If I had a haunted mirror for every lame horror trailer I've had to endure for this column, I'd have entirely too many mirrors for one person. Like, you'd come over to my house and it'd be the first thing you'd notice. A crazy amount of mirrors. And they're all haunted. A house full of haunted mirrors.
"Did he buy them all at once," you'd wonder, "or is it the sort of thing where he sees a mirror at a thrift store and he just has to pick it up? Is it a bet he's got going with a friend, to see who can have the most mirrors? Was he bequeathed these mirrors by an eccentric uncle? Does he even like having this many mirrors, or is it just a compulsion at this point?"
Which brings me, sadly, to Oculus - a trailer notable not only for a scene where a woman mistakenly eats a light bulb, but for the mysterious presence of World Wrestling Entertainment's production logo (try as I may, I could spot nary a wrestler in this preview). We find ourselves transported to the terrifying world of antiquing, where mirrors are serial killers (hilariously, the mirror is credited with 45 known murders), and ghosts embrace cliché by donning sheets.
Such is the reality of the hacky haunted house boom through which we find ourselves joylessly trudging. Like the recent, surprisingly competent Mama, Oculus is adapted from its director's earlier shorts - a sign that Oculus may end up surprising the skeptics, though that outcome remains an unlikely one. I will say this: when our heroine tries to eat an apple, but it turns out it's a light bulb, I genuinely guffawed. Maybe there's some camp value to be found with Oculus, but until such time as this is proven, I'll just get back to polishing my many mirrors. It's the only full-time job I have.
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