any disfigured hunchbacks (unlike the original, in which they were prominently, and I mean prominently, featured).

If Noam Murro's next movie stars Mark Duplass as a 30-something just trying to get by, we'll just call this one a wash. But, if his next feature is the gritty Flash Gordon reboot, we'll know there's a conspiracy afoot. The Weekly Volcano is committed to keeping you updated in the matters.

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