If gopher wood could withstand a world-killing flood, you'd think we'd be using still be using the stuff. Well, maybe Noah took the last bit of it with him for his boat.
Here we're, once again, greeting another entrant in 2014's Year of Religious MoviesTM. This time, though, we're going about as Old Testament-y as you can get. No washing of feet to be had in Noah, just blood-soaked soil and the madness of Darren Aronofsky.
Even before its release, Noah has garnered more than its share of controversy - from jumpy studio executives, to confused test audiences, to scores of Christian groups who bristle at the (Biblically accurate) telling of Noah's story - and will now arrive at theaters bearing the following disclaimer:
"The film is inspired by the story of Noah. While artistic license has been taken, we believe that this film is true to the essence, values and integrity of a story that is a cornerstone of faith for millions of people worldwide. The biblical story of Noah can be found in the book of Genesis."
No doubt, if all of these huffing and puffing Catholics would ever follow that disclaimer's advice and, you know, actually read the story of Noah, I'm sure they'd find a much more complex tale than the one they were told in Sunday school. Many-armed fallen angels, a drunk ark-builder and an epically violent, petty god - these are just a few aspects of the story that don't quite gel with cartoons about fluffy animals having a boat trip (and those poor dinosaurs who got left behind).
If the trailer for Noah is any indication, this a return for Aronofsky to the batshit operatics of The Fountain, and less a somber character study of a man on the brink, like The Wrestler. If religious groups are incensed already, I wonder what'll happen once they finally see the thing.