As you wish, this is Nerd Alert, the Weekly Volcano's recurring events calendar devoted to all things nerdy. I myself am a Star Wars fan, mathlete, and spelling bee champion of long standing, so trust me: I grok whereof I speak.

FRIDAY, MARCH 28

There's something inherently goofy about the story of Noah's Ark. For geeks of a certain age, it calls to mind Bill Cosby making "voopah" sawing noises and wondering, "What's a cubit?" You may be more familiar with Ricky Gervais reading a children's picture-book summary of the Great Deluge. Either way, it's likely nothing about that story made you think, "Hey! Y'know who'd be great at directing the movie version of this? Darren Aronofsky! Yeah, something about Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan just screams Biblical epic to me." And yet here we are. For good measure, let's have Hermione Granger play Noah's daughter. Righteous. Early reviews are mixed, but at least Russell Crowe doesn't sing.

And of course there's Emerald City Comicon, running all this weekend in Seattle's Washington State Convention Center. While San Diego's fable con slides more into the realm of movies and TV, this is one gathering that keeps its primary focus on the comics. Featured writers include Mike Allred, Kurt Busiek, Erik Larsen, Jim Lee (Friday only), Mark Miller and Jeff Smith. Star Wars novelists Kevin J. Anderson and Dave Wolverton will be on hand, as will John Scalzi, whose Redshirts: A Novel with Three Codas won the Hugo last year. It's about a security officer aboard the Universal Union Capital Ship Intrepid, Ensign Andrew Dahl, who suddenly realizes his colleagues don't fare well on away missions. Think 320 pages of "Guy" from Galaxy Quest, and if that doesn't make you desperate for a copy then I don't know what.

Have no fear, TV and movie geeks, you haven't been exiled into the Phantom Zone. Celebrity guests include Richard Dean Anderson (who'll fashion a crude Orion vehicle from two paper clips and a Hot Pocket), Michael Biehn (who'll claim to be from the future, then impregnate a coffee shop waitress), John de Lancie (Q who?), Michael Dorn, Eliza Dushku, Cary Elwes, Kelly Hu, Nichelle Nichols, Ron Perlman, Lance Reddick, Alan Tudyk and Karl Urban. I'm tellin' ya, you put those people around a mic for two hours, and you've got a pretty good LEGO Movie sequel. Did LEGO ever make a Hellboy set? Because that'd be awesome.

SUNDAY, MARCH 30

After last week's history-heavy installment, Cosmos explores "A Sky Full of Ghosts." Patrick Stewart voices astronomer William Herschel, best known for his catchphrase "You go, business pro." Also, Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson's Ship of the Imagination buzzes the event horizon of a black hole, beating Disney's reboot department by years.

Meanwhile, in the improbably walker-ful woods around Atlanta, Sheriff Rick is in for an even less happy installment than usual in the season-four finale of The Walking Dead. Shortly thereafter, Nerdist Chris Hardwick will admit even he's not sure what's going on with this show anymore.

Next week, of course, it's back to Westeros for season four of Game of Thrones.

Tuesday, April 1

Avoid obnoxious April Fools' Day pranks by hiding in your living room with a fresh supply of cinematic brain candy. New on Blu-ray and DVD this week: 47 Ronin, Anchorman 2 and Knights of Badassdom.

Until next week, may the Force be with you, may the odds be ever in your favor, and may we all be reunited in Terminus.